Healthy Relationships Support Group
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My husband smokes marijuana. It doesn't bother me much (except the smell). At least, it didn't bother me until recently. It calms him down, and he's generally a very moody guy. But for the past month, he hasn't been able to "keep it up" in the bedroom with me. He tells me it's because he's too high. But every time I leave the house (even for just 10 minutes), I come home to find out he's been masturbating. I don't know what to do. Between the porn he just won't stop looking at, and not being able to "perform" in the bedroom, I'm thinking I must be extremely disgusting to him. I'll admit, I'm not a skinny girl. I've had a baby, and my weight is a little high for my height (I'm 5'5 and wear a size 12). But is that really enough to make him so disgusted at the site of me?
What should I do? I barely eat anything as it is, and I'm having trouble losing weight. I don't know what to do.
I try to keep things interesting in the bedroom, but I feel degraded because he always wants me to shave more than just my bikini line and legs. Also, I have health problems that make it difficult to be on top the way that he wants me to be.
I've tried to be sexy, but he doesn't look. I've put the pain aside for as long as possible, but he still can't stay "up".
Please help ='(
What should I do? I barely eat anything as it is, and I'm having trouble losing weight. I don't know what to do.
I try to keep things interesting in the bedroom, but I feel degraded because he always wants me to shave more than just my bikini line and legs. Also, I have health problems that make it difficult to be on top the way that he wants me to be.
I've tried to be sexy, but he doesn't look. I've put the pain aside for as long as possible, but he still can't stay "up".
Please help ='(
Now please do understand; I, myself, do not smoke marijuana. I have a deep hatred of it and do not like the fact that my girlfriend uses it on occasion (though she hasn't in awhile since she's pregnant). The main point there is I don't have a personal experience of what weed will do to a man. I have to go on what I've heard and yes, I've heard you can be too high to get an erection.
BUT, you saying that you catch him masturbating stirs up a few questions and quite a few thoughts. When you catch him is he stoned? If so, then it goes into something different altogether.
I will say a couple things here before people read what is written and suddenly go off on a tangent about porn and it being evil. I've had to defend the right for a man to masturbate before. Sometimes (please do read SOMETIMES!), men just don't want to go through the hassle of sex. It's easier to jerk off quickly, not bother you, whatever the reason, it's just something that is needed. That does not seem to be the case here. You're stating that this is regular and he is trying to push you into an image you don't want to be. I want to make a very big point here. Sex is about pleasure. You should not feel degraded, it should not make you feel disgusting. I'll be honest, I love it when a woman is shaved. I have been lucky and all my partners have at least been neatly trimmed. But I'd never go to the extent of demanding it of my partner. Just as I would not demand uncomfortable positions of my partner.
What it seems to me is that your husband is developing an obsession with the porn. He has fallen behind the fantasy of it and not realized how unrealistic it can be. I can't give you much more from this outside of you need to have a firm discussion with him and make him realize how you feel. If he is going to continue on like this then obviously your relationship is going to fall through. It's sad to say, but if someone isn't giving, then why should you make an effort?
Now, you starving yourself is not good. I realize that this has you feeling very self conscious, but in all honesty you have to like who you are. Don't crash diet, don't worry about what he thinks. I'm a bigger male, and I've had self esteem issues with my weight. I'll tell you, I don't lose the weight very easily and I'm a pro wrestler of all things. I work out constantly, I try to eat right, and I have always struggled with my weight. But I've had to come to the realization that I like who I see in the mirror. If you're always putting yourself down because of your weight, stop. If you don't like who you see in the mirror and want to change your body image, crash dieting won't work (BELIEVE ME! I had to deal with many medical problems from this). Losing weight is never instant and it can't be hurried without it taking a heavy toll on your body. Go to a gym and talk to a trainer, talk to a nutritionist, research online, read books...if you've done these things then great and if I'm way off with the starving yourself thing then I appologize. But don't harm yourself in order to look better for him. It's all about hard work and realizing that you are a beautiful person.
MMM - please don't blame yourself for your husband's behaviour. He obviously has some issues and problems here - and you are not the cause of them. His actions and his impotence are a symptom of whatever is going on inside of him.
And size 12 is an average size for women... REAL women!
get his butt into counseling. this is not about you at all.
your husband has to grow up but he is running from it. he is going backwards.