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My friends are getting married this weekend and my boyfriend and I were invited. There has been a couple of problems that have recently come to light that make me unsure as to whether it would be a good idea for me to go.
First: There is a guy in the wedding party that I hung out with a few times. We only had drinks maybe 4 times over the course of three weeks about a year ago before I realized that there was really no future there. He was basically planning our lives together and he didn't even really know me! I knew he was in the wedding party and didn't think anything of it at first. It was never anything serious and time has passed. But on my friend's recent bachelor party trip, the guy was drunkenly talking to my other friend on FaceTime, yelling that he wanted another chance with me. I think this guy is being downright freaking ridiculous. Let it go already. I'm afraid that having this guy around my boyfriend and I where there will definitely be alcohol involved (open bar...) is asking for trouble.
Second: I mentioned this situation in a post awhile back. One of my "best friends" was a guy I grew up with that absolutely freaked out when I started dating my boyfriend. Gave me the ultimatum (I'll never speak to you again if you date him) and threatened to "ruin me" when it came to my relationship. He was angry that I chose to date someone else over him when I didn't even realize that had been his motives for so long. I cut him out of my life. That's not the way you treat your "best friend" and I won't tolerate ANYONE giving me ultimatums or threatening me. My friend was aware of all of this, I talked to her about it many times, and then last week she kind of giggled and said that she had seated my boyfriend and I at the same table as him. Intentionally.
I really care about my relationship with my boyfriend and I think all of this just sounds like a hot mess with a real potential for some blow up to happen. I don't want anything to ruin my friends' wedding and I also don't want to put my boyfriend and I in a potentially harmful situation. With alcohol in the mix, I'm afraid that something will end up being said or done that could cause problems.
I really have no interest in going anymore, the wedding is this weekend, but I don't know how to tell my friends that I don't think it's wise for me to attend. I feel like I'm just looking out for my best interests here.
Any thoughts?
First: There is a guy in the wedding party that I hung out with a few times. We only had drinks maybe 4 times over the course of three weeks about a year ago before I realized that there was really no future there. He was basically planning our lives together and he didn't even really know me! I knew he was in the wedding party and didn't think anything of it at first. It was never anything serious and time has passed. But on my friend's recent bachelor party trip, the guy was drunkenly talking to my other friend on FaceTime, yelling that he wanted another chance with me. I think this guy is being downright freaking ridiculous. Let it go already. I'm afraid that having this guy around my boyfriend and I where there will definitely be alcohol involved (open bar...) is asking for trouble.
Second: I mentioned this situation in a post awhile back. One of my "best friends" was a guy I grew up with that absolutely freaked out when I started dating my boyfriend. Gave me the ultimatum (I'll never speak to you again if you date him) and threatened to "ruin me" when it came to my relationship. He was angry that I chose to date someone else over him when I didn't even realize that had been his motives for so long. I cut him out of my life. That's not the way you treat your "best friend" and I won't tolerate ANYONE giving me ultimatums or threatening me. My friend was aware of all of this, I talked to her about it many times, and then last week she kind of giggled and said that she had seated my boyfriend and I at the same table as him. Intentionally.
I really care about my relationship with my boyfriend and I think all of this just sounds like a hot mess with a real potential for some blow up to happen. I don't want anything to ruin my friends' wedding and I also don't want to put my boyfriend and I in a potentially harmful situation. With alcohol in the mix, I'm afraid that something will end up being said or done that could cause problems.
I really have no interest in going anymore, the wedding is this weekend, but I don't know how to tell my friends that I don't think it's wise for me to attend. I feel like I'm just looking out for my best interests here.
Any thoughts?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
hmmmm, what to do? don't be friends with jerkoffs, don't go to the wedding, lie about getting sick, it is really the truth you've finally realized that being friends with jerkoffs is sickening and could even turn a person into one
drop this particular clique of jerkoffs
As far as telling your friends. One you don't owe anyone an explanation for keeping your self out of a stressful and potentially harmful situation. Two if you do want to explain tell them exactly why. Your not the one who was willing to put you in that situation.
I think you and your boyfriend should take a romantic weekend instead of the wedding. Find a nice cabin in the woods or even a tent. Nothing clears your mind and makes you feel better than being in the beauty of nature with your someone special.
I think I'm just going to claim a death in the family and that the service is Saturday, therefore I'm unable to attend the wedding. I mean, even for your wedding, who argues with someone that they should skip a funeral?
I've thought of ways to make the day go smoothly, but the bottom line is that there isn't one. My friends will be too busy to hang out with us, they're the bride and groom...they'll hardly have time to eat. The only other people I know that are attending are in the wedding party so again...they'll have other things going on throughout the day/evening.
We're all in our late 20's-early 30's. The fact that people still behave like this astounds me.
One way to avoid problems is attending the ceremony while making sure your friend sees you attended, and don't go to the reception to avoid drama. Good luck
"Don't be friends with jerk offs" is possibly the best advice I've seen here.
Brides be bitches, man.
I normally wouldn't pull something like that, but these incidents have just happened recently. When I RSVP'd, I had no idea that these things were waiting in the wings. The only real reason I mentioned coming up with a story instead of just saying "well, you did this, this, this, and that's why I don't want to come to your wedding" is because the thing is so close. Regardless of her somewhat shitty behavior, she still deserves a wedding day that's not marred by knowing her friend is angry with her and chose not to attend. That can always be addressed after the fact.
If you wanted you could always go and see your friend get married and go to the supper and not stay for the evening
She may think it's amusing not realizing how potentially harmful and upsetting this is for you... If she won't change the seating I agree to let her know that you aren't able to attend ... Big hug...xo
One thing I will say is that your ex guy friend and the wedding party guy may have both moved on and may not be giving any of this any thought. Or they may just decide to ignore you.
I think if you really don't want to go, don't go. I get it. And if making up a story helps take the pressure off, I get that too. But lying about a funeral, well that's a lie that could easily come out. So if it were me, I'd rather catch heat for telling the truth than catch heat for being caught in a lie. But that's just based on experiencing both situations in my life. Do what makes sense for you. I understand trying to avoid certain people when you feel trapped. Are you kidding me. I spent my brother's entire wedding service and reception trying to dodge my own dad.
Sometimes guys shoot off their mouths and then there's no problems.
"I realize it's last minute, but after learning that Boy A will be there and Boy B will be sitting at my table, I don't think it's wise that I attend your wedding, due to our past."
Then I'd highlight that it's her day and you don't want her stressed out that a couple of drunk men will cause trouble because of you.
a friend does not intentionally put a friend in a potentially messy situation like the bride is doing to you
you seem to get that because you don't want to put your boyfriend in the same situation, so you are a good friend to him, accept nothing less from the bride
Feigning a death in the family as your excuse not to go, is messing with the universe. Why lie to that degree, and stoop that low, when you've done nothing wrong? If you have to lie, you've twisted your ankle, or have come down with something, but never use the excuse of a death in the family, if there isn't one.
Excuse me for saying this but your friend who just married is a childish, meddlesome bitch, who cares little about your relationship. No friend would ever do this. Envy is the first thing that comes to mind.
And I agree with SunCloud to have asked to change your seating. The first thing that would have come out of my mouth would have been, "why would you do this to me and seat me at his table?" Getting married is no excuse for her behaviour, and by doing what she did, she's asking for it.
I hope it all went well, and that you are doing well.