This is an interesting topic to me. Which kind of victim do you play? There are actually people who were victimized in childhood, and they seem to attract people who will victimize them again. They are being victimized, and don't realize what they can do as adults to stop it. Then I have also noticed that there are people who can't own responsibility for things they have done so they play victim to circumstances. My Ex-fella use to say, "girls don't like me, I don't know why, (sigh....)" Well, he's not very nice, but he blames someone else. Do either of these sound like what your talking about?

I pick people that I know our wrong for me, and then play the victim card. It's like I am attracted to the drama.

More like the first kind then. So how are they wrong for you? What is the drama you seek? What does it say on the card?

I'm asking you the things I had to see and figure out in myself for the same reasons. Your not alone in the scenario. People have patterns, they are looking for a dance partner. Different personalities like, dominant are looking for a submissive. Rescuers are looking for someone to rescue, (alcoholic, drug user, etc.) Someone who is controlling is looking for someone who is very reactive, they get a thrill out of getting a reaction out of you. Can you see a pattern in who you choose to dance with?

I like to rescue people

I make a martyr of myself. I put myself in crazy overwhelming situations and then get angry when I'm overwhelmed.

I'm a fixer, I need to make sure everything is wonderfully perfect for everyone else, exhausting myself in the process.

Oh so get the over whelmed part SBJ. Then what I set out to do with a good heart and good intentions, I get to feeling resentful for.

So I had two things going on when my counselor was helping me identify the reasons for my patterns. The one I can identify with both of you is the rescuer part. For me, it was a copping skill. A way to overwhelm my self in the present so that I could avoid the pain of the past. Does that sound like what is happening with you guys or can you see something else for your choice of dance partners?

Oh I'm well aware of the WHY in my choices.

When I focus on others needs/desires/requirements, it allows me to completely ignore my own. Allows me to negate any personal value, reinforcing the "worthless" mindset because everyone else's requirements are far more important/necessary than anything I could possibly want for myself.

In some sense i think you feel like you deserve that person or you can't do any better. But on the other hand if you know that you do this why do you continue to do it. Like if you realize that a guy who is talking to you isn't right for you, why would you continue to pursue him instead of getting yourself in a disaster of a relationship?

There is a pay off. What is the pay off? Everything we do we do for a reason. There is a reward, an unspoken goal. We are not accidentally repeating the same pattern. SBJ, you defiantly see the pattern, but your just touching the edges of the goal. there is more.

Nah, for me that's pretty much it. I'm a surface girl. I offer about as much depth as a saucer of cream.

This is about mysteryman tho. My brother is a rescuer. He MUST be involved with someone at all times. He cannot stand not being in a relationship. Drives me nuts because he's a great guy and gets wrapped up with these selfish women that suck the life out of him.

I guess drama brings heat and passion, and you want heat and passion.

I suppose be passionate about something that will be passionate back. Give to a giver.

I have come to realize that it's much better to be wanted than needed!
I have always been a people pleaser doing things to make others feel happy. It usually makes me feel good, and I have been with guys that "needed" me to do things for them. Much like being a rescuer I was with men that needed something from me. However I ended up being used, my good nature taken advantage of, being with takers that aren't capable of giving back. Am I responsible for all the bad? Not 100% because who we are with should be responsible for not taking advantage of others. If you are with a woman who needs to be rescued in some way, she should still be giving back to you, it has to go both ways. We also need to learn how to accept others helping us.
I'm no longer able to trust and question those who ask me for favours. I don't want to be used again. I want a guy who doesn't need me for anything at all except for my fabulous company!

Lianna, I guess I don't think much of my company. I have resolved that I will be alone the rest of my life. At least for now. SBJ, a saucer of milk.......that's a good way to put it, everybody has a right to dig or not dig a little deeper. I'm always ready with my shovel, but I have to be careful not to push. But you are right, Mysteryman is the one who braught it up.