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So this is a bit of an update, a bit of a rant.
December 4, my ex finally had our baby girl. We named her Jolene and she looks just like me, it's insane. I'm in her life as much as Telly (my ex) will let me be. I get her maybe two hours every night (which is better than what quite a few dad's get, I'm aware), it still doesn't feel like much. I'm trying to make sure that bond is there between her and I. Telly's boyfriend and my former friend, Christian, lives with Telly and my daughter. He sees her so much more then I do and I'm plagued by the fact that he seems to think he's taken on the father role. Telly doesn't set him in his place very often, but I do. Today was one of those days. Telly and I had set it so that I would pick Jolene up at 4 pm and I'd have her till 8 pm. Unfortunately, her dad stayed longer then expected so I didn't get Jolene till 6 pm. Her bed time is 8 and since Telly is breast feeding but can't use the pump, I'm pretty well SOL for over nights at the present moment. When I went to drop her off, my girlfriend gave Jolene her soother (which is something both Telly and I are trying to keep as a last resort), well it was an honest mistake but unfortunately when I dropped Jolene off Telly remarked it and harped me on it. The final words were "Remember that you're the parent not her"; well Christian chimed in "He's barely a parent". So I bit my tongue cause I wasn't about to lay into them on their front porch while I was fuming mad. I decided to go home. I got home and I had a text from Telly saying "I didn't mean for my comment to discredit you. I just really don't see the point in giving her the soother if she doens't need it. You should know better." Now I explained to her over text that I didn't give her the soother, I barely use it. It was my girlfriend who did and I told her as soon as we got in the truck that Jolene isn't to get the soother. But it's the comment Christian made. If my girlfriend had said something like that to Telly, I would've amonished her for it. You don't let statements like that go, especially not when the father of your child is ACTIVELY in your child's life, sees her for a few hours everyday (because you can't use a pump) and pays you twice was he's supposed to in support so that you and your boyfriend (who works full time at a coffee shop) can pay rent because you blew your money on Magic cards and video games and new cell phones. Am I wrong here? Like I understand, I'm lucky that I'm allowed in my child's life because there's so many fathers who wish they had what I did. But I feel like in this I'm getting completely short handed.
December 4, my ex finally had our baby girl. We named her Jolene and she looks just like me, it's insane. I'm in her life as much as Telly (my ex) will let me be. I get her maybe two hours every night (which is better than what quite a few dad's get, I'm aware), it still doesn't feel like much. I'm trying to make sure that bond is there between her and I. Telly's boyfriend and my former friend, Christian, lives with Telly and my daughter. He sees her so much more then I do and I'm plagued by the fact that he seems to think he's taken on the father role. Telly doesn't set him in his place very often, but I do. Today was one of those days. Telly and I had set it so that I would pick Jolene up at 4 pm and I'd have her till 8 pm. Unfortunately, her dad stayed longer then expected so I didn't get Jolene till 6 pm. Her bed time is 8 and since Telly is breast feeding but can't use the pump, I'm pretty well SOL for over nights at the present moment. When I went to drop her off, my girlfriend gave Jolene her soother (which is something both Telly and I are trying to keep as a last resort), well it was an honest mistake but unfortunately when I dropped Jolene off Telly remarked it and harped me on it. The final words were "Remember that you're the parent not her"; well Christian chimed in "He's barely a parent". So I bit my tongue cause I wasn't about to lay into them on their front porch while I was fuming mad. I decided to go home. I got home and I had a text from Telly saying "I didn't mean for my comment to discredit you. I just really don't see the point in giving her the soother if she doens't need it. You should know better." Now I explained to her over text that I didn't give her the soother, I barely use it. It was my girlfriend who did and I told her as soon as we got in the truck that Jolene isn't to get the soother. But it's the comment Christian made. If my girlfriend had said something like that to Telly, I would've amonished her for it. You don't let statements like that go, especially not when the father of your child is ACTIVELY in your child's life, sees her for a few hours everyday (because you can't use a pump) and pays you twice was he's supposed to in support so that you and your boyfriend (who works full time at a coffee shop) can pay rent because you blew your money on Magic cards and video games and new cell phones. Am I wrong here? Like I understand, I'm lucky that I'm allowed in my child's life because there's so many fathers who wish they had what I did. But I feel like in this I'm getting completely short handed.
Congradulations on your new baby girl!! Try and hang in there kiddo and not let these types of arguments stress you out too much and I know it isn't easy. It is a tough situation you are in but remember it won't always be like this. As your daughter gets older perhaps it can be worked out so that you can spend more time with her.
In the meantime the best you can do is express your feelings and concerns to your ex and focus on what is best for your daughter as I am sure that is what you both want. You may not agree with her and vise versa but perhaps you both can compromise and work out some of these issues. As for the other people involved well certain limits should be discussed and if that means all of you sit down and talk without anger and accusations a lot of the problems might be solved.
I find that sometimes if everyone gets together and talks about their feelings a lot of misunderstandings can be cleared up and compromises can be made. I do understand your feelings about your ex's bf assuming somewhat of a father role and how that bothers you. But always remember you are the father and will always be in her life and as she gets older the bond will get stronger. On a positive side to all of this think of how many people already love her and care for her.
Anyway try and not let the stress get to you too much. Talk to people that you trust who you can vent to when you need it as we all need to do that from time to time. Things have a way of working out in time just stay focused on having the best time you can when you have your daughter with you. :):)
I've had discussions with her before and she always says "He's not trying to be the father" but I feel different. I try to keep from getting in heated discussions with her cause I'm sick of getting furious at her, saying a bunch then regretting it. While we were in the hospital I sat down with him and it seemed we were on common ground with everything, but now that we're home it's all sorts of drama.
I hold pretty high hope that she'll bond with me more as the time goes on. It'll be much easier to take her overnight once she's old enough that she's not breast feeding. Until then I try to bite my tongue of negative statements and just talk.
Thanks for the congrats :)
You know it'll get back to Telly and she'll blow up and it'll become this big drama, but, yes, you are getting the short end of the stick. He gets to bed your ex-GF AND become the "father" of your child, and you get to pay the bill. This would infuriate me too.