My relationship with my boyfriend has been a rocky one since I have major trust issues that steam from my past experiences. I am currently in therapy to save my relationship and to become a better person amd learn to trust my boyfriend who has never given me any doubts. It's me speculating and living out my fears. I just had a baby and we are currently looking for a place to buy it will be our first home! Exciting right? Not so much. My realtor was also a friend of mine who also from me suffering from trust issues I also have depression. The reason why I have been friends with her is because she can completely relate on how my depression affects me as she also suffers severly from this illness as well. Anyway last year I was diagnosed with PCOS which is cysts in my ovaries the doctor told me it would be difficult to conceive or maintain the pregnancy. Me and my man were trying and also I was working out to lose weight as well and my friend was coming around to help me exercise. I finally got pregnant. She also has the same condition aside from the depression and cant conceive herself. So when I told her she was excited for me and told me she was jealous in a good way. I always told her she had no need to be jealous and that she will find a man who can be with her and give her a child one day. While I was 6 months pregnant all 3 of us me my man and my friend would go out in my car to look for properties. The time came where I had my baby and we were still unable to find our home because everything my man saw was not good enough for him. So they ended up going out alone without me while I took care of my baby at home. There came a point where my friend would tell my man that she was the work wife and that my baby was 25% hers because she helped me lose the weight to help me conceive. At that moments I know she was joking but the more I heard the more it really really bothered me. There came a point when they would discuss properties together and wouldnt even include me? My friend also told me in confidence when we first started being friends that she was with a married men knowing he had a wife and she didnt care. Because I knew this of her my thoughts and their actions started making me feel that there was something going on. I kept quite and told myself it was all in my head until we were finally all together again and they again were excluding me out. So I snapped and told her that last time I checked he was my man and this property was my house and she was just a realtor. Who did she think she was my excluding me out and I accused her of having an interest in my man. I opened up a can of worms because apparently one of her triggers were to being called a whore. Although I didnt say it I implied it. Then my man was extremely angry with me that day and told me he was just tired of being accused all the time when all he does is work and try to provide for me and my baby. Anyway my friend stated that was in her past and that she shouldnt be held accountable for that action and she thought I was her friend and told me that in confidence. She became sad with me and we stopped talking and going out to see properties together because I didnt feel comfortable with my man around her. After a few days of self reflecting I called her up and told her i was sincerely sorry and she accepted. The next time we were out together she was in one of her moods and we were going from property to property meeting other agents and she had the worst face ever. Not very professionally until I confronted her and told her I couldnt help to think that aside from her being in a bad mood that she was upset I was there. She told me yes part of the reason she was upset was because I was there. She said she didnt want to be part of an arguement between me and my man. I told her we were working things out and that an arguement wouldnt occur which it didnt. I went out of my way to also make her a sandwich after it seem she was okay but in reality she got worse and didnt even want the sandwich I made for her. My man tried to talk to her and tell her I was trying to make things better between us and to eat the sandwich and she yelled at him. I let it go until the last property we saw I stayed in the car to feed my baby and my man wanted me to go inside to look at the home. When I stepped into the home I became upset because the look in her face was still the same shit face. So i became angry stating her current mood doesnt make things better for me and that I was human and a made mistake. I left the home angry and went back in the car. Then she told my man that she was sorry her mood affected mine and I yelled at my man that she needs to tell me herself instead of sending a messenger. So she later text me. Then days past and her and my man went out again and I lost it. So my man told her his was done it was all too much for him from both sides.

When I saw the look on my man face and how tired he was dealing for so long about my insecurties and feeling down because the woman who loves and adores thinks so bad of him. He told me he juat wants to be alone forever. Thats when i knew i had to make a change for myself and to save my family. So i let a week pass by and decided to call my friend up again to apologize for everything and that she didnt deserve what i said and the secret i blew out infront of my man. She said she forgave me and that we can try and all get together again to look for properties and that if she is in one of her moods not to take it personally. I mentioned to her then we shouldnt ve going out looking for properties if she feels awful and she said that she would like to work so she is not at home making it worse for herself.

This has been a horrible experience for me and I just really want to find our first home with no drama and leave the past in the past. I cant change what happened but i can change my behaivor. I need suggestions whether I should continue to look at properties together with my man or just leave myself out so i dont make things worse.