Healthy Relationships Support Group

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opposites attract????

jewels2013
jewels2013
My partner and I have some common interests but on the other hand are very different....we are pretty good at compromising but sometimes I can get alittle frustrate as I am sure he does as well....but sometimes I feel alone and this concerns me greatly....wondering how others cope with their differences....some examples on our common interests are love for reading and also being in the same field of employment....differences are things like he loves sports and I am not a huge fan, I love to be active and he does not, he loves all things electronic and I couldn't care less, he is a social bug and I am not, he would rather sweep things under the carpet and hope they go away and I do not......just to name a few....thoughts anyone?
awesomeself
awesomeself
Going through my divorce, I did a ton of reading on relationships, and I came across something a few times, and it's a great one to remember. Common interests don't matter nearly as much as common core values. I see that some of your differences are interests (sports) and some a values (confronting issues vs sweeping them under the rug.) So I guess you need to look more closely at the differences in values and see if they really do put you on completely different paths. If it's mostly interests, then . . . he can do his sports stuff while you do your own fun things and then be together at the end of the day and have plenty to talk about!
Aronia
Aronia
I think being opposites makes it really difficult long term because in order for it to work both people must change.. But who really wants to do that? Most of us want to be accepted as we are.
koolman
koolman
I think as long as you find SOME common ground, and are able to communicate to work through the differences, you're good.
BundlesofJoy
BundlesofJoy
Aronia said it best.

I don't know who came up with that clich that "Opposites Attract" But, That is so far from the truth!!

The less you have in common with someone, the more you spend time & energy compromising & arguing as supposed to exerting that energy enjoying each others company .

The MORE you have in common with someone, the less work it is in the relationship.

Which is why I disagree with "awesomeself", Common interests do play a heavy role. If he does his sports stuff & the woman does her fun stuff but they still have nothing in common, then what will they discuss at the end of the day? And, this sets the stage for continuous arguing.
awesomeself
awesomeself
Lol, I didn't say anything about having "nothing in common." It's very important to be on the same page about what's important in life . . . much less important that both people like sports. That was my point. A couple that loves to watch sports together but disagrees on most moral issues and doesn't have even share remotely the same views on life has little chance of staying together despite their shared interest in sports.
If a couple "clicks" and also shares personal values, they will be ok with a few separate interests/hobbies and also find some new ones together because they will WANT to do new things together.
deleted_user
deleted_user
They really don't. Some differing interests, sure, but for the long haul? Nah, if you are fundamentally two different people, lots of clashing is gonna happen.
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