Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
My husband and I have very different love languages. I enjoy physical touch and words of affirmation. My husband enjoys quality time and sometimes acts of service, although he leans more toward quality time.
Our languages sometimes oppose each other. For example, when we spend time watching a movie at home. I like to cuddle up and I am always hoping for a make-out session to come of it. I used to try to instigate it, but my husband is not a touchy feely kind of person. When we are spending time watching a movie, he wants to just put his arm around me and be there together. This isn't just about my missing out on some kissing, but he feels cheated because he feels that he can't just sit on the couch with me without it leading to something. Lately, I have just been ignoring my urges, but sometimes I feel resentful and angry. I know that he feels hurt and angry that he "can't do anything right" as he puts it.
Our languages sometimes oppose each other. For example, when we spend time watching a movie at home. I like to cuddle up and I am always hoping for a make-out session to come of it. I used to try to instigate it, but my husband is not a touchy feely kind of person. When we are spending time watching a movie, he wants to just put his arm around me and be there together. This isn't just about my missing out on some kissing, but he feels cheated because he feels that he can't just sit on the couch with me without it leading to something. Lately, I have just been ignoring my urges, but sometimes I feel resentful and angry. I know that he feels hurt and angry that he "can't do anything right" as he puts it.
It sounds like you are trying for him. Maybe you can speak to him honestly that your needs are not being met, and have some solutions that meets both your needs. Like alternate who's love language is getting served during couch time, or at other times.
Ultimately when one partner sublimates their own needs constantly to serve the other, it creates worse problems than it solves.
Surely, you two can reach a compromise: Maybe two nights just cuddling, and two nights indeed kissing, making out and sex-!