Thanks, Bit47!!!

I have a few friends that ask me questions. Not give me answers but ask me questions about how I am feeling the way I am. They remind me that I am strong and that I will be ok. Sometimes I get really scared and want to run back to my ex because he is what I know. But they remind me I am a great person and that I will find someone better who is more me. Not someone who isnt bad, but someone who will fit me better than my ex.

I try to imagine what advice I'd give a friend in my situation. And then I'd be a friend to myself and take it.

You deserve better than that.

You shouldn't call him but it's where your head is at right now. Meeting doucheball guys really is a reflection of your life state. If you feel shitty about yourself then you will meet dickhead guys who treat you like shit. Calling him probably is not really the best thing to do, however he is a dickhead and perhaps you need to call him and get it out of your system. The feeling of needing him will eventually wear off, he doesn't respect you but these guys if they go around treating people the way he treated you then they deserve as good as they get. If you call him it's probably going to cause more heart ache for you...I say go nuts call him get it out of your system, but don't let this loser stay in your life for too long. I say go nuts then after let it be a learning experience and grow from it. Let time be your teacher.

Blacksheep,

At one point in my life I went through the same with an ex. I was good to him and no matter how much I cared or loved him, he treated me just like your ex. When he was done with damaging me and the relationship he left.

When he left, I was just like you. I couldn't help myself from trying to contact him even after he left, trying to get closure. After awhile I realized I was making a fool of myself and if he really cared or even loved me as much as he loved himself then he wouldn't have disrespected me or our relationship. I cried, alot and I still thought of him and then cried more. After I mourned the relationship alone I eventually stop hurting, followed by not crying as much.

What I'm trying to say is the way that you are feeling is normal but don't react out of hurt or love. It's okay to mourn and expect some type of closure but it's better to not feed into it. In a time of need it's better to surround yourself with people that love you; friends/family and keep yourself busy.

Like many of us on here. You will look back on this relationship and honestly feel grateful for such experience...a painful one but one you can think back on and realize you got through it and now you're okay.

We are here for you if you need us.

I forgot to mention the things I told myself to keep from contacting him; I just thought of the way he treated me along with the cheating and that always stopped me in my tracks. I also told myself I deserve better. I wouldn't let a enemy treat me with disrespect so why would I except it from the person I love. Nothing he has showed is an expression of love. That alone made me sad and angry at the same time.

It will get easier as time goes on.... We tell people how to treat us and we look sometimes for a certain kind of person due to our life experience... If you were with someone like this and would even think about wanting him back maybe it's time to work on loving yourself blacksheep....
Big hug.... You deserve better.... We all do.....xo

Hugs to you.. Been there and felt that, but please don't ever think of calling him it's only going to make you feel miserable later.. Go out with your friends, do something you really love and one day you will be thankful that you chose not to go back to him.. xoxo

Agree with others, especially Bit47.
What would I tell myself (what did I tell myself)?:
He is likely seeing someone else; cheaters really can't stay alone, usually. So that would be embarrassing (for me personally), to be calling him up while he's with another woman, or txting another woman, etc. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
He used you; if you call him, he will think "great! I can use her again!" No, thank you!
He left you; coming after him shows him he can treat you however badly he chooses, not the message I personally wanted to send.
Sometimes we cling to something horrible just because it is familiar. But horrible is horrible, even if we have gotten comfortable with it.
You deserve more.
I used to come here and pour out everything I wanted to say to him into my journal, you can set entries to private. Just to get it all out. And then I would reflect on what I hoped he'd say, vs what in reality he would really say.
Don't call him, you will not get the response you are hoping for, and it will make you feel worse instead of better. You have to go through the pain, "if you're going through hell, just keep moving." Calling him will set you back to square one, and you'll have to start healing all over again.
NO CONTACT. It works.
((HUGS))