Healthy Relationships Support Group

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One for the guys

HealingT
HealingT
I am new to the world of dating since my separation and divorce from my x 14 months ago. My question is this - do men in the 40+ age category find it a turn off if women contact them first through either dating sites or Facebook? I have not dated for over 28 years, and back in the day, I always let the guy make the first move . I know it's 2012, and we have a lot of new technology for communication, but ultimately do most men want to be the initial pursuer? I'd appreciate your thoughts on this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think It depends on the guy. I have been on Match for almost a year and I have met some real nice woman that made the firstr mood. I think for the most part (at least for me I had to make the first move). I however, thought the women that took the risk to emailed me first had guts and I always thanked them for their email.
koolman
koolman
I don't find it a turn-off. I'm always flattered and appreciative, and, even if she's not my type, I always thank her for her interest.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wouldnt find it a turnoff. One thing to keep in mind though, a lot of men are looking for women younger than themselves. When I was dating in my late thirties, I was dating women in their late twenties and early thirties.

If I was a single woman in my forties, I would be looking for men in their fifties.
koolman
koolman
What Prince said is true for me! I tend to "trade down", to a younger, newer model. Young minds, young bodies, fresh ideas. Not to say that I wouldn't be interested in a woman my age (47), it's just that it's been my experience that they tend to be jaded, cynical, ultra-critical, deep in a comfort zone, and are in ragged physical shape. I would love to be proven wrong.
luvmygirl4
luvmygirl4
It's not a turnoff for me if a woman contacts me. I actually will put a little more effort into checking the person out and responding if they do, because they took the effort.

As for age, I am turned off if a woman is more than just a little more than me. I've dated older women a few times, but I've come to the realization that it just is not for me.
HealingT
HealingT
Thanks for the feedback guys. It has been interesting.... I had no idea that a woman's date of birth meant so much to men. This has been enlightening - no wonder women feel compelled to lie about their age.
Dave17
Dave17
I think the differences between people are far more than the differences in the genders. Many men would like it, feeling wanted and desired. Some men woudln't, feel like it made them less manly, or not in control.

and even for specific people that answer could change depending on the person or mood.

My advice, not to sound like the Dad I am... giving advice to my 14 y/o son is

BE YOURSELF. It really isn't any more affective at attracting the opposite sex. Players are best at that. BUT, those that you DO attract are there because they like the REAL YOU.

Wish you the best of luck!
HealingT
HealingT
Thanks, Dave, I think you are right. I'm sure it depends on the individual's personality and history. Yes, they will either like you for who you are or they won't. Life goes on....