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So I always planned it in my mind to be married with 2 children by the time I was 30. Well here comes 30 looming in the shadows and I have one child and am not married yet. I sometimes feel this anxiety to meet the deadlines that I have set for myself. When discussing this with older family members and friends I get the same advice, "you are still young and need to enjoy life, don't rush things." So now I'm thinking to myself, where did this plan come from and why does it cause me so much distress to deviate from it? I'm concerned with my body as I get older and its ability to carry a child. I also dislike the fact that my son is getting so old and he is the only child. I don't want my children to be so spread apart, because I fear they won't be as close. Despite this "obsession" I am enjoying everything about my life. I am close to finishing my graduate program, I have started traveling more, and I enjoy being able to grab my son to hit the streets whenever we want to do something. However, there is still that voice in the back of my head that says, "Do you realize that your getting older, don't forget about 'the plan'." Am I the only one dealing with this? If so where did your obsession stem from????
My plans was to have a clothing business, then it changed to retiring at 45, then it simply changed to living this life as happy as I can. I got married had three kids, cheated on my wife, got a divorce. I went 12 years hated women. Now I'm married I am happy for the most part. My current marriage has many of the same elements as my first marriage and I just live through them.
Failure was never in my plans for my life. But they happened and I go on. I live with hurt from my first marriage and deal with the lack of fulfilled expectation in my current marriage.
I am now 59 years old and I have learned that this life is very long but short. You really don't have time for lingering in regrets, past failures, unachieved goals. All you can do is move on, you have to move on. I still have to deal with my guilt, the divorce, the hurt and a host of other past experiences. But I've learn to put them in perspective. Life guarantees nothing so in that respect my past is becoming my strength.
In the US the scenario goes something like this:
Females: finish school find a husband and have kids
Males: get a job, find a wife and have kids
Depending on how much this is forced on you as a child it then becomes an obsession. The same happens for men as well. But with males it's having the best job, being rich, the material things, then the wife and kids.
You have to figure out what to do with your OBSESSION the plan is fine and it may be altered a bit. But the OBSESSION... OBSESSION...OBSESSION you have got to control it.
Seemed relevant.
What if you never married and /or never had kids?
Or what if you wasted so much of your youth worrying about not achieving these things and you DO end up marrying and having kids?
Either scenario does not make you feel good. So live today for today. Love your life today. Do not have regrets that haven't even materialized.
"Worry is like a rocking chair. The more you do it, it still gets you no where."
Why do I say this? Marriage is hard work. Kids are hard work, too. I worry that I have brought kids into a world that is becoming increasingly nasty. As for my marriage....let's just say that I'm not #1 in DH's life anymore....his Mom is. My heart is shattered and there isn't anything I can do in the short run. But, I have another plan in mind: divorce as soon as my youngest goes off to college. That is 7 years away. There is no way I am going to grow old with DH and his mother.
Maybe it's a good idea to think about the difference between
the pressures you put on yourself to have ticked all the boxes and carried out this plan.
and the external pressures from society to get married have 2 kids lead the standard life etc.
The motives for society to encourage or even induce fear in people to marry, have more children, buy a house, a car etc
are
very similar to those in any sales industry, beauty products, health care, real estate, cosmetic surgery, childrens products, there are many on the market.
You buy into the lifestyle, you must buy the lifestyle accessories if you like. In other words it makes people money. like war creates a demand for weapons.
Just a point
I thought I'd be married by a certain age. I wasn't
I thought I'd have kids by a certain age; was not able to.
I thought I'd own a home by a certain age. Not a homeowner any longer abd that day has come & passed.
Now what?
Just be happy. Your last day on this earth could be today. How about that idea? Every day is a gift. Thank God for each day you are here for your one gift - your son. Stop wanting more, more, more. Please learn to appreciate what you have.