He is most likely keeping his distance from because he knows you are attracted to him and have feelings for him.

I would suggest you do likewise.

It does seem you are a bit infatuated with this man, and that you sure care a lot about what he thinks and feels about you. Maybe look at your own relationship with your husband and see if there is something that you are missing, something you are not getting from your husband? Like Yard_eggs is saying, you do not want to *go there*. Will cause major problems for the four of you! So not worth it. You'll lose 2 friends and probably your husband too. Is this man really worth all of that loss? Do some soul searching. Good luck to you.

I think the attraction is a natural occurrence when you spend a lot of time with a member of the opposite sex. We humans give off mating signals just like all other primates. I think it is wise to back off from each other and not spend any more time alone. He could very well be feeling the same attraction for you, but it will destroy your marriages if you get too close. I know it's hard with kids, but I'd look for opportunities to spend more time doing something fun alone with your husband, without this other couple.

Do you think his distance is because he prefers to hang out with women more confident than you? If he’s in a relationship then he probably prefers to hang out with his partner more than you, no?

He his trying to set boundaries because I suspect your interest in him is probably more apparent to him and others around you than you realize.

If my husband and I were friends with another couple where the husband had feelings for me, I’d stop spending time with that couple and I’d never remain friends just with the husband. It would be an insult to my husband and marriage.

Thank you all for your replies. I am able to take something from
each. My friends and my husband and I lives are so intertwined. I recently experienced the loss of a parent too so I think that fear of losing someone else is driving some of this. My parent was really ill and losing them has been a huge impact on me. I had been spending a lot of time with helping at the hospital. I guess deep down I am afraid of losing someone else. I think I be confusing my feelings for my friend too. We are best friends really. Our group is too close to not see him but I definitely will work on myself.

Big hug sunflower..... I am so very sorry that you lost a parent..... I have lost my birth family and it takes a huge toll on you

I would re evaluate the time you're spending together.... You've said losing someone else would be devastating however if either partner gets wind of your feelings for this man it could have a profound effect on all involved

When someone is a fantasy to us.... It's always perfect..... it's what our mind makes up when we fill in the blanks

I would maybe reassess what's going on within your relationship with your husband..... and perhaps think of putting some healthy boundaries on the time you spend with this man.... xo

you are having those feelings for a reason, IT's not cool!!! It seems like you may need to take some self time out and work on your self esteem...You first, I understand your pain with loosing your mom, I also lost mines and I went under, I was dealing with a breakup around the same time she died, and had other things going on, I was put on a antidepressant and gained 20-30 pds, my self esteem is so low that I hate going any were, I start back dating but all I would do is think about, my lack confidents and would stop dating thinking the guy probably want someone with high self esteem and confident than me, it left me lonely and I'm struggling with this weight issue, but leave that alone it wouldn't work, you have doubts and you need to re event yourself and get stronger you lost a lot losing y our mom. But we must go on. Stay encouraged

Sorry for your loss, Sunflower.

Thank you everyone for the condolences. I have been doing a lot of thinking today. I think I am just sad about losing my Mom. The more I read your responses I thought to myself that I do not actually have feelings for him. It is a sense of loss I am feeling and very low self esteem. I am super sensitive right now about losing people as my Mom was my biggest cheerleader. My Dad too is not doing so well so I guess I am so worried about losing people. He waited to tell me while my Mom was sick. I too have put on a lot of weight due to depression. All of you are wonderful and have actually gave me some sunshine today. Thank you-you have been more helpful than you know!!

either you want to put your energy into your marriage or into someone else
be honest with yourself and decide

I think if you read her responses in the thread you see she has found some clarity. I think it takes a lot of strength and composure to post something, accept the feedback and then do the self analysis to see what may really be the issue.

I hope you are doing well sunflowers123456 and am sorry for your loss. Self reflection is great and important for us all to do. Great advice SunCloudJD.

Sunflowers123456, you show really good insight. Its hard after the death of a loved one to even think about losing someone else. I am sorry for your loss and the bad health of the other parent, your father. Its a hard time when we are having to help our parents as they age out of life. I wanted to throw something else out there that may or may not relate. When I was in a bad marriage, I often found myself being attracted to other men and people like the plumber or the doctor. I never had an affair or acted on these things but I often fantasized/daydreamed about being with them. It was because these other men treated me better than that husband. Once I divorced him, I suddenly had no desire or fantasies about other men. I remarried to a nice guy who treats me well and is invested in our relationship, emotionally close, etc. Friendships are just friendships now, I am not in need of anything to fill my emotional tank from them like I was before.