Marriage doesn’t solve problems and I’d argue it just exacerbates any existing issues. If I’m reading this correctly, you married him knowing he was financially unable to contribute. Get counseling and if he won’t go, then for yourself. He can’t be the entire problem in the relationship.

One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves -

It will all get better once we get married...

If I were in your shoes, I would consider an annulment. Then, as single head of household, I may be eligible for financial assistance.

It does seem that these problems were already in place and I'm guessing with having 2 back surgeries he would have a lot of pain

I can't imagine that camping and back surgery would go together well??

I'm not sure what to write..... I'm sorry that you're unhappy...…

Have you discussed with him what can you work on together to improve the situation?

I agree; it’s hard to know what to say. Part of me thinks counseling so you can both try to navigate the challenges in a healthy manner but there is part of me that does agree to cut your losses now. I don’t see his financial situation improving in a meaningful way. Disability payment can’t be counted on. What if it doesn’t get approved? What then? I think it’s really important to get a plan together for if that does fall through.

LeeLeeKay,

I can sympathize with you since my husband was laid off from work not too long ago. This transition does affect all areas of a marriage. Have you tried community services such as food pantries or a local church for help? We have had to do that in the past until we got back on our feet. Have you and your husband tried a job from home that he can engage in, if he's back doesn't allow him to work? Your efforts to keep the family afloat are admirable. I pray that something can come up very soon so that you can be anxiety free.

I really appreciate all of the input. We just got approved for CalFresh a week ago. It's not much but certainly helps. I will look into other options, too, for assistance. I'm heading home from camping soon and will be discussing our situation with him. My heart goes out to those of you experiencing similar financial situations. I know there's a lesson for me to learn from it all. Keeping an open mind and open heart.

Could he do something like dog walking??… One of my neighbours does that for a living now..... She walks several dogs a day...… Would that be too hard on his back?

keep a open mind and open heart but just don’t do so at the expense of providing your kids with stability. I grew up on public assistance, and money was always an issue in our home. No matter how much my mom tried to hide that from me and my siblings, I knew money was always a problem and my dad was typically the one who wasn’t scrambling to provide. That fell on my mom. Kids know when their parents are worried, know when their is tension, know who is not pulling their physical or emotional weight. That burden is a heavy for kids to experience.

SunCloud, the dog walking is a good idea. His doctor says walking is fine as long as he isn't in pain. I will suggest that.
RMB, I appreciate that input. My son's are very aware of the situation and it breaks my heart that they worry about it, too. I talked to my oldest (16) about me getting a second job, just to prepare him for me being gone in the evenings. He is upset about it which was expected, but I feel it's the only way I can be proactive instead of just stressing put more. I'm really weighing all of these options and can't seem to figure out what is best for everyone.

Back surgeries, especially close together are no joke. The surgeons usually say 6 months, but it actually takes 2 years for a fusion to heal.
After that, scar tissue starts to build and the patient may find himself in the same predicament he was before the surgery - severe, relentless pain.
Although I returned to work after my numerous surgeries, I am unable to function after work. It effects my parenting and trampled my social life. I would not be able to handle a camping trip, even though my last major surgery was 4 years ago.
While finances are definitely a problem, the good news is that he is home and is there when the children come home. If he is unable to work, the minimum he should be able to do is Be present when the kids come home from school.
You definitely have a lot on your plate, but you will get through this. It will be ok.

Thank you, Aronia. I understand the concern about camping after the surgeries. I had planned on bringing the very high quality air mattress that he is comfortable on. He was actually sleeping on it, by choice, when I met him before the surgeries because it was comfortable for him. The camping could have definitely been too much for his back though. We had a good talk after I got home. It still really hurts that he chose not to be there.
It sounds like you have experience with back surgery. Sorry to hear that. I would like any input/advice you have and I also have questions if you're up for it. Thank you again.