Hi gettingitstraight,

It's up to you to get to know her and get to the bottom of "is her behaviour sincere?" or do you feel she's using a lot of her time and energy to get after something else, i.e. money.

The only catfishing I'm familiar with is the scenario of someone borrowing someone else's identity to get money or up their self esteem and refusing to meet in person because essentially they have borrowed someone else picture (usually someone good looking) and they don't want the person to realize that they are not who they say they are. Due to the fact that you have met her in person Id say that doesn't meet the standard deception as she is who her pictures say she is, however that doesn't stop con artists who are after money, a green card, protection, etc.

So again, in my opinion its unlikely that you are being played, as you put it, but slow things down or keep up to a pace youre comfortable with until you do get to know her and her intentions.

Some people are not as superficial as others. Sometimes you will get gorgeous people who don't meet the stereotype of being vain, conceded, etc. and really do love and fall in love with those who treat them right.

Good luck to you :)

Just don't give her any money,don't buy her things.You need to get to know her and really see what kind of person she is.
Looks have nothing to do with it.There are many shallow girls but we all aren't' and your not a bad looking guy

i am not giving her money or anythign else in fact she paid for everything last weekend that we did ,

oops hit enter too soon, i think i just watch too much tv lol

She can't play you unless you let her...like the others said, Don't give her money or other things.
You said she paid, so I doubt she is looking to use you.

Get to know her and have fun!!!
Don't spend your whole life second guessing everything, sometimes you just gotta take a chance!!

Plus Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I have dated many men that most would find not very attractive, but I found them attractive!!

Hey bud... I would just take it slow, get to know her... don't give too much until you feel like you're in comfortable spot. I would suggest watching catfish. It is quite interesting, if not downright frightening.

It's a truly odd paradox when you get a bit older and try to make new friends. I, personally, lost a lot of my friends due to them not believing I had this nasty skin disorder that I have and the implications that has on an ability to at times lead a "normal" life. Also was the notion that I left the workforce to care for an uncle while I was in the midst of working 100 hour weeks saving to buy my first home. People had a big problem with my bailing on social activities first for being ill, and then second for leaving societies normal view of life, ie working etc, despite the fact that I was literally "working" in caring for my family member from 8AM - 10 PM 7 days a week, far more "work" then they had ever put in in a regular work week.

I, like you, have been open to the idea of meeting people from what not long ago was unconventional. I like the idea of getting to know the "who" a person is inside, rather than letting the looks attract me. I've often found out that those who I'm physically attracted to are, unfortunately, those that I'm not emotionally, mentally and spiritually attracted to. I've tried online dating, and though you can get a sense of "who" someone is, I've often found that when I meet someone, I wonder who this woman is because she sure presented a different picture of the "who". It can be tough, while it's possible to get to know the "who", people online have the ability to essentially be whomever they'd like to be and we don't know who that person is until we've physically spent a great deal of time with them. I believe that my prior held notion of getting to know the "who", is unlikely in an online manner of communication or texting or even phone for that matter. It's all about seeing with ones eyes on a day to day basis who someone is. Everyone can be sweet, kind and caring for example... but what happens when that old lady is crossing the street slowly? Does Miss SweetyPie suddenly show a devilish side? You never can quite tell.

I've been on DS for a while, but I have a new profile. A little store: I initially joined on August 23, 2012, having just received a diagnosis for my skin disease after 8 years of misdiagnosis. I was relieved to see a support group and people who were like me with this disease. I immediately started talking to one girl in particular. It was amazing and striking how much we had in common and how many crazy coincidences there were. She'd say things I'd never heard another person aside from my uncle that I took care of until I felt the last beat of his heart. She was a senior in college in Cali and I'm a non-traditional Soph in Mass... we were taking classes that were different - yet, we had the same readings. For about 5 months we talked regularly, day and night. It wasn't uncommon to spent 14 hours a day talking on AIM or having 2-6 hour video chats, phone conversations in the hours, etc. It truly felt like I had found my soul mate, my other half, the one whom my heart had always been longing for. Things started happening though... she made a cheeky comment about "the girls must love my pictures"... so I took photos off my DS account. In the midst of our winter break from school, I had more free time and we began talking less, and in an effort to strike up convo on DS, I put pictures back up. Just to appear a "real person", if you will. I know, for myself, I'd be more apt to talk to someone with photos, just because it seems... hmmm.. like they're more genuine, or a real person. People use the net for nefarious things, so it just provides, for me, a little comfort. She didn't like this, and though I was looking most specifically looking to befriend some men with the same disorder b/c of the differences with male and female issues. However, before I could even get anything out I started getting text messages such as "I HOPE YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN GIVE YOU MORE TIME" and the like. I was taken aback, this was someone I hadn't seen prior. Pure jealousy and anger. I deleted my DS account, still completely smitten and falling very hard, I wanted to make sure that she didn't think that I'd try to find other women to talk to in the manner we were. Furthermore, I added her to my facebook, but she declined. We had been talking for months, at that point, about her flying out here - in the summer. She had initially mentioned winter break, and spring break and I made an attempt by saying I had the money saved and I'd hop the first plane if she'd agree.. .and perhaps I should have seen it as a red flag - she insisted she would come to me and in the summer. So, I figured facebook was a good step - a) if she were to come out here, people should know where she's going and who she's going to see, b) it should be comforting to be welcomed into the other's world a tad more and c) it would just be more safe. The Mante Te'o incident had just unraveled and of course, everyone was on a catfish kick, as well as a kick of if you're going to meet someone online, know who they are, verify that they have friends, family, etc as they say. I figured it was a good step, but shot down.

She often talked about catfish and admittedly I got a bit scared because she always said "what if...." I'm not this, I'm not that and to be quite honest, I got a little freaked out and began looking online for ways to verify that she was, indeed, who she presented herself as. I found such things as a profile of her "ex?"... I can't be sure he's even an ex. Who knows? I was denied facebook, perhaps that's something to hide. This myspace profile had a profile shot of her and him. I know for myself, when an ex and I go a separate way, if I have an online profile featuring pictures with an ex, they get the ole delete. I shrugged things off and took her word and gave her the benefit of the doubt, however, she did say she didn't feel comfortable with my looking online. There's a fine line between safety and crossing boundaries. I wanted to be safe, as I was beginning to see a very different girl.

Here's where things took a very difficult turn for the worse - In early February, I rejoined DS. This girl that had made jealousy - laden comments about my pictures, fabricating my desire to talk to other women and being very angry about it, saying things like "got a hot date tonight" if I was gonna hang with my buddies but dressed decent... the one who got angry that I would talk to other women was talking with other men - which I don't care about. I'm not here to control anyone, however, if someone's going to put restrictions on me, she best better live up to it. I ask for fairness and balance. What's good for the goose better be good for the gander. Upon rejoining DS, and sending her a friend request, she didn't accept and rather made her profile private. We talked for a day - or argued. I tried to let it be for the night, as she would typically not reply to me, when angry, for hours. I figured we could look at things from a new perspective the next day. My friend request was eventually accepted, but here's something for you: Any comments I left her with compliments were deleted. Strangely, though, while the guy who she's telling she's "falling for" has his comments deleted, she thanks other guys. She didn't want people to see our "relationship play out online".
The last 3 months have been hellish. The last 6 weeks I didn't see any signs of her having any interest in me. Often times the excuse was she was too busy to reply. Then it was too busy to reply with any sign of affection specifically. Though, she could respond with other things. On 3 occasions I asked a simple question, "do you still feel the same", "can you tell me how you feel" and "do you still feel as though you'll be travelling here to meet" and each time rather than saying how she feels or if she'll be coming here, a very quick and easy thing to do, she gave me the silent treatment for days at a time. I'd send her messages saying please just say something, heck tell me you don't feel anything if that's what it is, don't just leave me hanging, that's cruel and cold. We had the last instance of this 3 and a half weeks ago and she set expectations in place - her expectations of me, one of which was that I would continue to be the sweet, loving guy sending her lovey dovey texts, telling her how great she is etc... the only expectation I could have is that she would try to be more communicative. To me, and to most I've talked to (I was raving to everyone that I'm close to offline about her and looking more forward to meeting than anything I ever have) agreed that this whole scenario of you be loving and she stays cold is highly manipulative, and certainly not good behavior, nor does it impart a sense that she has any interest or has feelings. I understand not having much time and having lots of stress. I was in school also, with a full schedule as well as having the stress of helping 2 parents who are both very ill with cancer.
A few days ago, I said I've lived up to your expectations but I can't keep doing this, for what has stretched into months has been me continuing to be acting like a bf with words and actions and her remaining like a platonic friend that doesn't even want much to do with you. My heart was weary and damaged, my psyche and soul being drained from putting all of my emotion into someone who seemingly cared not for me. This turned into an argument and accusations that I called her mean things. All the blame on me. She couldn't see that I was commenting on her cold behavior and would refuse to even recognize that I sent her messages stating this behavior doesn't define her, in fact the most sweet loving girl I had ever known that she used to be is what defined her, but this behavior had to stop if we were to meet. I was not about to have someone fly out here from California to Mass to meet when things were already strained and very unfair and unbalanced and who I've spoken with less in 3 months than I did in any given one day period of time of the 5 months that we spoke substantially.
Needless to say, after a lot of reflection, I don't know who this person is. She is completely foreign to me, playing games and toying with my heart, soul and emotional well being. She has taken a huge toll on me, making me desire not love, but solitude and a wish that I'd never begun speaking with her for the damage she has done to my almost consistent through my life desire to find my soul mate.
I caution you to be very very wary. Take your time. Yes, we're adults and you would be a consenting adult, but don't just jump in the sack with this girl. Take time to get to know her deeply on a personal level - from spending time with her. Spend time talking rather than going for fulfillment of physical desire. See who she is, not what she is. Go into this with caution, but being open to more if she consistently remains someone that you'd like to open up to further. Just do so with a great deal of caution. In life, you never know who the next person is, whether you meet them at the grocery store, in a class or online. However, meeting someone online gives you that advantage (or disadvantage) of "getting to know who the person is" rather than letting looks & physical attraction lead the way. Move forward with things, but do so with caution. Meet with her, have several dates, perhaps many before you decide what you want to do with this. If you truly dig her and she truly digs you, taking time should and would be the best things possible. There's nothing worse than jumping into something before you have a decent understanding of who someone is. I'm sure you know, in going through a divorce that people are quite complex and even the most stunningly beautiful of mind, heart, soul and body can be different once you get to see all the different facets of who they are. I wish you well, but remember, proceed with caution.

I have never heard of the catfish thing.Scary thought

it just seems a little overboard i mean we talked for a while on facebook as friends and now this but i guess i was in the bad relationshiop i was in and just might not be used to it, either ,

You obviously like each other.. Just enjoy this time of romance and suspense and have fun with it. Make love, laugh, flirt....
Live for today.
If it s meant to be, it will grow.

Catfish is more about someone sending fake pics, profiles, etc...then, when you meet them, you realize they aren't who they say they are.

I feel that any time your gut says something, listen. Be cautious.

well we went out again yesterday and i am still not sure the physical end of it is not the problem but there is nothing else nothing really in common so not sure its gonna work out anyway