If you care to share, I think more info would help. Do you think your anxiety now, is coming from what happened with your last relationship?

Is there anything your new partner does that triggers something in you, causing anxiety in this relationship?

It's only been a month, so maybe some time and patience with yourself, not rushing anything for you, is what might help you feel more comfortable.

Thanks for the quick response. I think I stayed in my last relationship for way too long and was really mistreated towards the end. I had a serious sense of dependency at the time and felt like I couldn’t be on my own. I also felt like with time, he got so comfortable and wasn’t putting in the effort necessary to care for me.

My current partner is very open and understanding to my fears but I also don’t want to burden him with it constantly.

I think a lot of it comes from a fear of the unknown and a fear that this relationship will end and I will be back in the place where I was when my engagement fell apart. But I agree that it is still fresh and I’m hoping in time I will feel more comfortable.

An 8 year relationship, where you were engaged too, is going to take time to get over. I believe you said it ended 2 years ago?

I would suggest taking things slow in this new relationship. I know you have known him for a long time as a friend, but this is a different situation now.

Take as much time as you need. Don't feel rushed to do anything at all, or agree to be bf/gf right away. Listen to your gut, too. Meaning... I'm not completely sure if this guy is the right guy to get in a relationship with? I don't know, obviously. But do you fear you will lose him as a lifelong friend, if the bf/gf relationship doesn't work out? That he knows too much of your past... and that possibly you need a whole new guy?

Is he just "safe" to be with?

It's normal to have the fear that this might end, before it's really even begun, due to the circumstances with your last relationship. Do you think you might need more therapy perhaps?

Writing out your feelings and thoughts in a journal is also helpful to sort things out and to decrease anxiety.

‘The past is gone and the future is not here yet. All we have is this moment in which to live’. Buddha.
It’s important to meditate on impermanence. Our relationships, health even our lives will pass. There’s two ways to feel this truth. One is to have it be a weight, the other is to see that the best way to live the time we have is to enjoy every moment.
This has changed my marriage into something special. I keep working on myself because that’s where I am truly safe. This keeps me grounded and available to her. Living this way without expectation takes practice and eventually you will see it creates the healthiest relationship possible.
It’s taken me two years to shift to this. I highly recommend it. Look at it closely. Holding tightly creates suffocation. Knowing that you are each free and are together to enjoy that freedom makes a great life.

Thank you both! I definitely agree. I think a lot of this is that feeling of dependency still and I need to focus more on self fulfillment. But I really appreciate you sharing. That’s a great way to look at it. I do work with a therapist as well to focus on trusting myself and embracing the present more.

Any big life change can be scary and anxiety inducing to some extent! It is especially difficult when you have that nagging thought in the back of your head that you'll end up in a bad place like you were before. From my experience, it has been helpful to sit down and write out all my thoughts, fears, and inner feelings and talk myself through all of them. Remember this new person you are seeing is not the person you were with before, and that things are different and new this time!

Though you know your partner for a long time when you start living together as a couple then also the new couple feels uncomfortable with each other at the beginning. Give a little more time to adjust to each other.

Big hug jj…… If you believe the anxiety is beyond the norm getting some professional help might be a good help for coping skills..... Your family doctor could refer you to someone

We have a good Anxiety board on here..... I tend to be a worry wart as well at times and I am well aware of how detrimental it can be

If you can work through this on your own great but if you can't there is good help available...

Love what you wrote finallyawkenow!!…..xo