Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hi all~ I'm a divorced mom of a 7 (almost 8) year old son. My divorce was final in November 2010, and I started seeing someone seriously in October 2011. My son and boyfriend have met within the past 4 months, and are still trying to get to know each other and get used to each other.
My boyfriend and I love each other very much and have a wonderful time when we're together - alone. he told me last night that he's having a hard time sharing me with my son. I understand that things are different when it's 3 of us, vs. just he and I. I feel stuck and helpless.. Is there anything that I can do that will help ease the situation? Or is this mainly his issue that he will have to deal with and decide whether he can accept it? How long do these "adjustment periods" last? This situation has me so stressed.
My boyfriend and I love each other very much and have a wonderful time when we're together - alone. he told me last night that he's having a hard time sharing me with my son. I understand that things are different when it's 3 of us, vs. just he and I. I feel stuck and helpless.. Is there anything that I can do that will help ease the situation? Or is this mainly his issue that he will have to deal with and decide whether he can accept it? How long do these "adjustment periods" last? This situation has me so stressed.
Maybe going out to a zoo or somewhere fun that can loosin both boys up would work some remember all men are still boys inside when there older laugh sorry to say that but admit it! But maybe something like that where your son and him both can enjoy and will make them have fun together!
Hugsss
Clare 24 - he really just sprung this on me the other night, and it was getting late so I couldn't devote all the energy needed to discuss it. I do plan to resume the discussion with him over the weekend.
Scarlet Angel - I fully agree with you. It is something that only he can accept. I just know he's not that used to being around children so it's really new for him.
We just spent a week on vacation - just the two of us. It was so wonderful! We had an amazing time and enjoyed each other so much. We get along great and never really argue. I feel like we make a good team, and truly thought things are going well. I appreciate the honesty that he's still having difficulty with that part of my life, but if I can't do anything substantial about it, it really stresses me out.
When I introduced my daughter to my boyfriend, he had similar issues. He said that he loved her very much, but still wanted some "just us" time.
And so I do just that. I plan ahead and create time for just him and I...and plan ahead with him for time for the 3 of us to spend together. Sometimes it's hard because he wants to do last minute things that don't work with me or my daughter's schedule. It takes time for guys to get used to it sometimes, but if he loves you, he will accept that you are a package deal. That being said- try to make time for just the two of you too. It's all about balance. Even if he was your son's dad...you would still need to find ways to have some private time without him sometimes.
I think he's jealous because he sees how affectionate you and your son are toward each other, which is understandable, but it's the bond between mother and son, and he should accept it.
If he's a man worth half his salt, he'll try to bond with your son. Maybe he'll initiate a conversation with your son about something your son is doing, some toy your son is playing with, see if your son is into fishing or football or something your man is also into. Who knows? They could become lifelong buds!