I am sorry you are I'm a situation that is hurtful to you, and glad you are reaching out for support here. Some of the behaviors you are describing MAY be connected with substance abuse. Is there any chance that is a possibility? It's not normal or healthy behavior and most likely will get worse. Is your physical safety an issue at all?

I was in a 7 month relationship many, many years ago with a guy like that. He was fine the first few months but then got angry and controlling so that was the end of him.

Has he always been this way or is this something new going on with him? If this is unusal for him, were there any drastic changes in his life, with family, job, problems in your relationship, any new stresses or issues?

You said he's also like this with his friends, have you talked to his friends about it to see if they know what might be behind it?

I would talk to him rationally, ask him what is going on, tell him you want honest answers and I'd make it very clear that that kind of behavior won't be tolerated.

unfortunately his friends are a big part of the problem....but I'm not going down that road ....been there done that. He has gone through a lot of change in the course of 4 years, we've been separated before durring that time as well and so alot of this has unfortunately shaped him into who he has become....

No spouse, so no. Sorry, but you've just given me more ammunition not to get married, if this is the outcome of marriage. Depends on whose marriage it is, I suppose. I would not stand for this, and I'd be EX-married so fast it would make his tiny head spin.

Yes, I think there is something wrong with him. He's getting older. And perhaps he's been unemployed for a long time? In which case, his entire world, which used to be large and productive, has shrunk to "I get off this couch and get a beer". I think he's angry about his own life, which didn't turn out quite the way he wanted, and now, for whatever reason, he feels powerless to do anything about it. Unjustly, because he's married, he's taking it out on you, simply because you happen to be the human being in closest proximity.

Beyond therapy, I can say that exercise greatly helps lift me out of my funks of depression. Can the two of you take walks? It'll get the blood pumping to the brain as well as all other extremities, and will give you both time to bond and simply enjoy each other, a brisk breeze, get you both thinking and talking on some very deep levels, rekindling old fond feelings.

You may just both need to get out of the house. Domestic life can be stifling.

Broken, my DH is the same. 2 days ago he told me he loved me, I was his soulmate and he was attracted to me. Yesterday he called me names, said he was done with me and wanted to emotionally hurt me. He is also an angry, dissatisfied person. He is VERY critical of everyone and VERY negative all the time. It's an up and down roller coaster that is exhausting. I want to be positive and make good changes fro myself and he seems to be angry about that and want to punish me for it. I think we need to step aside enough to keep our sanity. We can't let their nutty behavior dictate ours. Hugs from an emotionally imprisoned wife.

I think the criticism is him deflecting from the real issues of your marriage. When there is something big we can't change, like not getting enough attention or affection from our spouse, we will often focus on little things that make us upset, like forgetting to do a specific chore.

What are the bigger issues that are not resolved in your relationship?

Thenagain nailed it. He is critical of you because he has his own issues he refuses to accept and deal with and because he lacks the skills to communicate in a healthy manner.

I would worry about whether or not YOU are happy with yourself. If he isn't happy with you, that's his hang-up.

thanks guys. Yeah it's him completely, not dealing with his own hurts. He has a successful job and loves what he does, that's not his issue, but at one point we were very involved in church and we almost became youth pastors. But over the course of a couple years he's stopped going and has now gone back to a lifestyle that at once almost destroyed him. And it's hard because I'm still trying to keep the same life we dreamed of 15 years ago...yet he's no longer wanting this dream anymore so he says. Many of the things we were once agaisnt as a couple he has now thought of as ok and he knows he's wrong, but because I'm trying to live out our dream still I'm the bad guy, and he's distanced himself . I'm still not ever going to be the perfect wife but I'm a damn good one to him, and it doesn't matter how much I change things to accomodate him, I'm never good enough. Yet I don't want to end our marriage because I still see in him what he once was and I'm holding on hoping that soon he'll come back to what he once was and want to persue what we once wanted to together.