Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I have been in a relationship with this woman for 7 months. We started out a little fast and got very physical very fast as well. (We are both very physical people) Two days ago she tells me she needs to talk to me...she stammers for a minute and says she doesn't know how to tell me this...her ex-boyfriend of 2 1/2 years ago gave here a little present...herpes!! SO....I am numb...don't know what to think or do or say to her. She is very very much in love with me and is so worried she will lose me over this. I am not sure how I feel about her before or after this. I think I love her, but I am just not sure. She admits she should have told me right away in the beginning. I am not sure how I feel. There are so many good things about her and yet so many things that bother me...she has three kids (one with bad adhd) and an ex-husband who is a piece of work. I have been wondering what I am going to do in this relationship and now I feel as though I have been lied to and deceived for 7 months!! It's not like it's something little, she takes Valtrex daily and hasn't had a breakout in years, but we have been stupid sometimes in the heat of battle and not done the right thing so now I feel like I will be looking over my shoulder (or actually...down there) for the rest of my life and wondering...I don't know if I can see us together for the rest of my life...one of my best friends told me this would have been an instant deal breaker for him...no relationship, no nothing...you lied period...I guess I am kinda way too sweet and kind and well...maybe dumb....help...need some opinions...
Dude ihave no clue what i would do. i guess it would depend on how strongly you feel for her...but id be damn sure to wrap that thing up anytime you went near her...you also have to think of oral..id be very careful...i used to work for a dermatologist and a Pt came in with a suspicious lesion on her cheek..came back as sexually transmitted herpes..i guess from going down on her boyfried. be very careful.
The hard part now is for you to decide if this is something you can live with and get past it or is going to be an issue that will continue to haunt you. In saying that I think the only person that can answer that will be you. I have no doubt that you will receive many responses to your post on what others will do. However the bottom line is what do you feel is right for you, your future and what you can live with. Personally for me I would end it if this happened to me but that is what I know is right for me.
In saying that my advice to you would be to not make any serious commitments to this woman until you are comfortable and you have sorted out your feelings. Perhaps it might even be a good idea if the two of you discussed a temporary separation so you can have that time to sort out all the concerns and doubts. It may even be helpful it you talk to a counsler in helping to sort out all the emotions your are going through right now.
Whatever you decide make sure it is something you are comfortable and happy with so there are no regrets later. Wishing you the very best now and in your future to come:)
Good luck. This is a tough one but I think if it were me I would giver her a really big peice of my mind then kick her to the curb because she didn't care enough about you as a human to tell you before she slept with you which could have allowed you to make that decision on your own.
1) If you have to question whether you love her, you really don't. It has been my observation that people either know or don't know when they are in love.....hesitation, wondering or questioning usually means you are not.
2) Any type of relationship involves trust and she done broke that before you even got going! This will not be an easy thing to overcome.
My guess is that if you have contacted herpes from her, that will be much easier to control and live a full sexual life with after her, then building on something that has been forced upon you.
I'd move on friend. Lies don't happen in isolation.
And why is she so concerned about losing you over this???? HELLO!!! Gotta tell you, I don't like her "type of love." She is more concerned with what she wants not about your welfare. If she truly love you, she wouldn't have put you at risk that way. And for 7 months, no less. Ummm, herpes is no joke, now I know you understand that but, there's more to this nasty little thing than meets the eye or common knowledge. The burning, pain, takes a long time to get undercontrol etc. There are even 2 different types of herpes etc. It's not simple.
And you certainly shouldn't have to deal with the headache of her ex. That's crazy too. And then 3 children. Not 1, 2, but 3. And one of the kids has adhd as well. I have a special needs child. These kids are big blessings and I certainly wouldn't change my life for anything but the work required is alot. What is her parenting style with her kids?
I'm sorry, but your current gf is extremely selfish. I don't think she deserves you at this time. She lied to you on something that could permanently affect your health.
Give her sometime to deal with her own life in a way that allows her to grow and mature in honesty and beauty. Sounds like she needs that for herself. She should also be able to handle the ex without you being involved. Seriously, she should have already taken care of him so that he isn't a big blip on your radar screen. The fact that you are saying "he is a piece of work" . . . is yet another red flag.
Give yourself some time to examine why you like her so much. And go to the doctor to get checked out. What's done is done. Now you need to take care of yourself.
And I am with Goldfish on this one....