Since you have slept with her, and you reciprocate during "tender" moments, I would break up, not take a break. I think it would be best for both of you. At this time, and it seems unintentional, you are sending her mixed signals which, unintentional or not, isn't fair to her.

We will have a talk next time I see her.
Thank you everyone for the advice.

I will tell her how I feel and see if she wants to break up or take a break. I need to man up.

I know she is a strong woman and probably have gone through this before, since she was never married, but I just don't want to hurt her, especially since she never did anything wrong. This is all on me.

Relationships are never easy. UGH!!!!!

OTM: just curious on #11, You never had cassual sex with someone you are attracted to but not that into?

Tell her you enjoy her very much and just want to keep this light and fluffy.

Just because someone doesn't do something wrong doesn't mean you should stay with them. Nowhere do you mention that she knocks your socks off. She meets some checklist so you somehow think that she is perfect for you. Uhm, not exactly. You just aren't that into her. Maybe you've been married before but somehow I'm doubting that woman knocked your socks off either.

I think maybe you didn't give yourself enough alone time before you started dating someone right after divorce... possibly made it hard for you to fall for someone again, and why you have no feelings for her...but that is just my thoughts.

OTM: just curious on #11, You never had cassual sex with someone you are attracted to but not that into? "

A: Yes I have.
So you are saying she knew all that? You told her that you were attracted but not that into her? Well, that is fair.
So it should go well then.

I agree with the others also....You probably should have been single for at least a year or more before dating again.

Oh well, live and learn right?

From a female's point of view, the worst deal is when a woman becomes involved with a man just getting a divorce or getting out of a serious relationship. Often he uses her to nurse his ego back into shape, then leaves her when he's feeling cocky and confident again! But at least you are being honest with yourself and are prepared now to be honest with her. It is one of life's oddities that we can meet someone "perfect" and who meets all the specifications on our "list", but there is simply not the right chemistry.

Let's not shame Sommerdad because he is not some evil man whore who uses women. After a long marriage it is difficult to figure out how to relate to potential partners as a * dater* and not as a husband or wife, because this is All you know at that point. The only way to learn to date again is to date. Taking time off to regroup after divorce helps, but it will not help you acquire dating skills.
So, mistakes are going to happen. In this case I think the unintentional mistake is that you may be accepting attention from this woman and trying to give her attention as two people would in a serious relationship vs just dating and you may not have realized at the start that it is not clicking for you all the way.
I think it is good that you are having these feelng of remorse and uncertainty because many people throw their SOs away like trash and never look back. My best friend's man broke up with her on the PHONE after 5 years of making plans for their future together. She never even got an explanation why except for some bullshit lines .
5 years later she is still hurting .
Just make it right by the lady, learn from the experience and I hope things will be a little clearer next time. Maybe having sex early is not a good idea unless you both agree that it is just sex and nothing more.

I apologize if I came across as shaming you.

I may have been taking your post too personal somerdad.

I am in a relationship now and He has made it very clear to me that he only wants me....that basically I am THE one.
So I guess I was viewing your post from where I am now. I would be really hurt and pissed off if now he decided he really didn't feel that way.
I am sorry that I came at you like that.

But yeah shit happens. Hell people are together for 10-20 years and then change their minds. So nothing is ever written in stone.

I wish you all the best and hope that you find what you are looking for.

Aronia: you described my situation perfectly. I was happy being with someone and I was giving her my full attention as if we were in a long term relationship. I don't know how to act just by dating. I give my all. But what happens when I realize I am not ready?
OTM: No need to apologize. Not once did I think you were attacking or shaming me. You Were Giving Me Feedback And I appreciate that.
I will see her this Tuesday night and I will tell her how I feel.
Again, thank you everyone for your feedback.

I think you should be honest, and break it off now. You said, you don't see it working out long term. Yet it sounds like she's becoming attached.

I do not recommend, you waiting until you have things secure with other girl, to break up with current gf. If you're sleeping with both (but not telling either one, about it), most would say that is cheating!! I have been cheated on (multiple times), and it's really f'd my brain up big time... It's very difficult for me to believe/ trust what any guy tell me anymore. Usually when I've asked about this stuff, I've been told I am crazy (and later find out, my suspicions where correct).

If you want casual sex, be clear about that up front. You'll be doing both of you a favor doing that. Don't play games....

Sorry if my last post was not very clear, I guess what I was trying to get at, if you know it's not going to work out, better to break it up with her now, than string her along and break it up with her, say a year later (or three years later)....

Mtz3: i am not seeing anyone else. There isn't even a prospect. With 3 kids, I don't have time for multiple relationshhips. I have tried and it is a lot of work. When I started dating her I was dating other women too, and when we became intimate, I stopped seeing the others.

I am glad to read that, that you stopped dating other people when you first became intimate. Thank you for doing that!!! In my experience, most guys (since my divorce 4 years ago), do not do that. Most continue to love bomb me (to get in my pants), while seeing other people (and not tell me that-lie).

Well, I did it. I told her that I am not ready to commit to a relationship. I was so nervous and panicky before I got to her place.
It went better than I thought. She understood and wished me well. Hope I don't have to do that again.