Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Narcissist gaslighter

Trudy1021
Trudy1021

The older I get the more I see that I am married to an man with anger, gaslighting, communication issues. With narcissist traits. We have been together for 25 years and married for 22. Our kids are 24 and 18. They have both stated over the yrs that I care more for him than he does for me, and it shows. I feel more like his mom than wife. He can be fine one minute and spasing  the next. We all just say oh gosh here he goes again. The littlest thing can set him off. Lately he has been very mean and vulgar. He has health issues which I stay on him about its like he is my 3rd child. I feel unappreciated walked over and worthless at time not to mention my own ocd and panic disorder.

Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
wow, I was married to one too. I threw in the towel. 25 years married and could not take it anymore. Yes, mine had health issues too. No matter what you do or do not do, it is never good enough. My kids and I were always walking on eggshells. Afraid of what mood he was in. Line up a lawyer, therapist and a financial advisor. You need to look after yourself. Hugs
Trudy1021
Trudy1021
I have the therapy sessions twice a wk for me and my mental health. I literally don't know how they can go from 0 to 100 over the smallest things and then when you point it out they act like it never happened and you're just crazy
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Been there too. With him, he wanted to be Peter Pan. It was always mommy wants this or likes that. She knows more. And the list goes on. He never trusted me with anything. In the end, he did move back home with mommy. But mommy kicked him out She moved in with her daughter and he had to find his own place. He was expecting an 85 year old, sick lady to look after him. His mother died recently and even his sister does not want him living with her. I was in therapy for years too. One thing, do not take ownership of his attitude. That belongs to him. I was 57 when I filed for divorce. Now, I am doing very well. Nice, huge condo with a clear view of a lake. Happy and at peace with life. I am almost 72 now. You can do it. It is hard. I do not see him that often. But when I do, I smile, turn around and walk away.
urbangardener
urbangardener
Yes me too. When I stopped being his mother, I freed myself. You get to decide whether staying married in this sick dance is what you want. My narcissistic ex is remarried and he’s still under age 65 but with tons of debilitating health issues. I dodged a bullet but his current wife is very codependent. I did 30 years of hard time in that marriage.
somethingnew2022
somethingnew2022
My issues in marriage weren't exactly the same, but I was unhappy too. I decided to get help for myself---find a therapist so I could talk in a safe space about all the things that were concerning me. Over the course of a couple of years in therapy, I started to choose things that made me happy and to do things that took care of me. Bit by bit, I found I depended much less on him for a lot of things and felt more certain about my desire to end the relationship. I also felt more confident that I could do that and still survive. Your needs and desires are important, and you are worthy of kindness, love and respect---especially in your intimate relationships.
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