I am sorry to hear that. Yes, I think some moms want so much for us that they are not axactly flexible with what they want you to accomplish.

Honestly though, she sounds like someone who does not know how to express her feelings in a healthy way. Probably due to her own childhood.

It is hard to hear, if you don’t feel as though you can talk to her about how she makes you feel when she talks with you in this manner, I suppose you could for yourself define it as her language. Then you could take what she says turn it into your language and take the positive from it.

For instance, she wants me to be healthy and she wants me to make the pilgrimage because she believes it is good for my soul. And one day I will go, but for now the best I can do is plan.

Be good to yourself. Nod your head yes to your mother.

Yeah, my mom says all kinds of things to me without thinking. Odo's suggestion is a very good one. Tell your mother you are planning to make the pilgrimage but cannot due to work constraints. Maybe talk with her more about the pilgrimage as if it was a sure thing, like things she wants you to see and do along the way. It might help her feel as if you are respecting her ideas a little more.

I don't know anybody who doesn't say things without thinking at least once in a while. Sometimes more often than others. Some of my most bone-headed speeches were given without thinking. I am still working to fix that, but. . . Works in progress and hopes for tolerance and/or forgiveness.

What kind of pilgrimage is Mum wanting for you? I've been on some top notch pilgrimages and each one was unique.

Hope you and your mum work things out.

Just like the others, I also believe sometimes Moms don't realize how they do come across to us. My Mom is long gone now , but there were times things she said and the manner in which she said them did have some negative effects on me for a long time.

In my case, As Odo pointed out, my Mom came from an unhappy background, so the way she said things was to try to prevent me from repeating (what she thought were) her mistakes. She was concerned but had no idea I would be guilted and shamed for a long time (until this was pointed out in therapy years later.)

In your case, I do wonder if the pressure is on because this is something either she missed (or does not want you to miss out on because to HER it is important. The fact that she turned the guilt on there at the end (if you miss out, don't blame her) and how strongly SHE feels should not force you to do anything you are not that eager to do and certainly not if you are not ready.
Is very hard todo, but you should try to tell her how this all makes you feel. She may not listen or be able to hear you (when someone is still in denial and dysfunction, they can't always hear what we say) The importance though is for us to be able to begin to speak up for ourselves.

My thoughts and prayers are with you that you may find that strength and courage to begin to stand up for yourself and speak your mind. Hugs too.

Are you really only 14? It matters only in that if you are under a parent’s care and they are very concerned for you they can sometimes just be overbearing. Or her beliefs are very strong and sometimes when you are up against that it’s hard to have reasonable discussion. If you are an adult then it’s easier to say hey appreciate your concern and I love you, but this is my decision

Words hurt but they are ultimately just words. I know we want different from our parents but sometimes we just have to deal with their short comings and nonsense. Your mom’s issues, and saying things that are not very nice and her beliefs are not about you; they are about her. It’s hard to remember that.

I am 40 bless not sure why its noted as 14. I did explain to her that as I work in a college I can't take holidays as and when I want to and its going to be hot in April time. But she doesn't see reason and had a go at me, This scared me of the potential of getting ill again and I am married woman yet she doesn't treat me like that. I want to go when its right for me, I feel stuck in the middle cos I have my husband getting involved and saying there is no point wasting money just for two weeks and doesn't understand the significance of going.

Hi- It’s good that you already explained to your mom about your reasons of not going to pilgrimage.

I pray that things will get better between you and your Mom. Please stay healthy. You are in my prayers. God bless.

I haven't spoken to her afterwards, its just really hurt me,

She doesn’t treat you like an adult because she sees you as a child, and you kind of let her do that. Try to put the hurt aside and calmly tell her you do not want to go right now. If she wasn’t Sri go she can. You have to be firm, not mean, not upswt but just matter of fact. Otherwise she will know your week spots and try to trigger them.

Do you really think and believe not going on a pilgrimage is going to cause your illness again. I mean, intellectually do you believe that? If not, then just put aside worrying about getting sick again. I have a chronic disease. I get worrying but you know what you need for yourself to live well.

You aren’t in the middle. This is you needing to set boundaries with your mom.

I set my boundaries but she doesn't listen and uses emotional blackmail its her nature...

When you set boundaries you are responsible for maintaining them. They don’t work otherwise.

If she doesn’t listen, you have to say mom, I’m not talking about this again. I’m hanging up now. And then do it. If she calls back to manipulate you, again tell her what you expect or want and that you are hanging up. You have to keep doing it and be firm. If you don’t , then you actually have no boundaries.

You have to really own your role in the relationship and take some control over how you react to her.

I don’t think the issue is solely your mom’s but how you give your power away to her.

I don't want to talk to her at the moment anyway

Big hug rampage..... I hear that it really hurts.... I agree with sticking to your boundaries and not giving into emotional extortion

It's good your taking a break..... When she realizes that these tactics no longer work she'll stop using them..... Another hug......xo