If I bring up emotions that are negative, he internalizes them and tells me "You've had problems with other ppl ever since I've know u. If it's not me, it' s your daughter, your mother.... etc" In other words, don't nag me and I am not interested in hearing what is really wrong.

My husband will not have sex with me. He did before we were married. Then on our wedding night, I put on a sexy nightgown... and he lay there like a STONE> He would not even kiss me. It was the weirdest thing ever. That's been ten years ago. And i can say we had sex about ten times after that. Seven years ago he cried and bawled and threw a fit bc I wanted to have sex on vacation. I've left him alone ever since. But I have just read that this is called "Stonewalling" and it is passive aggressive behavior.

Now he is in a new job. He is always tired. He never wants to go any where.... and if we do , he complains about how much other ppl spend on vacations and how they have too many damn toys, boats, etc... They shldn't need all that... While we sit at home and never go any where ... and having fun with money is not needed in this life.

He told me this weekend that you cannot have enough money in the bank. He has 72K just in his checking account. That's not including my savings, my checking, my retirement IRA, which i am still feeding, and his retirement... our cars are paid for , our house is paid for... but we can't take a vacation this summer. We havent been on a vacation in about 9 years. We did go on one 8 years ago and he acted so awful... w/ the won't have sex fit and was mad at me the whole vacation.... that I vowed in my head that I was not going to waste my time and good money while he acted like a big baby .... it was so miserable. And I am now realizing that he MEANT for it to be that way. He wanted it to be miserable so that I would leave him alone about going anywhere EVER again.

That is passive agressive. 

And I've had to fight tooth and nail to get any changes made on the house. He gets so upset and stressed. 

I think I am going to pack my stuff, pack my classroom, pack the small things and put them in the garage and leave for a while. I've just about had it I really need to get away from him. 

I've realized that since April... ive become increasingly depressed bc i no longer have my job to distract me. HIS gdamn job put a stop to that. And yes. That makes me angry that he has NO self esteem and I get sick of being his self esteem. I feel backed into a corner.

It is REALLY hard to love a man that has no confidence in himself and has a very low self esteem. They sabatage so many things in the relationship and constantly beat themselves up... so that u will not speak your true mind and help resolve marriage issues. 

I tried to talk to him about the depression that I am feeling. I think about suicide or death every day. i told him I feel stuck and that his answer is always no and i don't know how to deal with always being told no... we can't go.... we can't spend this... we can't have that... we can't have company... we can't have sex... i am tired... u are tired... 

He was relieved when I got RA. He began to have problems when I started pulling out of it... "Now you're going to start wanting to go places"... he actually said that to me. 

I know I need counseling. I am afraid. I don't want this marriage to disolve. But I do feel very lonely.