If he's not ready to keep his promises and get healthy, then you had better start packing, even if you don't want to go. There's nothing good that comes from giving ultimatums but not following through on them. He'll just learn that there's no backbone to your words and that he can do and say anything with no repercussions. Also nothing good comes from not setting boundaries and sticking with them (I learned this too late). You need a healthy environment for your child, growing up in an alcoholic household will not set her up for future emotional success. Stay strong and do the right thing by your child.

OMG. My situation is similar. My husband is also an alcoholic with mental health diagnoses and i know i am insane for sticking with him for 24 years(married for about 9 yrs.). He is totally untrustworthy, unreliable, lazy, filthy, slovenly and more. A chronic liar, controller and manipulator. I finally realized i was emotionally and financially abused fairly recently. I want to dump him, but am afraid i cant make it on my own, mainly due to loneliness. Alcoholics can be sociopathic. Mine is.
Setting strict boundaries with them is crucial. I believe there is an Al-Anon group here at daily strength that we should check out. Also , if you go to you tube and type in Al-Anon (meetings) there are groups and other things tthere. Probably have stuff on Dual Diagnoses (alcoholism and mental health problems) too. I think taking that leap of faith and leaving them is the answer.
Thank you for your post. It was what i needed to help me get through today. Good luck.

Alcoholism is another illness...... Al anon can help you to do what you need to do for yourself

It's free.... The meetings are all over you could just look up meetings close to your home and it will help you to stop enabling and take care of you

Big hug.... I grew up with an alcoholic father many moons ago and it's an illness that has a profound effect on the whole family......xo

I know I should leave him, the love I still have for him males feel like if I leave then I will be giving up on him. He has attempted multiple suicide tries, the last one he damn near succeeded. I'm afraid for his health , also I'm afraid of him going completely crazy too. I don't know what it's like for him to be completely sober, he always has something to drink at the end of the day, but I'm beginning to think he may be a sociopath. At least he fits the description of one, or is he just broken and truly is lost and needs help. He has burnt too many bridges with his family and mine and both are completely done so I am now the only one he has left. Do I stick it out and see if he can keep another promise and not drink/drugs, continue marriage and individual counseling, or do I leave and completely wash my hands of him.
My first husband resembles him so much and he ended up hanging himself. I want to help him through this hard time in his life, but is he just using me to stay in a cycle of crap he has been living in his whole entire life.? I feel lost, and without any clue on if he is fixable or if he is a pyscopath. I called his therapist just a few ago and left a message,but don't know if that will help...

As hard as it is, you are not responsible for him.. you have a child to worry about.
His drinking and depression are taking you away from effectively parenting your child.
I think you have to choose right now - your husband or your child.
Unfortunately, you are unable to motivate him, because he has no reason to get well - he has you to fall back on.
My sister and I spent 20 years trying to help our mentally ill, alcoholic mother. Even after she hit rock bottom, she chose alcohol and she eventually died.
Being children of an alcoholic, we decided that our energy was better spent on our children.
It was a difficult decision, but we owed it to our kids.
We both feel very guilty that we left her, but it had to be done.
Your child has to be removed from this situation.
You don’t have to break up with him , you don’t have to leave the relationship, but he can’t live with you.
Continue to be supportive and let’s him have visitations, but if he chooses to die from this, I doubt you can stop him.
If you leave, he will either sober up or ..
you can try and demand that he goes to rehab for 4 months.
It is the only way he will be able to get through this - long inpatient rehab.
I am so sorry that this is so hard.
Hugs

This is why I suggested Al anon..... There's free meetings all over.... Just google it

It deals with codependency and enabling behaviour.... He's addicted to a substance and you're addicted to trying to rescue him and it will never work as Aronia wrote

He has to want the help..... He's presently committing a slow suicide

Maybe if he had a reason to stop he'd reach out for help but I doubt he'll stop doing what he's doing unless you stop doing what you're doing.... Let him fall .... Make him hit bottom by no longer tolerating this behaviour

There are some good episodes of Intervention on youtube that really show the dynamic of how toxic the relationship is

I know it's really painful..... Big hug......xo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Avom91TTi00

Co dependency

https://www.recoveryconnection.com/top-ten-indicators-suffer-codependency/

Enabling

https://www.verywellmind.com/enabling-alcoholic-is-not-helping-63297

These things often work hand in hand within a family sadly.....xo

I can relate almost exactly!!! My boyfriend has the same problems except it's even worse bc he refuses to get help. He went to therapy 3 times and quit. He becomes verbally abusive when he drinks, he lies, He makes up lies about me to friends he blames everyone for his actions and he neglects his 2 children so when they come here for a weekend, I am the parent and they spend more time with me than him. He'll say something purposely to make me mad and then when I get upset he calls me the "crazy" one. He'll tell everyone that I'm the alcoholic and that I start fights with him. He has also been physically abusive at times and ended up in jail back in December. I don't want to leave either bc for whatever reason I love him and he has been abandoned by people all his life so I'm trying hard to get through this bc I care and think about if I was him. My dad helps a lot and he listens to him. (His father died when he was 12) so my dad considers him his son and he cares about my dad. Its sad its only been 2 years in June and he has these issues. We should still be happy in our relationship. I know this isn't any advice I'm giving you but I just wanted you to know you're not alone

Clou82, I scheduled an emergency marriage counseling and am going to go with him to his 1 in 1 , he also refuses to go to a long term treatment, but he clearly needs to go. My husband has lost almost everyone, everyone has died, but I feel like he is taking it out on me because I do stay and I do feel sorry for him. I'm almost certain his identical twin brother (who hung himself 4 years ago) was a sociopath, so chances are my husband is too. And if he is then he is just using me. How long do I deal with his crap, when is the borderline physical abuse going to happen before he really hurts me... I pray that by going to professionals they will be able to see through the cheap and help.!

I do think that this will really effect your child ....So I hope that you will follow through with getting help

You need to stop enabling the behaviour if you want things to change

I grew up in an alcoholic household and kids have no choices

I don't know that a personality disorder can be diagnosed until he's clean of substances

In my opinion, being with him is putting YOU through your own slow suicide.

He will need to go to AA if he is to survive. I too am alcoholic and a member so I know it works. Unfortunately he will have to hit bottom inorder to get there and be willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. It took my ex partner leaving the household in order to call life as I knew quits. It was take a bullet or call for help.

Al-non will help you understand his/ family disease. They will be more than willing to help you but you have to make the call..

We do recover.

Sociopathy and alcoholism go hand in hand. I was diagnosed sociopathic. But sociopathic traits are fairly common in most people Iam told by my Therapist.

I am starting al anon. He is trying to go with but told him no... he says that when we first got married he said that he'd never quit drinking and then I didn't have much of a problem with ir, it wasn't until i found out I was pregnant,then my opinion started to change. Now he throws everything in my face as reasons to not stop, that he told me and I didn't care then. He brings up my past relationship and my mistakes before I was even with him. I told him I want to be with someone who doesn't drink/drug, lie or manipulate and he acts like I'm asking him to do something horrible. So he storms out and comes back drunk... now I'm just waiting for him to pass put. It's just absolute bullshit, now when my daughter wakes up, daddy won't be awake and happy to see her ( oh and that's another thing, he said that if he knew it was going to end up like this, that I should of just had an abortion) but now, he is going to be passed out on the couch AGAIN... ---SIGH---

Stand your ground, go to Alanon without him, obviously. You're looking for growth in your life, he wants to stagnate, that's why he's guilt-tripping you. You're smart and brave and awesome - remember that!