Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

9,961 Members
13,641 Posts
1 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Healthy Relationships Support Group

My bf of 8 years is leaving me and.....

freakchick3175
freakchick3175

 I am a complete mess.


I honestly don't know how I'm gonna live without him. He is my world. my heart my soul.. 


After he goes, I am completely alone in this nasty world. I don't have any friends cause I was so wrapped up in him for 8 years , and  the few people I did meet and try to befriend were shady conniving losers. The people around here are less than desirable. So I will end up doing the same thing  I been doing every day since he said he is leaving. I sit and work during the day and then at night i play solitaire on the computer listening to music alone and talking to myself. I am not handling this well at all. I can't stop crying, I've lost about 20 pounds or more. my blood pressure has been high every time its been tested.. I asked my dr for some klonipin and she told me no because of my drug history. I found some thank god. but I only have like 26. I have ptsd and every night I wake up 3 or 4 times during the night, crying sometimes, calling out for him,.. he always comes in and lays with me and holds me telling me its just a dream.. till i fall back asleep


What am i gonna do when I am calling for him in an empty apartment. He says he is leaving today. He doesn't seem to have a single feeling left. nothing. how is it possible to spend 8 years with someone and not feel a damn thing for them? I start to cry and he walks out of the room or leaves the house...


I dont really know why either. I know that he said I accused him to stuff too often. honestly I did accuse him a few times, but that was because of the way he was treating me,. or not treating me i should say.. He stopped touching me except every couple weeks, he didnt talk to me barely ever, i would come in the room and he would go into another one.. Of course I thought there might be someone else.. 


I can honestly say that I am so deep in love with him. I would take a bullet for him without thinking twice. I dont say that cause it sounds good, i say it cause I am confident that i would.


at this point, if i were on fire, not sure hed piss on me to put me out. 



I don't know how I am going to make it through this,. I am in tears as i type this. I go to sleep crying  i wake up crying, i cry through out the day.. I cant believe this is even happening,


I dont know what to do... 

lostsoul72
lostsoul72
I understand your pain and I am so sorry you have to go through this. It is very saddening dealing with a break up when you have that much time invested into a relationship. It will hurt for a long time, but you will heal and move on and more than likely be much happier in the end. I have been where you are and felt the things you feel. The whole world is crashing down and feeling unloved and not worthy. I made it through it by telling myself that everything happens for a reason and there is a golden lining to everything. It dose take time to find it, but there truly is a better life ahead. I wish I could take all your pain away. If you need to vent, talk, scream I am usually around to listen.

Big Hugs to you.
ezzy345
ezzy345
Sorry youre going thru this. It is never easy dealing with a breakup that you have so heavily invested in. I would suggest that you start figuring out your new life. Get involved with something to get out you out of the house and distract you from thinking all the time. Thinking too much can be your enemy. Been there done that. Find a real life support group or something in your area you can attend and get involved in your local church or community centre or a gym or something. Even if you just go out and walk around a shopping centre or something it will make you feel better. Exercise is good because it releases positive endorphins and will help your mood. It will take time but you will eventually not be so sad or lonely and will forge your own way in this life. Whatever you do do not get into a new relationship right away. Thats a whole lot of trouble you dont need and will only serve to complicate your life. Try to get enough sleep and eat properly too. It helps. I hope you can get through this difficult time as quickly and as easily as posible and I wish you some peace, if not now, eventually.
rmb
rmb
I'm sorry you're going through this. I think him still being there is probably not helping the situation; it's dragging out the pain.

I think you just have to take things one moment at a time. Healing from a break up after being with someone so long is a process. It's a lot like mourning a death. Give yourself time to heal, time to deal, time to put the pieces back together to build a life for yourself. And find support. Seeing a therapist may help you manage your feelings.

It's tough. I love my husband and would be devastated if things were to end. But I also know no matter what life brings, divorce, death, god knows what, I would be ok. Sad, hurt, afraid, confused, but ok. You need to know you can be ok. And you need to believe it.
OTM64
OTM64
Hi FreakChick, I am so sorry you are going thru this. Can you see a therapist like RMB mentioned?
Is your BF saying why he is leaving after so long?
Try to keep yourself busy. I know it is hard.
lotuslove
lotuslove
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I went through a very similar situation with my husband of 8 years, 6 years ago. Same pain, same longing, and feelings of helplessness. Everyone said, "It will get better", but it felt like it never would....My advice, and what helped me...Cut contact with him completely! Everything that reminds you of him, get rid of. For myself, I had to change my number, and move away, because I couldn't bear the constant reminders. Start your life again for YOU. Seek counseling and support groups. There are good people out there, not many it may seem, but they are there. Good luck to you. I will send positive vibes your way, and remember the body has a remarkable ability to heal itself.
freakchick3175
freakchick3175
I have been in counseling for a while. Hes leaving because Ive been insecure because he hasnt been treating me like a gf for a long time, and I accused him of cheating, said hes sick of it.. I cant just cut ties,. not till he moves out. and for reasons i cant get into god only knows when that will be. he has no where to go, and no money... another reason he wants to leave . i pay all the bills , he cleans and stuff , but he feels like less of a man, wants to be independant... i understand to a point what he is feeling, and i told him i will change the things i do wrong but need him to start showing me i am wanted and his gf again. I need affection , interaction, intimacy.. etc... he hasnt tried yet.. dont know what is going on, said he was leaving yesterday that hed live on the streets... but then brought in a drum set someone gave him.
I love him and he gave up a great deal to be with me, i wont let him live on the streets., not an option..
i have no plans on another relationship if he leaves. for a long time, if ever again..
LivingWater
LivingWater
I am a recovered CO-DEPENDENT. I was co-dependent to the point where I could not deal with rejection at all. I felt as you do--that you literally can't go on living if he leaves you. Often I felt suicidal. Once I DID attempt suicide. After that relationship ended, I had suffered so much pain it was the beginning of being CURED. Don't take a bullet for anybody, unless it's your mom or your child! Love yourself first, and recognize that "self-preservation is the first law of nature." I'm not saying become completely selfish--but you MUST have boundaries. Everybody will either die or leave. You are left with only YOU and GOD. Therefore, work on your relationship with God and yourself.
rmb
rmb
I think it's cruel that he says he's leaving but then doesn't. It's not fair that he leaves you twisting in the wind. He owes you honesty, even if it hurts. You are not responsible for him feeling like a man. That's his job.

I know you don't want him on the streets, but he also shouldn't leave you in limbo. That is all kinds of wrong.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you sweetie.... I'm sorry you're hurting so badly... It's wonderful that you're in therapy.... I think livingwater makes very valid and good points.. We all need to love ourselves first... Being needy or insecure often gets us what we fear... Once he's gone you can begin to heal even though it doesn't feel like that now... You deserve to feel good about you....xo
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I just wanted to add that language is so very important... " he is my world my heart my soul' isn't the truth even if you might be feeling that... He is a man who you've cared a great deal about and has hurt you
The way we 'talk' to ourselves matters... You deserve to feel good about you and be loved... Big hug... I think just working on getting you in a good place with your therapist will help a great deal....xo
Bubbabiker
Bubbabiker
I can't say anything that hasn't already been said so I'm sending you big hugs Sweetie.
freakchick3175
freakchick3175
Well we finally talked. He said i accuse him too much of sleeping with or having some kind of inapproprirate involvement with someone else andhe is tired of it. It has happened like 5 times in 8 years...and my reasons for being suspicious are valid. One of them being that we are rarely intimate anymore...he sits in one room and me in another most of the time not talking. Stuff like that. And i ask too many questions ..like where he is going when he leaves...sometimes...
Its partially his culture..he was raised the woman stays home cook cleans and has kids ..men do what tthey want and arent questioned about it.
So i told him i would stop being up his ass cus in my heart i know he isnt doing anything wrong
But that he needs to start treating me like a gf again. To show me im wanted and loved.
So we said we would try to work on it...yet here i am in my bedroom..him in the livingroom.
I know its not gonna happen over. Night but if we are gonna fix it we need to start sooner than later
freakchick3175
freakchick3175
lol, update, my therapist, was telling me to stop, that i was pushing him away by falsely accusing him of being a piece of shit cheating, the truth is, i am so fucking amazingly lucky that pig is gone, i found out, from his brother, he lied about losing his green card for me, i supported the piece of shit for 9 years, and endured horrendous abuse *(mentally and emotionally ) for so long, i became psychically ill, had thrush, from stress, lips peeling , i was literally just dying a slow death, he was cheating the whol e relationship, found ads in his craigslist acct, him and some whores at hotels drinking and smoking weed ( we did neither) he was pimping the pigs out for meth, i wish i would have known this shit, but , ya believe and hope for love so much and ur doped out on drugs too, , blind and dead inside, numb.. ID have booted his ass year one, and never looked back, hes in his third world country hopefully starving and shoeless.. his sister is in prison for life she killed 2 people on a motorcycle, she was a lawyer, the sick part, 2 videos, of the accident, him and his sis, standing next to her truck, guy n his daughter dead, uncovered, they are just chillin, like its a n ormal day, sick fucks. and then oct 5, first time in 25 yrs, 4 hurricaines hit managua nicaragua, devastated his country, God works in myserious ways, i was guilted into staying and supporting his filthy ass , cus i believed he lost his green card,/life for me,
and me, i thank god every day, that it went down the way it did, had i known a year ago what i know now, I would seriously yes, never thought i could say this, serve multiple life sentences ,.. trail of bodies in my path
deserving this of course, i would NEVER imagine hurting anyone, but what I have been through, it is absolutely deserved.; but, too easy.... to let them die,. .
then what suffering could be inflicted ya know?
i am grateful i didnt spend my life, in its entirety suffering.
now i am single, and relocated, nice car, nice apartment, and i am still the same beautiful person i have always been, but people here, smile and speak to each other lol. love it :)
freakchick3175
freakchick3175
oh and the kicker, lol the bitch he knocked up in my bed, while i was in therapy sessions, gave birth to the child he desperately wanted, i was unable to give him , it got taken ,meth baby--- WOW.....

not like i didnt tell his brother it was gonna happen months before anyway
must be psychic.
Skywalker46
Skywalker46
Hello freakchick3175,

I just read through your entire story and it is unbelievable what you have gone through. It's amazing to hear that your story ended well and that you were able to escape the toxic relationship. It is also great to hear that you are doing well now. After going through something like that I don't know how many people would be able to recover and go back to living a happy life. I know that you will be able to find someone who will truly make you happy, someone who understands the kind of person you truly are.

Regards,

Skywalker
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • Sunshinegirl0228

    I have mono

    Posted by: Sunshinegirl0228
    Last Reply: Sunshinegirl0228
    5
    Which explains the mysterious fevers and my extra fatigue. I'm so glad I pushed for answers. 
  • Sunshinegirl0228

    Zyprexa

    Posted by: Sunshinegirl0228
    Last Reply: Sunshinegirl0228
    4
    Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.