I am a complete mess.
I honestly don't know how I'm gonna live without him. He is my world. my heart my soul..
After he goes, I am completely alone in this nasty world. I don't have any friends cause I was so wrapped up in him for 8 years , and the few people I did meet and try to befriend were shady conniving losers. The people around here are less than desirable. So I will end up doing the same thing I been doing every day since he said he is leaving. I sit and work during the day and then at night i play solitaire on the computer listening to music alone and talking to myself. I am not handling this well at all. I can't stop crying, I've lost about 20 pounds or more. my blood pressure has been high every time its been tested.. I asked my dr for some klonipin and she told me no because of my drug history. I found some thank god. but I only have like 26. I have ptsd and every night I wake up 3 or 4 times during the night, crying sometimes, calling out for him,.. he always comes in and lays with me and holds me telling me its just a dream.. till i fall back asleep
What am i gonna do when I am calling for him in an empty apartment. He says he is leaving today. He doesn't seem to have a single feeling left. nothing. how is it possible to spend 8 years with someone and not feel a damn thing for them? I start to cry and he walks out of the room or leaves the house...
I dont really know why either. I know that he said I accused him to stuff too often. honestly I did accuse him a few times, but that was because of the way he was treating me,. or not treating me i should say.. He stopped touching me except every couple weeks, he didnt talk to me barely ever, i would come in the room and he would go into another one.. Of course I thought there might be someone else..
I can honestly say that I am so deep in love with him. I would take a bullet for him without thinking twice. I dont say that cause it sounds good, i say it cause I am confident that i would.
at this point, if i were on fire, not sure hed piss on me to put me out.
I don't know how I am going to make it through this,. I am in tears as i type this. I go to sleep crying i wake up crying, i cry through out the day.. I cant believe this is even happening,
I dont know what to do...
He's left. I'm just wondering if i upset him with my reply. I cant do anything now if i did except say "I'm sorry if i upset you" and hope he sees it here. I was the last person to reply to him yesterday and today he's gone. It couldnt have been all me tho can it? Normally when your strugling with stuff going on its lots of things. Can some of you read what i said and give me your thoughts so i...