Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I met this man 3 months ago (after being single for 2 years) and he's perfect except for one thing: he is so cheap with me. He knows he makes more money than I do and he still expects that I at least go in on half of everything with him. In the beginning I even told him that a cheap man is my biggest pet peeve bc I'm a very generous person, especially when I am capable financially and otherwise. It wouldn't bother me so much except that he knows my financial situation. I have a ton of student loans and I don't make a lot of money..I mean these past few months of dating him has totally knocked down my savings account. The thing that annoys me the most (to top it off) is that he promises things but doesn't deliver. He invited me on a trip to Miami, offered to pay for half of my plane ticket but then when it came to buying a ticket he didn't say a thing so I just bought it because I'd love to go on a trip with him. Also, I'm not one to ask for things I have too much pride which is another reason why I need to be with someone who is naturally a generous person, I like to be pampered but I don't like to ask for it - then again, in my current situation trust me, I'm not even close to being pampered. I guess I just don't know how to approach him without making it sound like "if you want to date me then you need to pay for almost everything"..because that's not what Im saying but I'd really like him to remove this expectation that he's created in his brain that I will be footing the bill so often - I just cannot afford it. This has become even more of a problem for me bc it's gotten to the point where he has started asking me to buy things..he says it in a joking fashion but I know he's serious. It's just bothersome because he has not gone much out of his way to buy me anything besides a few flowers and some dinners. My ex bought every single one of our dinners without any complaint or expectation of otherwise.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. I don't want to necessarily end the relationship but I need things to change and I dont even know where to even begin to have this type of conversation with him....especially bc he has no idea i feel this way.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. I don't want to necessarily end the relationship but I need things to change and I dont even know where to even begin to have this type of conversation with him....especially bc he has no idea i feel this way.
I suppose I have a lot to think about it! At the end of the day, it's more than him being cheap..it's little bits of his true character starting to manifest. Just disappointing more than anything.
Thanks for your support :).
I would start by talking with him about your money situation and let him know that you can't do as many expensive things for a while. If he seems understanding, then fine. But I would definitely be completely honest with him. If he says he is going to help out with something, then he needs to remember to help out (and you should speak up if he isn't following through on promises).
Money is a tricky thing in relationships and it seems like everyone has a different way to handle it. My boyfriend and i split everything right down the middle because that is the way we prefer it. We do splurge on each other though for birthdays and other special events though.
If he truly cares and wants a serious relationship with you he will listen and be willing to make some changes and compromises that you both can feel comfortable with. To me a partner respects and supports your decisions and at times be willing to give you advice and options to consider to help make things better. They also have to deal with the realty of the situation. You have to be strong as well in setting up boundaries as well. Don't be afraid to say no when there are times you simply can't afford something at the time.
If he wants to treat you to something that is fine and same with you. Just make sure you are doing because you truly want his companionship and can afford it. Same with him. I find that most things can be worked out if there are good listening and communicating skills between two people. No mocking or keeping things inside as that does nothing but build up like a mad snowball.
Anyway I hope this helps a bit and you both can have a good talk and work things out. Wishing you the very best:)
This is how the rich stay rich. They're cheap and frugal with their money; NOT cheap and frugal with YOUR money!
I'd cast this fancy fish who fancies himself more than you back into the sea.
3 months is not a very long time ~ at all. There are all kinds of people out there including con artists who have been making their way through caring, vulnerable, generous women's bank accounts for decades.
Since 'money' is showing itself to be the Universes 'red flag' to you,......you have a huge responsibility to yourself to listen. There is no way you can really know someone in 3 months, and what you are seeing is just the tip of the ice berg.
I humbly suggest that you Slow this Horsie way, way down, set your boundaries and stick by them. Take some time to observe how he handles your pulling back the monetary donations. You'll soon see all you need to know, hon.
All the best, Sister