Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hi all,
Just wanted thoughts/feedback on not going to mil's Thanksgiving. There is a lot of past emotional abuse from her towards me and our son, who's 6. She is not abusive towards our daughter, who's almost 10. My husband is attached to his mother, and we can only discuss anything involving my mil with a counselor. Even then, he's very defensive which does little to no good. I've learned to avoid her and when she invites our daughter over it's preset that my husband accompanies her to avoid my mil's manipulations and pressure to do things my daughter knows aren't ok. Our daughter has mild autism and severe sensory processing disorder. Our son isn't invited as he confronts my mil (mom and dad say that's not ok or you need to ask mom/dad not me) making her mad. I would like to skip Thanksgiving for my emotional protection. Also, dealing with her always causes issues between hubby and myself after when we get home. As is, he's stomping around ticked off because I asked when his mom planned to do her Thanksgiving dinner so I could plan ahead. He's not like that in any other matter not involving mil. Thoughts? We will be doing Christmas at her house too, and plan to attend that.
A little background is my mil has been divorced almost 4 years. My fil suffers from sex addiction, and my husband has always taken care of his mother since about 10 years old. Our counselor calls it "the little husband" syndrome. There's 4 children in my husband's family. His brother divorced his first wife after 15 years of marriage. There were many issues with first wife and mil. He remarried 4 1/2 years ago and protects his wife when she does come never leaving her alone. His wife comes once every other Christmas and they live about 4 hours away. My husband has 2 younger sisters. One rarely comes to family holidays anymore, if she does its brief, and they schedule their family vacation over Christmas to avoid the holiday (she's admitted this). The youngest is very attached to mom as well mainly because of the great financial support she gives her. All others are financially independent of mom and none are very close with dad. We see my fil 2x a year.
So, bottom line question...feelings on skipping mil's Thanksgiving but allowing hubby to go with kids to it.
Just wanted thoughts/feedback on not going to mil's Thanksgiving. There is a lot of past emotional abuse from her towards me and our son, who's 6. She is not abusive towards our daughter, who's almost 10. My husband is attached to his mother, and we can only discuss anything involving my mil with a counselor. Even then, he's very defensive which does little to no good. I've learned to avoid her and when she invites our daughter over it's preset that my husband accompanies her to avoid my mil's manipulations and pressure to do things my daughter knows aren't ok. Our daughter has mild autism and severe sensory processing disorder. Our son isn't invited as he confronts my mil (mom and dad say that's not ok or you need to ask mom/dad not me) making her mad. I would like to skip Thanksgiving for my emotional protection. Also, dealing with her always causes issues between hubby and myself after when we get home. As is, he's stomping around ticked off because I asked when his mom planned to do her Thanksgiving dinner so I could plan ahead. He's not like that in any other matter not involving mil. Thoughts? We will be doing Christmas at her house too, and plan to attend that.
A little background is my mil has been divorced almost 4 years. My fil suffers from sex addiction, and my husband has always taken care of his mother since about 10 years old. Our counselor calls it "the little husband" syndrome. There's 4 children in my husband's family. His brother divorced his first wife after 15 years of marriage. There were many issues with first wife and mil. He remarried 4 1/2 years ago and protects his wife when she does come never leaving her alone. His wife comes once every other Christmas and they live about 4 hours away. My husband has 2 younger sisters. One rarely comes to family holidays anymore, if she does its brief, and they schedule their family vacation over Christmas to avoid the holiday (she's admitted this). The youngest is very attached to mom as well mainly because of the great financial support she gives her. All others are financially independent of mom and none are very close with dad. We see my fil 2x a year.
So, bottom line question...feelings on skipping mil's Thanksgiving but allowing hubby to go with kids to it.
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Do you think having anxiety could lead into depression? What are your thoughts?
If that is the situation there is NO Way I'd stay home. I would go to dinner if for no other reason then to protect your kids from this lady's crazy ways!
I hope you always make sure to talk about the Grandmother's comments and actions to your children so they know that the world is full of different people and Grandma has her own ideas about life but that in no way makes what she is saying "right" or "true"
Good learning opportunity!
You can teach them that people are complex and that Grandma has good points and bad points and her opinions are not your opinions.
Good time to start teaching your Son not to take things personally.
Grandma's favoritism has nothing to do with him. She must have some issues that make her feel more inclined to spoil his sister.
Again... Good learning tool.
You could teach lessons on how she is their Father's Mother and though she is not perfect and she is difficult to be around, they should feel pity towards her rather then anger!
This world is full of crazy people. If we can handle them with grace, we are ahead of the game.