I have a girlfriend that i have been on and off with for the past 3 years because of her addictions and relapses. I am no saint either I have had a relaspe or two since we have both gotten clean around the same time we both got together and called ourselves a couple for the first time. 

     My origional sober date from meth and herion among other things is Oct. 8th 2014. So a few years before that I met her and she was clean and sober and set an amazing example for me and gave me a reason to change my life. she was the first person in my life that was well put together and clear minded, sober on correct medication and doing alot of out pateint therapy. she was a role model for me in a way and she was in such a healthy state of mind at the time that she even told me that if I was high or using I couldnt be around her. this was the first time anyone had ever said this to me. it almost hurt in a way but it was also a wake up call and to this day i still thank her for that. she was on a speciality court at the time and was doing so good. I started going to meetings so that I could see what the scene was about and I also had just gotten out of court a while back and was sentenced to do alot of different recovery and out patient rehab classes meetings and groups. anway, I started dating her not to much longer after I got clean. and that was like 7 or 8 years ago and since then I have relapsed 3 times. and the last time I relapsed 3 years ago I sought out help on my own and got myself into treatment since I had been through it before and had turned my life completly around before i had the tools to seek out help. thank god. anyway while we have been together we have relapse together 2 times and she has relapsed 6 or 7 times. and continues to do it when the last relapse i have had was three years ago...I never thought it would be this hard to make it work between two recoevering addicts... because when we are clean and doing good and vibing and flowing together we do so many amaizing things together, we have had an apartment together and from there a house. after that was our first and second relapse and that was ultimately how we lost our house together. the fighting and using ruined the home we had created together it seemed that there was no going back after that time but we eventually got back together and and then like the post's title says I feel like we started an unhealthy merry go round relapse game in our relationship. 

lately we have been fighting and so she runs off and relapses and says it is because she is triggered and stressed from our fight so i feel blamed in a way and feel guilty it gets so that when i want to offer and idea or opinion i get shut down or i shut down myself instead of fighting because i want to prevent any fighting and any relapses on her side or my side although like i mentioned I have been clean for 3 years. so agiain when I say merry go round it also means that we break up alot like i push her away and then we get back together...i cant take it anymore but i feel so attached to her and so comfortable with her we know each other so well. i just want to have what we had when we were doing good together. I wish everyday that we were like that... I know I have alot to do with why we fight and what happens in our relationship is always half my responsibility because it takes 2 people to have a relationship...