The notion of there being a "man of my dreams" is the reason I'm no longer married. I'd like to be very much awake when I answer this question.

I seen this question asked on Ds a million times and was never quite impressed with the list people would give. Most lists consist of a list of adjective(?)/adverbs(?)/pronouns(?)...I don't know.

I've been working on my answer to this question for some time now. At first I felt foolish because I didn't have an answer. Now, my answer becoming more defined and specific. This way when I get on my knees to pray to God for a life mate I want to be as specific as possible.

One thing on the list is:

He has to know, show and express love. He needs to have examples in his life that he is a loving person. I will no longer accept a persons actions as their expressions of love or even expressions of caring for that matter. He should be adult enough to express what he feels or if he feels anything at all.

That is so good JacJac, I would definately agree with you on that one. I also want communication.. I dont care if it's not what I want to hear, I want to know what he really thinks. I want someone who is honest. I realize the older I get the more I want specific qualities, their core is what matters, everything else changes with time, the true person or core always stays the same. If we have matching cores then everything else becomes trivial to me...

Trust is a big thing for me,
honesty,
hugs when i need it, tissues at the ready,
understanding,
patience,
open up to me, i want to know how you feel,

So what do you look for mystery man?

somebody that is honest, funny, is positive, not Self Centered,loving

I want tall, muscular, ridiculously handsome, rich beyond belief, brilliant, the life of the party...

...you said dreams right...lol.

I love your answer JacJac. Keep working on it.

In the real world...I don't know what I want. Hopefully I'll know when I find him and I'll be the same for him.

I hope you guys don't mind that I keep this thread active as it helps me further my my goal of actually having an answer to this question. It keeps me thinking and I like it.


Another attribute I need in a mate is:

I need him to not have a history of violence against women or children. I understand guys getting into scuffles from time to time with one another and I have to admit I like the idea that my man would be willing to stand up to another man. If he is willing to defend and protect himself I take it as a sign that he would be willing to stand up and protect his family. But violence against women is not something I am willing to excuse. They say if a man hits you once he will hit you again. But I've learned (the hard way) is if a man will hit any woman he will hit you.

I also need to know and understand how he feels about being a father, about being a parent. What kind of parent does he want to be? How does he want his kids to feel about him, about life? What does he think a family is? How does he think a family should be structured? Once you marry a person it's too late to figure out that he feels women should be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen.

Thanks Texasreb, for the encouragement.
Thanks Mystery for posting this.

Good points about parenthood and violence, JJ

I'm not a parent and cannot be one. My guy would have to be okay with that. If he is a father...I expect him to be a good one, regardless of the fact that the offspring are his and not mine.

I'll take it one step further on the abuse/violence topic....he cannot have a history of abuse (in all of it's forms) towards any other person. Standing up for himself/family is not abuse.

Keep going JJ--I'm planning on stealing your answer when you get to it!

Your welcome, Jac jac I have allways just settled for who ever gave me attention so I have just trying to figure out what I want

I also have a terrible habit of taking what others give me. I guess I feel it's how I get to know who they really are. But now I realize that in accepting this they don't get to know who I really am.

I have such a terrible habit of making people into super-heros and incredible people. I'm taking my time, learning me and setting boundaries. Only through knowing myself can I teach others about me.

I'm not in a hurry to enter into another relationship. Don't get me wrong I get lonely but I just don't miss putting all of my eneryg and thought power into someone else, right now. I enjoy sleeping in the middle of my bed and having my self esteme in tact. I know someone will find me soon I simply want to be ready. Yes, I'm overly cautious but I feel I have good reasons to be.

Nothing wrong with that I only wish it wouldn't taken me 35 years to figure it out but its all good

Join he club MM. I'll be 35 in a month and I simply love 34 because I learned so much. Everything just started finally coming together.

They must be breathing.

Ugh...you rookies...I'm 45 and still trying it figure it all out!!

(I'm really happy for you...that you figured it out while still in your 30's)

I really don't have a "dream woman" anymore. About 12 years ago I had a fairly specific vision of what I liked and what I wanted in a partner. Then I met a woman who really knocked my socks off -- and she was nothing like my "dream woman". I ended up dating her and she became my girlfriend for a couple years.

I always have a general sense of what I'm attracted to physically and find one personality trait or another desirable but it changes with time. That's fine because since I met that woman 12 years ago I've learned to keep my mind open.

I tend to agree with what GoldfishCM said, but in my case I tend to not really have a "dream man". I too look for qualities I like but have learned that the element of surprise can be something exciting and rewarding.

For myself I know quite well what I don't like and won't put up with however as time goes by and I get introduced to new things from the men I meet, I learn more about other things I never considered liking.