I think I'm addicted to a fantasy. The fantasy that he can understand me. The fantasy that he is the end to all my pain. The fantasy that he will help me love again. I'm addicted to his eyes, his face, his skin, the way I feel when he is within. I'm addicted to the way I think he makes me feel but quite honestly none of it is real. I have come to a cross roads. One initiated by him and I am starting to feel like its either sink or swim. Why is it that my heart would rather wallow, would rather let the sea of emotion take me away with me fighting for survival each and every day. Why cant I pull myself up out of this sea of unhappiness and misery. He is not the problem, the problem lies within me. He has chosen to walk out of my life. I have to get it together and do what's right. I have to stand strong in my love, stand strong and face the pain. Shout to the heavens that they must stop the rain. There is no reason to hold on. There is no reason to stay. This is the end of this shit, it must end today. I have to muster up my strength, stand tall and let out a shout. "I'm a muthafucking gladiator and I will fight my way out."