Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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rlb79 09/17/2013

I'm really struggling with my situtation today. I just found out two days ago that my "partner" has been lying and unfaithful. His initial reaction when confronted was to scream and yell at me and then hang up the phone. We haven't spoken directly to eachother since then. He has attempted to send me messages, and he goes back and forth between being nice and being really rude/cold. I have not been responding. I feel some sort of weird guilt because I'm ignoring him. Is that normal? I feel like it's rude that I'm just leaving him hanging. Should I say something? I don't know what to say? What if he just stops talking to me all together? He has not apologized and he won't. I think he just wants to act like nothing happened. But how am I supposed to do that? I feel I deserve an apology and some answers. I know I won't get either one.....is it too hard for him to admit his wrong doing? I don't understand. I feel lonely and completely disregarded with no answers. I wish I could cry....but I can't. my stomach is in knots and it feels like someone kicked me in the stomach, yet emotions are unable to flow. Nothing is coming out, there's a "numbness" that I feel. Is it shock? I cried at first, and a little yesterday. But today I feel like I have a 20 pound rock sitting in my stomach and I feel like I'm in a dream.....I don't know what to do or what to say.

My original post is here: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Healthy_Relationships/forum/17264383-need-support-o

scarletjaded 09/17/2013

Seems like you're pretty clear about what you want on here, but you haven't said anything to him. If you want to try to work through things,I think you need to let him know what it is that you want or need from him, and tell him not to contact you until he is ready to do that. If you don't want to bother working it out, then just tell him not to contact you anymore, and move on. Yes, an apology should be standard in this situation, but you can't expect him to read your mind and know exactly what you need, either.

One other thing to consider, he said he and his ex were fighing on Friday. Is it possible she wants him back, he said no, and now she is misleading you in an attempt to make waves I'm your relationship, so she can move in closer to your partner?

I don't know what the whole story is, but one way or another the ex wants you out of the picture if she bothered telling you anything, true or not.

rlb79 09/17/2013

That is a good point. I guess I should maybe try to have a conversation with him. However, I saw the emails between the two of them. And, in my opinion he shouldn't be fighting or talking to his ex at all. It shouldn't get to the point of an argument because he shouldn't be entertaining a conversation with her to the point of an argument. So clearly there was some inappropriate communication and involvement on his part. Apology for wrong doing shouldn't be something I have to request but I guess everyone is different. I figure if you hurt someone that you care for, it's common sense to apologize and try to make it right somehow, but maybe he doesn't see it that way. I will continue to mull over my feelings and figure out whether or not I should continue.

koolman 09/17/2013

Fuck that. This is why I prefer being alone to being in a relationship like that. You have my condolences.

rlb79 09/18/2013

@kool man, I have to admit - I laughed when I read your response because it sounds like something I would say LOL Usually when I'm not in this weak pansy mode with hurt feelings and curled up in a ball crying, I have a "f*ck that" attitude. I guess I need to get these tears out first, and then I'll move into that phase.....ugghhhh I hate this part. I just want to move into the anger stage already LOL.....

deleted_user 09/20/2013

Check out the Infidelity board on DS.

deleted_user 09/20/2013

@koolman - I agree! ugh, hearing about relationships and all their problems makes me tired and glad I'm not dealing with that mess.

stillbitterjaded 09/22/2013

My line for this is to cry until you're done.

You just might not be done yet....and that's okay.

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