Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hiya everyone. I'm having an issue as of late with trying to find a relationship, and I'm curious if any of you have any words of wisdom for me. I've signed up on a few dating websites, looking to find a friend that will lead to something more. What I've found though, is that people on dating websites seem to be a bit harsher or even more judgmental then what I'm used to.
The major issue that I'm finding is that I'm disabled. Conversations with new people seem to go good once I get over my initial timidness, until they ask what I do for work. The moment I tell them that I'm disabled and don't work, they "have to go...(Insert whatever excuse you want here)", and I never hear from them again. Most of them block me, or disappear so I can't talk to them again, and it has been a very very frustrating experience for me.
Me being disabled is just what my life has thrown me. I don't see why being disabled is such a horrible thing for girls. I'm a bit lost on how to compensate for it, aside from lying, which I won't do. I feel starting a friendship/relationship out on a white lie will only implode it when it is found out, which with me, isn't something I can hide for long.
And to clarify, my disability isn't something that is seen. I have an auto-immune disorder that makes me weak and tired, but I do what I can to function as normal as I can make my body. There isn't much I can do to improve it as medication has yet to help me, but that doesn't mean I still don't try. For me, my Myasthenia Gravis is apart of me, but I refuse to let it define me as a person. I still am quite capable most days to do stuff, and with modification to my resting times and activity levels, I am surprised how well I actually do.
I find that I don't get to explain any of this before they bolt, which kind of sucks. No one is willing to give me a chance, and that is what I find frustrating. So what would you guys recommend I do here? I want to put myself back out there, and would love to find someone special to be in my life again, but at the rate I'm going, I'm going to be an old lonely man with a cat or something.
The major issue that I'm finding is that I'm disabled. Conversations with new people seem to go good once I get over my initial timidness, until they ask what I do for work. The moment I tell them that I'm disabled and don't work, they "have to go...(Insert whatever excuse you want here)", and I never hear from them again. Most of them block me, or disappear so I can't talk to them again, and it has been a very very frustrating experience for me.
Me being disabled is just what my life has thrown me. I don't see why being disabled is such a horrible thing for girls. I'm a bit lost on how to compensate for it, aside from lying, which I won't do. I feel starting a friendship/relationship out on a white lie will only implode it when it is found out, which with me, isn't something I can hide for long.
And to clarify, my disability isn't something that is seen. I have an auto-immune disorder that makes me weak and tired, but I do what I can to function as normal as I can make my body. There isn't much I can do to improve it as medication has yet to help me, but that doesn't mean I still don't try. For me, my Myasthenia Gravis is apart of me, but I refuse to let it define me as a person. I still am quite capable most days to do stuff, and with modification to my resting times and activity levels, I am surprised how well I actually do.
I find that I don't get to explain any of this before they bolt, which kind of sucks. No one is willing to give me a chance, and that is what I find frustrating. So what would you guys recommend I do here? I want to put myself back out there, and would love to find someone special to be in my life again, but at the rate I'm going, I'm going to be an old lonely man with a cat or something.
...try explaining your disability first, than saying you are on unemployment because of it. When they ask what you do for work.
Some people have a negative association that people on disability are jus lazy and trying to milk money from thr goverment, which is probably why a lot of the girls you are talking to bolt. In your situation it sounds quite necesary for you to be on disability though.
I also am a little against online dating in general. I feel like most people do better just living their lives, getting out of the house, and looking at the people around them and striking up conversations with whoever they find interesting. First impressions are important, and often lost or skewed with online dating. Good luck!
I do think there are dating sites for disabled people...google it and see what you come up with.
Keep trying.... i know its hard but I just know with your great personality and determination to beat all odds there is a very special lady that will come into your life! Be picky and selective you deserve the best.
Well, people on dating sites have in mind what their preferences are. You have to look at this differently. If you were a smoker and was looking for relationship with a non smoker then the non smoker most likely would not date you because they are looking for someone who takes their health seriously and doesn't smoke. Also, you say you don't work which is another problem. Some women are looking to do some things that take money. Things like travel, dining out and concerts. If neither of you are able to pay your way then she is back where she started.....doing those things alone or with a girlfriend.
I'm just pointing this things out because like I said, on dating sites people are generally looking for specific things and some things are deal breakers. You have to develop a thick skin and not take the rejection personally. Easier said than done I know. They are not rejecting you because in reality, they don't know you.
I met my current sweetheart on a dating site and we have been together 18 months. He is also considered disabled. But he is allowed to work as long he brings in under a certain amount. I love to travel and do things. I pay my way and he pays his. It works out for us.
I'll definitely do a google search and see if I can find anything that caters to dating with disabilities. Maybe I'll have some better luck there. I do my best to not let it effect me, because it is their loss, but it is a bit demoralizing when you feel like your not worth the time because something is wrong with you.
What makes me chuckle though, not one asked what my disability was. It is kind of funny that people are this way, at least to me, but I don't really know better as this dating stuff is a first for me. You might be right scarlet, and I think I'm going to need to work up the courage to approach people. I'm pretty shy and a little introverted when it comes to social interaction with strangers, but I think that is something I can definitely overcome.
Yeah the thing wih online dating sites is that people approach them with a checklist, and if a person doesnt fit into their checklist people just move on without getting to know ther person. To me, personality and character are way more important than is he smoker/no smoker, does he attend a specific church, what level of education does he have, ect. But online dating doesn't foster that sort of approach.
Anyway, not to hijack your discussion, Tesinato, I agree with the others that there must be websites for those with disabilities. Lots of people with disabilities are in relationships. I'm not an expert in how to meet people, but I met my husband in the jacuzzi at my health club. I was having back problems and he had some in the past so he knew what was involved and he was very understanding. I know it's frustrating, but meeting people is frustrating for anyone, especially meeting someone nice. You want someone who cares for the real person inside - someone who's nice to talk to, a good listener, shares some common interests, and will be there for you no matter what. There's someone out there who wants and needs someone nice like you.
Being on disability is a source of income, just like someday we will all be on social security as a source of income. Every couple needs to find a way to make an income whether it's disability or a paying job or whatever it may be. So when you meet that special lady the two of you will work out how you will find enough income to make a life together. It's another way to join your lives together and care for each other.