Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hi! I am 30 and a female grad student. I have been battling with intimacy and pressure to get into relationships. Intimacy is what I lack because of being raised in a single-parent household with no father. My father also recently died (problem 1). My mother and grandmother have never experienced real intimacy with the men they pursued and broken marriages along the way. I have never seen a healthy romantic and intimate relationship with either of the women in my family. I am being pressured to seek outside of my culture, religion, and customs by college girlfriends to marry. It would only fill the void. I am told, I am not getting any younger. Every time, I speak with one of them it has you met someone yet or who are you bringing as your (Plus 1). I would love to give a different answer other than "Me." They look at me with pitiful stares and shake their heads because we would always talk about our dream weddings, marriages, and living close-by so that our children would grow up together and our husbands being best friends watching sports and golf. I deviated from the plan to graduate school, I went while they turned their names from Ms. to Mrs. and mine will soon be Ph.D. in a few years (fingers crossed). I long for a relationship but it's exhausting at the same time. It's the Netflix and Chill mode that solidifies as dating or other. I just don't know, I guess I always pictured meeting my future husband at school. Instead, I am surrounded by men who are married in other departments that question my marital status or there is disdain for a woman with a brain psychological studies rather than STEM research. It's just overwhelmingly exhausting and if I were to pursue my traditional values along with my religion. I would be subjected to an arranged marriage which requires a dowry and application process for match-making to determine whether I am worthy of him or not. Scary but true. I just want to know when do you know the love of your life exist, because I have endless novels and movies that have been selling me a pipe-dream for years. I want my happily ever after but what if it doesn't exist will it ever happen.
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Lately I've been feeling scared and full of anxiety. I recently found a lump under my nipple. I hurt my back too. I'm in the process of moving. I'm run down. Everything is hard
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
Lol I remember when my mind would race as yours is doing, It is so cute!
I will tell you to tell your friends and any religious family traditions to give you 10 ft please,
The craziest realization is when you wake up to the fact that the perspective
that you are viewing yourself and others is THEIR reality, It is an illusion
simply because your intuition rebels against it,
Simple- it has not happened because you are s-t-r-e-s-s-i-n-g,
When you are comfortable living in your OWN reality which allows you to
respond,relax,be comfortable right now with where and how you are right
now- then you will manifest it because you will be in Alignment ; ) <3
Be happy and self loving and nurturing every moment right now from this moment,,,,,,,,,, bask in this love this and enjoy it is rightly so and if you do
not have friends that are confident enough to truthfully acknowledge this
then I will tell you that this world is full of potential for friends, future spouses
all waiting to fall at your feet when you align with this confident thinking
until then........
Love, Light, Peace Joy, right now
For what it's worth:
I hold the industrial world's exorbitant divorce rate as evidence that "Happily Ever After" is a chick flick myth that, at best, creates Bridezillas and broken families. The more extravagant the wedding, the more disastrous the divorce.
Congrats on being so near to your doctorate degree. It strikes me as a wonderful focus for your energy while you wait to see if the mysteries of love are destined to unfold in your personal life.
And I second the notion that good loving takes time to learn. Good relationships are made, not found. My hubby and I are coming up on our 39th anniversary and we may need another 39 years to master the art of love. Practice, practice, practice.
You just gotta move out of your social circles a bit branch out to more like minded people. I remember feeling so pittied by my friends for not being with someone seriously, always being the third or fitfth wheel. When I look back I think I was just simply outgrowing my circle of friends because I just had other ideas about my happiness. I started traveling a lot and doing more things on my own. That really gave me space to get clear on was I happy, truly happy, independent of a relationship? The answer a hard YES. Asking myself that and answering truthfully was a game changer. I pretty much just lived my life on my terms and left my friends in the dust. Not in a mean way but really in what I think just naturally happens when you feel like you have other things in mind when it comes to normalcy and feeling whole.
Don’t EVER feel like you are a problem or there is something wrong. Everyone’s life is their own. Period.
Happily ever after is just being content and happy regardless of who you meet. And I did eventually meet someone and marry but honestly if it hadn’t happened I’d be a-okay because my life has been freakin’ awesome.
When you are accepting of yourself and don't hold on to guilt or self pity, those are the kind of people others want to be around, those are the kind of people who can have the mate of their choice! Those are the kind of people who, when they open a door to walk into a dark room, there is no need to turn on a light because their smile lights up the whole room!
Try not to focus on what you don't have. Focus on what you have and what you don't have will come into your life when you least expect it.
God Bless
I don’t know if you pray or not, but if you do, I would suggest it. I prayed scripture over my life daily regarding marriage. The years passed by, but one thing I know is that God said His Word never fails when applied in faith. Don’t get discouraged; don’t give up! Enjoy this time as you have personal successes and expect God to bless you with a husband. I am living proof it happens.