Healthy Relationships Support Group
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This is a question regarding just a friend. We have been friends since junior high (we are about 30 now). Growing up we always got mistaken for each other and were active in sports. Her family made everything a competition and felt they had to be better. I could always sense slight jealousy or negative emotion when I would do better than their daughter at all of our sports. I never saw it as a competition until we graduated. I was always big into the outdoors and when she saw how healthy I became she suddenly began, what I foresaw, was my shadow. Our friendship was alway long distance, but I soon saw her social media posts and hobbies trending mine at a steady pace. I love inspiring and motivating ppl but I feel at some point I like my individuality. I then started feeling a competition to almost keep my individuality & I feel our friendship started giving me anxiety. She always had to see who's was better. I also feel like I have a hard time opening up because she is very judgemental. I tried a couple times but immediately am reminded why i didnt. I don't know if she is aware of how she comes off? We recently went on our normal "lost touch" phase after I left from an extended stay and filled her in completely about my health problem thinking it would help break the barrier. It didn't. Instead of checking up on me like a true friend, we go out of contact for months. She calls only to brag and gets super demanding about me accepting her follow request on Instagram. She added me a few months ago but I never accepted b/c I didn't want the anxiety of what she did on Facebook (she doesn't have Facebook anymore thankfully). She texted me a couple days later again getting super insistant about me following her so she could follow me. I jokingly, but seriously, said Why can't we be friends in real life first? I mean not a picture or anything in months then when I start feeling better and am able to get out and about again and I'm sure mutual friends have told her of my photos she is getting nosy while wanting to boast of her own life im sure. Idk. I know if I don't add her our friendship is compromised, but if I do my anxiety and irritation will return. Honestly I hate social media. It's so silly.
I tell myself this ordeal is my hang up get over it. You know who you are. True. Be you and be happy, but it's hard when someone is living in your footprint. I wonset of its because of my health limiting my entire life and outdoor adventures for the last couple of years, & she knows it, and is the type of person who wans to rub things in, so to see her living "my" life just makes me anxious. I would love advice on this. Should I accept her Instagram? Should I talk to her about how/why I feel so guarded? How should I work on my hangup?
Its sad b/c she should be my absolute best friend but she isn't. I try to let her but my other girlfriends are SO much easier
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Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
But keeping ^it^ personal between you and your friend. . . You said, "I tell myself this ordeal is my hang up get over it. You know who you are. True. Be you and be happy," Might I suggest you tweak that acceptance to something like,, "This ordeal is *HER" hang up. Be compassionate in your acceptance of her deficiency. That is what friends do." Be honest with her, but don't take responsibility for *her* problems. Those are hers to sort.
I could use your very words to describe my husband's family. The mindset got him through college on athletic scholarships and helped him to be a corporate superstar, but it made a shambles of just about everything else in his life, including our relationship. When he gets into competitive mode, I abandon his "Playing Court" and find something safer to do. No, dear, I am not the president of your personal fan club. Not even watching. . . Let me know when you are finished with your game.
From there you can decide whether or not you want to continue to make an effort for the friendship or if it's time to move on
It reads like you put a lot of thought into this so on some level it's important to you to at least find out if you want to put more work into salvaging the friendship or not
We change and grow and friendships that are important in school may not be important later in life
If she was forced to complete growing up in most ways it's probably just part of who she is now
Imitation can be looked at as flattery …. She admires you...…
Big hug... Let us know how it goes.....xo
A friend is somebody who knows all about me and likes me anyway, I figure I gotta be willing to give what I want to get. Above all else, friendship is a two way street.
Rather than forcing the issue, I like praying (by whatever name) on such problems. Whenever the time is right, if ever the time is right, both the opportunity and words will be there. Often a better solution presents itself without need for confronting the person I am irritated with. The cosmos really are a far more creative force than lil' ol' me ever could be by myself.