Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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Living with ex-fiance and feeling STUCK

BrooklynnMB
BrooklynnMB
So I posted on here a few weeks ago that my fianc and I broke up. Well, we are still living together and he wants me to stay. I keep having this nagging feeling that we are just not meant to be. He loves me so much and seems to put up with almost anything. Sometimes we are very happy together, and the idea of him ending up with someone else makes my stomach tie up in knots. I've tried to end our relationship and thought I had a few weeks ago but he just loves me so much and wants us to work it out. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him anymore, but if I'm not with him 100% is it fair? We're not engaged anymore, we don't have a wedding planned as of now, I called off our wedding last September, almost a year ago. We have put so much work in this 5 year relationship it seems foolish to throw it all away. I know he would miss me and my dog so much (he was my dog before we started dating but 5 years is a long time in dog years so he's been around for a lot of the dog's life and become attached) and I know I would miss him too, a lot, I don't have a lot of close friends here and my closest family is 3 hours away. So stuck at this crossroads of where I can still go back to being his girlfriend, or I can move on and be on my own. I am stuck
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can somewhat relate... I'm in another country, in my case it was my husband who said he doesn't think we're working as a couple, but he told me I could stay with him if I wanted to keep living in this country and he would keep supporting me economically.
Some part of me wants him to change his mind and say he loves me, but I also made very clear that I don't want him to stay with me out of pity.
In my case, even thou it breaks my heart, I know I have to be away from him in order to heal.
I think if you stay with him when you don't love him anymore you will hurt him more in the long run and he won't be able to heal if you're still together.
deleted_user
deleted_user
"at this crossroads of where I can still go back to being his girlfriend, or I can move on and be on my own"... ok, now, think.. what do you really really realllly want to do? think of your future.. do you want your future to be with him,, not just out of default or pity or whatever but is it what you realllly want? or do you want to go and find what else is out there for you? it might be scary to think of that but,, is that where it is reallllyyyy in your deepest heart where it's at,, out there somewhere?