Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hello everyone, My name is Clint and I have a problem with lying to my wife. We have been married 5 years and overall I would say we have a great relationship.. aside from my lies of course. I don't have a problem with other people or even professionally, however when it comes to my wife I feel like I have to lie to make myself look better, or not hurt her feelings with the truth. I am not untruthful in all things with her, mostly just the finances of my career. I have over the past year or so kept a Credit card hidden form her. About 10 months ago.. the guilt had finally gotten to me and I came clean to her about the credit card. we Sorted things out and I promised her I wouldn't do that again. Here we are almost 10 months later and I have done it again. I am not buying stupid things or wasting it on un importatnt items. I use it for my business.. The problem is we have the money to NOT be using a credit card.. I just use it to hide things about my business. I really want to move on from this and not repeat my behavior again. She found out about the credit card again and has again agreed to allow me to work through my issue. I fear however, that if I don't change my behavior I am going to loose a great wife, friend and partener. I want to be able to hopfully get some feed back from others who have overcome this and how I can avoid doing this again. It is really humbling to have to share this.. even to a group of people I am not very familiar with. I do hope by sharing I can start to turn the corner and move toward trutful behavior in everything I do with my wife.
-
Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
-
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
Um, I'm just going to say...that if you're not honest with your wife...you don't HAVE a relationship.
My name is Samantha Burns and I am still dealing with something similiar to you. However I had to realize that I was not being truthful with myself. I had to understand that I was doing more harm than good. I see that you love your wife, and read how wonderful your wife is for you, however I believe that if you think about how the lies will do more harm to your wife . Be mindful of what you have to loose and if the lies are worth the lost you are chancing. I hope this is a help.
The thing is that once trust is gone it can take a long time to rebuild
You have to decide if you truly see your marriage as a partnership or not....
Therapy could help you look at this more clearly
The next time you want to do something behind your wife's back I would stop and think first about the damage that is being done and why you don't feel you can trust your wife with a conversation and truth
Big hug.... I wish you well...… You can change this simply by not doing it again.....xo
Whichever which planted the seed, getting past my lying habits was not the simple decision so many people seem to think it is. Old habits die hard. Among the reminders I use to keep my efforts on track, despite the setbacks, are:
* Truth is so much easier to keep track of. With lies I have to keep track of 2 or more stories. An especially nasty need with all the memory damage I live with.
* Lying erodes my self-trust and self-respect.
* Lying creates barriers in my relationships.
I work to be gentle with myself when I fall back in to this gnarly habit. Making amends as quickly as possible helps me keep the habit from reinstating itself while I am in denial.
you need to be a man not a little boy
little boys lie to themselves
an adult man does not
grow a backbone
How does lying make you look better? Please do not be offended, I am just trying to help you think about certain things, hopefully. As you said, you are keeping certain financial matters from her, and hiding certain things about your business. If she disapproves what you are doing then that is what you need to iron out. It seems that there is something in your situation that is pushing you to do this.
Your fear of losing her if you keep doing this is well founded and you need to stop before you inadvertently end up putting the last straw. People who are continually lied to sometimes begin to “see things.” They become suspicious and notice things that are not really there, like your shirt smells differently, when it really is not. Then you have fight over something unrelated to what you first lied about.
If you would tell a child to not lie and tell the truth..........................what
differentiates you from a child?
Love is patient, long suffering, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It Rejoices in the Truth.If you love her and she truly loves you then there is No Fear in True Love and so once again admit this struggle to her trust her
and your bond should grow;
If love is indeed all that it proclaims to be as mentioned above- will it
not prove itself in every instance? Trust in yourself and the power of Love,
Let it work FOR you and stop working Against it.
Warm wishes and Positive renewed Energy that is released to you,over you
and your home from this Day- Proclaim it as your own- be proud of it,
Honor Love- It will honor you back tenfold!
As others have mentioned, I question everything my husband tells me. If he is late getting home I don’t believe he was really working late. If he says he paid a bill, I double check. If he says that text message he just received was from his son, I check later. (He has given me permission to do this). And the big one, when he tells me he would never cheat on me I don’t believe it for one second.
In short, the close loving relationship we appear to have is slowly becoming a lie in itself. The lying is effecting every part of our lives and may eventually force me to walk away. The passion we once had is being replaced with walls to protect me from those lies I have not yet uncovered.