You sound like a wonderful and thoughtful person but you shouldn’t neglect yourself. That being said, I’m sorry your relationship with your girlfriend has turned sour. Maybe a heart to heart conversation is wise. You can put your cards on the table and so can she. At the end of the day an honest and real relationship is to make you both better as a person and not each other’s rival.

Thank you but I'm not really sure how to go about it. And what if we choose to end it what do I say to my step daughter

Have you ever heard of the words Learned Helplessness? This is when someone steps in to do Everything for a person, the person then 'expects' the help, and continues helplessness because they wait to be rescued.

Compassion for your friend's loss...if you are not willing, then you must make boundaries...perhaps suggest a therapist.

This relationship doesn't sound healthy or balanced...meaning you are not getting what you want, nor 'giving what you want' so resentments and frustrations could be building up.

You are responsible for You....your girlfriend is responsible for herself and her step daughter(how 0ld?) Things don't sound good so I'm sure the stepdaughter is well aware of issues.

Being Honest is the only road to take to find any peace....it's not easy for sure, figure out what you want/need....then it's time for an honest talk about your future together.

"how do I fix this or make this less stressful for me"

You Can Not Fix or Change this woman....she has to do that for herself. As for you to make your life less stressful, you need to make a decision to stay or leave if after having a heart to heart with her, putting forth your needs/suggestions and if she chooses not to make changes...well you have your answer.

I hope by seeking out your own mind, this video will help you to better understand giving/kindness....your needs come first as two sick people can't heal each other. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2ozReJHcFo Pema Chodron Happiness Strategy

I wish you the best of luck...making changes is very hard.

Welcome Stranger...I'm sorry that you're going through a rough time

I think ml put it really well

This won't get better unless you address what's going on and how you feel about it

It's important that you take care of you

Big hug...xo

Hi Stranger, Is this the LDR that you wrote about before? It has been going on for about 8 years?

I agree with the above posts, that you need to talk to her about how you feel. A heart to heart conversation will most likely help both of you to feel better. She is stressed, yes... but so are you. And if your needs aren't being met, you will grow more and more resentful. Talking to her about how you feel and what you want and need, will be helpful to your mental well being.

Long distance relationships are hard enough. How often do you see each other in person?

mlr0853 thank you I will think about what you said and try to implement it. The best I can.

SunCloudJD

Thank you and yes alot of the points hit home.

GirlinCalif yes its the same and we see each other once a month now.

What if this GF has some serious issues and will not change? I think you are correct that the stress lately has shown you her true nature. She is stunted in some way or has a personality disorder or something. If she gaslighted you when you told her how you feel, this is a bad sign. She either has a victim mentality (she is victim of you) or she simply can't relate to anyone else. Since you are wanting more from her, she is failing to be able to give that more.

This is a serious thing to consider. It won't get better until she decides she wants to change. You can't make her change or motivate her to change. So that is the problem. Your needs won't matter ever, if they ever did matter. It is easy to be "wonderful" during the early dating or the visits long distance. But the real personality is seen over time and when being in the same area as they live and seeing it reality wise.

You will not tell the daughter. She will because she is the mom and you are just the part time boyfriend. And she will blame you. This is a hurtful to you thing. It will be a sad thing for a long time because you love the daughter it sounds like. I am sorry about this.

You don't need to do anything right now unless you are ready right now. I'd take some time to think things through and stop focusing on the GF and her daughter for now. Focus on working on yourself to see the faults in this relationship, your part, the GF's part, etc. Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and I wish you the best.

I just wanted to add that if this has turned into basically a parent/child relationshp with your partner then it's is a sick relationship
Huge imbalance of power
Resentment will continue to grow if things don't change
There's nothing wrong with saying we really need to sit down and talk
Have your points written out if you need to
Ultamately you're either going to accept the way things are now or take a stand to chage it
It may be she's just stuck and needs a push
I know it's not easy and I wish you well
I hope things will change for the better
Big hug

Please let us know how you are doing in the next week or so. This is difficult stuff. Painful to realize some major flaws in a relationship where we love someone, or two someones.

Update i finally told her how I felt and for the last few days she hasn't spoken to me because I know her I think she's just processing the information. I'll give you guys an update once more happens

I hope that you're doing okay...xo

Oh, that is not good. To not speak to you is not good. To be quiet and be thinking is okay. There is a difference. Not speaking on purpose is a control mechanism or manipulation. OUCH. Please do let us know how you are doing. Please listen and observe her rather than always thinking so you miss her clues. I didn't see this response until now and we are all thinking about you and hoping you are doing okay as sun cloud wrote.

Any new updates? It’s been a month since your gf went silent on you? What is the outcome?

Hi I finally confront ed her about it she again shifted the blame for her actions and just seemed to blame others for the things I had problems but this time I lost i feel like I completely lost interest in her I guess she was able to tell she started an argument and threatened to leave since I was so unhappy and I took her up after a few days she called again and asked if we could still be friends and I said yes. we haven't told the step daughter and or conversations have just been typical hey how are you for the last few months .I honestly been feeling lonely and depressed after that day. And I haven't had time recover I now have 2 jobs customer facing positions and I just don't have the time. And when I do have some free time I catch up on my sleep.

@TheStranger you called it out: “Thank you but I'm not really sure how to go about it. And what if we choose to end it what do I say to my step daughter”

Hopefully your stepdaughter and her mother get to spend a nice Mother’s Day together without you in the picture. It will be good for them to bond. Best to you and your future.