I imagine that it's important to some, and not so important to others.

How is the rest of the marriage? Your lives?

(If he's work 842 hours a week...there will be things that there aren't time for.)

Have you sat down and had an in depth talk with him? Or would he be willing to go to marriage counseling?

The decision for how important it is...is really yours. For some, marriage is an important lifetime commitment, and for others, that could be a deal breaker. Then there are kids, finances, extended family.

And the grass isn't always greener. Everyone always thinks that they'll find someone perfect...few actually do.

Again, I have no answers, but you have my support as you work it out just how important this is to you.

For sure, it is not important to everyone, including me, but marriage is not about what is important to *everyone.* It's about what is important to *you*, up close and personal. It sounds like it is very important to you.

I'll second the notion that the sum of the relationship counts. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship and if the rest of the relationship outweighs this one piece, the next question might be, "How important is it?" Is it important enough to throw away the entire relationship for? Only you can decide that one.

When I first was married we kissed all the time. I love that. As the years went by we let our intimacy fade. Now she just can’t kiss. We have been getting much closer and we hug ang cuddle often now. But the kissing may not come back. I really miss it. So yes, I think it’s important. But for me, as long as we continue to build our relationship I can live without it.

no, you don't sound crazy. That's probably your love language. Meaning physical touch is how you feel loved by him. Show him more affection first and see if he reciprocates and then also tell him that you need to be shown more affection because it's important and how you feel loved by him.

Taking to heart with what everyone has said, for the most part we have a good marriage, but I should have told you a little more so here goes. both of use have our own businesses, which we try to work together in, but because of the difference in what he does and what I do we are often in different places, with that been said my side of the business took off to a great start and takes care of use financially where his side of the business is just getting off the ground and is not profiting as well, but that not the case. I have always told him or tried to kiss him or just cuddle with him, but I get nothing. I have spoken with him several times about how I feel but he just say I am making to big of a deal out of it, so I leave it along I went through this moment where they thought I had breast cancer but thanks to GOD it was nothing, but during that time I was really scared and could not get him to hold me or nothing I even had to sit at the Dr. office by myself for my results, "Oh but he did drop me off". I had to have back surgery and even though he was there just in case I needed something getting him to just hold me was out of the question. Please dont be afraid to tell me the truth am I making to big deal out of this

The heart goes where it goes and it wants what it wants. If it is a big deal to you, it is a big deal and that is all there is to it. That said, I understand all too well that the heart doesn't/shouldn't always get what it wants and knowing when to compromise and when to stand firm and/or go elsewhere to fill you needs is no small task.

Keep venting, Justlost. Brutal honest allowed. At the very least, venting it out will help you sort the riff from the raff while keeping the accumulated stresses from eating holes in your soul.

Gentle support while you sort.

You're not making too big of a deal. I heard on the radio the other day, there recently was a convention for professional cuddlers. Yes, being held is a real human need, so much now that there is a profession to fill that need.

I can relate to this problem...... when we were dating my husband was very affectionate and our intimate life was great. That stopped the day we got married.... and I mean that literally. He wasn't interested in having sex on our wedding night. The first couple of years we were married, if I tried to initiate sex, he would reject me out right.l... always. The times when we were intimate I was left feeling like a piece of meat. About 4 years ago he developed a medical condition that he has used as an excuse to end our physical relationship entirely. There is no reason why he can't..... he just doesn't want to. It's devestating to know that your husband doesn't find you attractive and will do anything to avoid you. About 6 months ago, I started sleeping in the guest room..... hoping it would bother him and he would at least want me beside him while he slept. No, not true. I've asked him several times if it bothers him and does he want me back with him and he always tells me no, the he thinks I sleep better without him. When I met him, when I looked in the mirror I saw a reasonably attractive middle ages woman with a lot to offer. Now I look in the mirror and see an ugly, old woman that nobody could possibly want. That's was a lack of intimacy in a marriage can lead to.