I would want to know why he is unable to get over the past. Something is hurting him and he is not coping with it well.
Would he do counseling ?

so, he has no leg to stand on? Maybe his reaction is harsh, but he's trying to not be reminded of your sexual past.

Hanging out in bars in a larger social group or participating in a wedding party with them?

That is difficult for a lot of people to tolerate.

Think of it this way. Would you like to imagine your best friend who is prettier than you doing your husband way better than you and now he works with her all the time.

Would your insecurities flare up?

If not? You're unusual.

Maybe you ought to decline participating in the wedding party and skip socializing with those men.

Then focus on strengthening trust in your marriage.

See the girl my husband slept with I am not jealous of her he sees her in passing says hello and I think nothing of it. But if the role was reversed I get talked to negatively; and like me being nice is wrong and hurting him. I don't think it is wrong for me to ask him to suck it up and not ruin are best friends wedding day because they have nothing to do with this drama that happened over 8 years ago. I just don't see how someone could be this angry and emotional about something that happened so long ago, he acts like it happened yesterday.

Wedding day - yes, he has to suck it up, but I definitely would not tell him that .
His feelings of jealousy ? You have to choose who is more important - your husband or some dicks from long ago.
I would choose the husband and work with him on his feelings.
this is a big problem and it can lead to divorce. You should be even for what he did to you, but something isn't closing. It has to be fixed.

How are you being friendly with these guys? Are you chatting with them, or just say a quick hi and move on if you have to see them. There's a difference between being polite or cordial and being friendly. When he sees the woman he was with, is he polite or friendly? I agree your husband has unresolved feelings and I'm not even sure it's jealousy. I think it's a matter of taking the time with him to work it out. I would not approach your husband defensively, but just acknowledge for him you realize it bothers him and so what would it take for both of you to be able to understand where each other is coming from and move forward. Make it about your relationship, not about you or him.

I'm wondering the same as rmb.... Is it just hi how are you or is it more?
I'm not a jealous person either ... It sounds like he has trust 'issues' even though you were broken up at the time
I would let him know that you'd really like to find out what the problems stem from and see if you can work on healing the rift for both of your sakes.... This NOT being about these particular guys but that he feels so upset .... Big hug.....xo

I'm not a jealous person either so it's hard for me to understand when someone acts out of jealousy. I do think it's deeper than what he's conveying.

And on the surface, I feel like my advice sounds like I'm justifying jealously and him being irrational, that it's ok to control who you see and don't see. I hope you don't take it that way because that's not what I mean.

Since being married, I focus my attention on my husband and not on my friends and my circle. I don't hang out with guys unless they are with their wives or girlfriends. My husband is the same when it comes to his friends, his circle and other women. If there's any kind of weird history where I know it's going to make my husband or me uncomfortable, we avoid those situations.

When I was first with my husband, when we were a few months together, I remember us going out with a couple who were friends of mine. It was the first time my husband met them. The husband of my girlfriend started talking about things that happened when I was single, about this time I went out with his cousin. He kept ribbing me about it and alluding to us having sex. It was a stupid thing for him to talk about, that's for sure. After we got home, my husband was livid. He was like, I can't believe he sat there and talked about some guy you once had sex with while I'm sitting there. I agreed but then he said, I don't want to know about anyone you've ever been with. I reminded him that I was 35 years old and surely he must know that I actually dated before meeting him, and that he had an ex wife and that I had to know about. What's the big deal. I am still, 16 years later, not sure why he was bothered so deeply by that except he felt it was disrespectful and I think for him, it felt like it took a bit of shine off how special he felt we were together, to each other. Knowing that bothered him, I was more careful about who we hung out with. I would never want him to feel like that again.

Love your husband more than your need to be right on this.

I agree with RMB...go to the wedding, say nothing more than a quick hello and move on, if you cannot totally avoid these guys. Don't get into a conversation with them. Pay extra attention to your husband and show him that you're thinking of him only. I would even go as far as to ask the bride not to seat you at the same table. Perhaps since you live in a small town, you see interacting with them as unavoidable, but from my perspective, it is usually very easy to avoid exes if you try.

That is all that I do is a quick hello I don't sit and chat with him, I don't think I have said more then hi. How are you? and good. That literally are conversation. He is engaged to my best friend and we have common friends so I am going to see him from time to time but not often. But the worst part is my husband will get angry even if someone says his name telling a story or someone had a picture album of those guys in it and he blew up and was being mean to me in front of everyone and everyone was confused and I will go talk to him and he wont talk he just says he is thinking about stuff??? I dont understand how you could get that angry and upset about a picture of someone or someone telling a non-related story about the guy???

Maybe he just deep down despises the two guys you slept with as human beings. He just finds them loathsome individuals. Or maybe they posess some physical characteristic like a bigger penis or have mental and emotional charisma that he lacks and he's simply jealous of their seemingly superior qualities compared to his. Maybe it has nothing to do with you...except that you chose to sleep with them all those yarons ago...

I think he gets angry because he doesn't know how to cope with his feelings, or undersand his feelings. Given his age, it may be a maturity thing. All this stuff that happened between you two happened when you were basically teenagers. It sounds to he may be a bit emotionally immature.

He should not yell at you.in front of people. Be firm with him that you aren't tolerating that. Tell him that when you are calm and feel like your emotions are under control.

You both may want to consider marriage counseling. I agree his out bursts are not cool.

it shouldn't be a problem but for him it is, aside from this does he respect you, is he good to you, if so, maybe you should suck it up for him
can he only have feelings if they are rational to you?



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I'm with everyone else. It's a respect thing. I understand you are in the middle because it is your friends wedding, and you don't get to chose who is there- nor whom any of your friends marry. You do get to chose who you married, and who you talk to. So, I agree with everyone else. Don't be mean to the guys, but don't go out of your way to talk to them. No side conversations by yourselves and such. That isn't necessary. If it makes your husband upset, find out exactly why. Have a good, long talk with him and get to the bottom of it. Not that it will change, but maybe you two can understand each other more.