I remember your posts, and I'm so sorry hear that things didn't work out hon.

This is a really tough time in life. There's no easy fix for a broken heart. Just remember you are not alone on this journey. There are many people in the world suffering from the same painful experience. Your ability to move through this with self awareness, kindness and patience for yourself will show you and others the strength of your character.

Go ahead and be here. It's part of the process to feel the pain. Keep talking, stay in touch with friends and rest assured that one day you'll be able to look back on this as a beautiful learning experience.

((Benson))

I find myself drifting in and out of the pain. My heart aches so much, I keep wanting to just call her and beg her back but I can't. I know what I've done, I don't deserve this. She keeps telling me it's her fault not mine, but I can't see that. I keep believing I'm at fault in so many ways, I'm trying to deny myself from going over the past and asking what i could've done differently, I can't change the past just like I can't force someone to love me.

I'm destroyed, devastated, just want to keep crying but also want to stop. I'm trying to be patient, but i keep remembering that I doomed myself. I hate myself for it, I'm the one who started the conversation in that direction. I could've dropped it from there.

Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. It is always easy to give advice but much harder to follow it when a person is hurting. Just like reply number one said there are no easy fixes nor any magical words to make the pain any less right now, it just requires a lot of patience and time to start healing.

A majority of us have been through the exact same thing you are going through now and everyone handles it different ways. Some things that might help just a bit are doing different things. Treat yourself to something you have always wanted or even just something silly. It doesn't have to be expensive just something different. Even changing little things in your home can be of some help as throwing yourself into some projects helps relax the mind.

If your feeling up to it call some good friends and go to some place you haven't been before or if you just want to hang out at home order some take out food that you have never tried before and listen to music that you have never heard before. I find that breaking up a routine sometimes can really help. Even taking a class or volunteering at a place of interest can be a great way to get your mind to focus on other things for a bit.

All of these little things that I mentioned are not easy fixes mind you but they really do help in small ways and in time the days are going to look a whole lot brighter. Hang in there kiddo things do get better:)

Please don't hate yourself for the beak up, Benson. If you hadn't broached the subject now, it would have festered and may have ended even worse. You are hurting now, and that's letting you know you're alive and can go on. I've felt that pain also. It sucks horribly. But it DOES get better. Hang in there, give yourself time to grieve over your loss. It feels like a death so cry, cry hard. You WILL feel better afterwards. It will clear your mind trust me friend.

From what I've read in your posts you made a good effort. Sometimes it's just not meant to be. It's not your fault or her fault, it just is.

It's going to hurt for a bit if you've never gone through a breakup before. Keep your chin up, spend time with your family and friends and keep moving forward. You'll find happiness up ahead.

I've done this a few times before. Normally I end it, so I know what is happening on her side. The pain is slowly dampering, I'm feeling myself turn numb. That's not a good or bad thing, but at least it soothes the pain for a bit.

I worked most of the last night (I work at Domino's Pizza as a driver here). A buddy of mine invited me to his party, I knew there would be a bunch of people and even a girl or two that I like. I know alot of people are going to say heading after someone else doesn't solve anything. I mostly was just trying to taper into those waters. I find after a week or two I need that companionship and that's when I start picking up female friends who are interested in company or sex. It's how I deal and it seems to let me settle and keep me from going nuts. It's a bit of a jerk move, but I look at it as honest activity between us.

Breaking habit is hard, I don't really follow a routine. Yesterday she kept texting me, asking questions or telling me it's the best "for right now". I don't know how I'd hold up if she asked me back again. My heart screams for her, but my mind sees pain coming again. She hasn't done it yet, but this pattern repeats with every guy she dates. She'll do this until they get sick of it and decide to just leave.

Two friends of mine spoke to me about moving back to Kingston (where I went to college). There's nothing holding me back in this town outside of work. I told them I'm seriously considering it when they finish this semester. Just find a place, some jobs and leave. I'm trying to reconnect with myself and that's where I felt the most at home.

I'm thinking of taking a trip this week. Whether to Kingston or to a friends place out of town. I don't know...but I need to get away from the familiar faces and places. Need to be somewhere these memories can't haunt me. It's very brutal, and I'm trying to just take it a step at a time and keep my mind off things.

Thank you all for your comments and supportive words. I really need them.