Hey Shine14. I didn't find anything you said offensive. I dated this girl a month ago. Just before my break from dating. She knew my intention was to just make friends. I had made it very clear to her. A friend is what I thought I had made. We laughed and carried on. We had a great time. A nice hug is all we exchanged after the date. I am pretty sure that she knew that I was just looking for friends to hang out with.
I posted this here because this group is called Healthy Relationships. To me friendships apply with the name of the group. I might even post about my relationship with a family member. I guess she was nothing more than an a acquaintance, but there was a possibility for friendship.
I personally don't think having her as a friend would be good for me because I already know that she'll throw away our friendship the instant she starts dating someone.

Okay, as a woman with active profiles on dating sites, my viewpoint and experiences are: when a guy says "friends" it loosely translates into: "I don't want to date, I want to hang out and bang you on occasion. With no commitment just when neither one of us of anything else to do, we meet up and get laid."

You may have meant something totally different But genuinely when I hear friends That's what the offer usually ends up being.

Girl may have heard you say what I thought you would've been saying. So, she told you that she didn't want that, that her dance card was full and she wanted to focus just on one guy.

I agree completely shine that you over analyze everything. You're looking too deep into it. Branding her a "user" because you may have both been on entirely different pages is a bit rude to me. You went on one date, with limited communication. Walk it off.

Just my two cents.

Like I said before. I'll be nice when she messages me. I don't expect anything besides a casual conversation occasionally, if that.

"I posted this here because this group is called Healthy Relationships. To me friendships apply with the name of the group. I might even post about my relationship with a family member. I guess she was nothing more than an a acquaintance, but there was a possibility for friendship."
Definitely! (And I didnt think I implied otherwise?)

I dont think its anything worth being so emotionally invested in (as in, feeling disposable), she was trying to be straightforward and didnt want to send any mixed signals - maybe not to YOU, but to her dude about you, you know?

If you dont think being friends with this chick is a good idea, why not just block her from your phone, or be straight with her about it?

SBJ - I would say a good 94% of "I want to be friends" on a dating site translates to talk sometimes, and bang once in a while...so, yeah, the "friend" word isn't the most productive on those sites hahaha

Anyhow, in my opinion as me, I feel this thread, by itself, was more thought than needed to be put into this. You went on adate last month, said you were done dating, keep thinking girls really want "hang out buddies" from DATING sites...and...ok...so....

I think she is so irrelevant in the scope of what's important in your life, that I wouldn't give it a second thought.

I just thought it was strange, I'm not to concerned over it.

Why is it that simply DATING more than one person at a time makes you a player and a user?!? I seriously hate that crap! Idk why society now expects exclusivity at the first date, but I think it's pure BS. Date 50 people if you want. Until it's time to commit, no harm, no foul. This does NOT make someone a player, so I think it's crap to say she was doing him a favor by kicking him out of her life while she talked to another guy, and is now pulling him back in since that other guy is gone. What makes a player is someone who lies and tries to get into your pants with empty promises. I think I'm still laughing at the concept of dating more than one person at a time defining "player" status!

Apparently you liked her enough at one point where you wanted to be friends and hang out. I give her credit for being honest and making you aware she was interested in another guy. So she didn't like the other guy and now wants to give you her attention, I say take her up on her offer. She's certainly interested in you and didn't do anything wrong.

Good luck,
BR

She -agreed.

The only reason the incident bothered me at all is because she she didn't want anything to do with me. Not friendship, nothing. I have a lot of girlfriends that are in serious relationships with other guys. I am actually friends with a lot of the guys my girlfriends are dating. To be honest I didn't see anything more than a friendship out of our relationship. That's really all I wanted. When I say girlfriends, I mean female friends. Lol.

You know, there's so many things I see going on here.
The internet has made it so fast and easy to meet other people and yet, there is something lost. In my day, before personal computers, relationships took time to cultivate and groom. Modern singles get caught up in a whirlwind of strangers bumping into each other and no one gets to really know a person before they decide to stay friends or cut them loose.
You should also keep in mind that everyone is a product of there environment and what is right for one will seem inappropriate for another. This problem is magnified by the fact that you could meet someone from another state or country on the other side of the world.
Also social sophistication for each individual is something that seems totally overlooked these days. Keep in mind that the person you just met might be a newbie with very poor social skills and little experience. This doesn't necessarily mean they are a nasty or bad person.
People put on a show when they meet new people and do everything in there powers to conceal any flaws and get along with the new friend to see if indeed there was a possibility of friendship there. Unfortunately with such a perfect show going on, any little flaw becomes a glaring stumbling block to what might have been.

You need the wisdom to see past the facade. Otherwise you will overlook truly loving, kind, gentle loyal people who were gosh enough to just be themselves. You have to look past personal flaws and get to know who they really are. You should take it way more slowly when you are forming opinions about new people you meet. In order to HAVE a good friend, YOU need to BE a good friend. Then just let the cards fall as they may. When you do find true love, the flaws will melt away or become an endearing part of why you love that person so much. A true friend can forgive a lot.

All these posters throwing around the term "user" and yet no one has used the term "flake". Don't be a flake, man. When you decide to be someones friend, then that should hold all the respect you would have for anyone you consider your friend. Even if you don't see or communicate with them for months or even years. They are still your friend. You put yourself out there and say "You are my friend." and hope with faith that they will honer that pact and return the respect friendship is due. If they don't, then this will tell you to put them down a peg and deem them acquaintance. People can have lots of friends and I mean real true friends. They get like that because they themselves are real true friends and as a result they gain friendships that last there life time.

Also I would like to point out that you should be friends first, then lovers. So many people trying to find there way see a pretty face and hop into bed, have a great time and think they are in love. Sometimes it works out and they do become friends after that. It's been my experience that most times it doesn't work out and the pair have little in common and after time realize they don't even like each other and then the confusion and denial sets in and they waist each other's time and ruin there lives. Really happy couples were friends first.

It seems to me you have been burned and burnt out by your efforts on the internet. I would say to you to go back to your hobby or try a new one. Get out in the real world and meet new people who will have something in common with you. If you use to do a hobby as a kid, there is most likely a group of enthusiasts who are pursuing the hobby and you can join right in. It would be good for you! Share your knowledge and learn new things and develop new friendships. This would help greatly with your peace of mind.

With the best intentions,
Garden Gnome

I've had friends like that, I only exist when they don't have a boyfriend and as soon as they break up they call and expect me to sitting here ready to go shopping or the movies etc. You were looking for a friend and now apparently she needs one, I'd say thanks but no thanks! She's already showed you the kind of person she is.