I agree with you. caring about someone and their well-being and loving someone are two totally different things.

Maybe the person who says... "I love you, but I'm not "IN LOVE" with you...... is defining "In Love" as a romantic feeling when you want to be intimate with someone.

and just plain " I love you" can be said to a Mother, Father, Brother, Sister or child.

That's how I define it anyway. I don't tell my siblings " I'm IN love with you" "IN LOVE" is for the romance! " I love you" is for a person that you care about and you want the very best things in life for that person. You want for them all the good things you want for yourself, without the romance.

Agree with Sue. There are many kinds of love. The kind that'll make you stick around no matter what is the friendship or parental kind. The "oohh oohh aahh aahh gotta gotta have you" is the being IN love kind.

You know what? This is a GREAT topic that can really have many levels.

When I said. " love means you want all the good things in life for that person. All the good things you want for yourself"

I just realized!! So many people who say " I'm in love with you" They don't want all the good things in life for you that they want for themselves AT ALL!!! They want you to be who they want you to be.
I think so many times, most of the time in fact, when a person says they are "in love" with someone, it really means.. " I want you to do my bidding and I want you to take care of me"

I feel I have said something similar in another post.. but this post just made me think of it again.

i have loved people before and not been in love with them. it is definitely possible. I love some of my male friends to death and have never nor would ever be in love with them..

'But I have only been in love one time In my 39 years. It's with my current bf, so I am not really experienced in "being IN love " either

I agree, Sue, being IN love is more selfish and un-altruistic. Being IN love is about making you INTO what I want, rather than loving you as you are unconditionally.

Everybody's idea of love is different. Honestly, I don't even know what love is. I know when I have feelings for someone, and I'm totally obsessed, and putting all of his needs before mine. I've been that way, and this way of being is not healthy. This is how I realized that there are different kinds of love. There is loving yourself, loving someone else to a certain point to where that person is not walking all over you, and also there is the appreciation of someone's qualities. Loving how that person is, but not being in love with them.

I have been in "love" with someone that had feelings for me but did not love me back. That can happen, and this relationship left me numb and hurt. I couldn't understand how that can happen. How can I be madly in love with someone that just had indifferent feelings towards me. I put myself out there for this person, I care about his well-being, I did everything he wanted. Do you know what I got in return? I got treated like nothing, I got hit during sex, and I was cheated on with prostitutes, and other women, and lied to. That's when I realized how can I be in love with someone who did that? Even after all he did that to me, I still wanted him to be with me. Some people would say, you're nuts. I look at myself, and know I'm nuts.

You write, In my opinion either love that person or you don't. I loved that guy, but I should not have loved him. There was nothing about him to love, I was obsessed maybe with the idea of being in love...

In my opinion being in love with someone means you have a physical attraction towards them, as well as admiring their numerous character traits.

Loving someone to me means you accept a person for who they are warts and all, but no physical attraction exists.

I loved the mother of my children, but failed to love my children in the same way, there is a difference, and quite a significant one.

I just thought of something bizzare! lol


Say you think you love someone, your in love everying is wonderful. You are out at a party, a beautiful sexy person of the opposite sex ( or what ever sex your partner would be attracted to) comes over and starts complimenting and fawning all over your partner!!! lol

Do you feel " Oh how wonderful, my beloved is getting their ego stroked and I bet it feels wonderful!! I am so happy for them!! lol

No way! You get pissed as hell, right! And if they seem to be enjoying it, you get even more angry!

That right there is the difference. Cause if you loved just to love you would be oh so happy they were happy.

When I see young men looking at my daughter, I am so happy for her and I tell her when we get out to the car.. " That cute guy was checking you out you beautiful thing you" lol.. and I'm happy for her!

Yep! That is the difference between loves! ha ha

I have men from my past that I care for ,but I wouldn't say I love them. LOVE is a strong word I only have one man that I truly love out of my thirty years of living. I don't love easy but when I do I love hard. I think the only difference in love is the love you have for family/friends and the love you have for a significant other. I've heard my friends say I love him but i'm not in love with him. I'm like just say you care for him don't even add love in it. That's another level. I just take the "L" word very seriously and I don't use it loosely.

@FOUNDLOVE: I feel you- the situation I am in now has me going out my mind doing things I know I am not supposed to do. He is like my drug its like I need him to survive and that is not healthy. Right now I am depressed because he is giving me silent treatment and I think he is seeing someone else and it hurts like hell. I should be used to it because he hurts me on a constant basis. Sometimes you just cant help who you love.

Interesting, Blessed!!

I would like to ask you a question if I may,

How do you treat the people you love differently from the people that you just "care for".?

If I may be so bold as to say, I think telling your friends how to express themselves. " well just say that you care for him then" is a little much, but hey! lol

Jesus had a lot to say about Love. He used it in terms of just going around loving everyone.. even just a neighbor.

Where and when do you think you developed the thought that love was to be reserved for just the extra special? Just curious! :)

P.S. Don't be so stingy with your love!.. ha ha.(. I'm just joking with you)

@ShastaSue: Haha...When I speak on this I am only speaking of intimate relationships (ie boyfriend,husband,wife,girlfriend). I don't tell my friends that I just think it in my head. I have a lot of male friends that I have talked to but never developed strong feelings for them I care for their well being (ex: I wouldn't be mad if they were with someone else) I do have one guy that if he were with someone else I would be hurt. When I love I try to do anything and everything to make that person happy. When you say I am hurting I want to make it better. I'm thinking of that person all day, missing that person all the time. I feel like im in heaven when im in his arms.Its hard to leave his side.

Now when it comes to my son, family , friends I love them to death!!!! They are my everything.

I hope this makes sense ...lol

The word love and how you use it obviously can have a very different meaning to people. Although I may care about someone and wish all the happiness and health for them, I have learned to drop the word love. It can have a very subjective meaning by the recipient and how it was meant. Once you say it with all good intentions, you just opened a Pandora's box to some who take it differently and run with it. Can't unsay it unfortunately. Lessons learned.

Shasta, I like your take on the subject of love.......God is love...all Christians are taught to love...Jesus spread love wherever he went. Of course we have different levels of love, as we do all things in life. We have the ability to make choices. The unconditional love one has for a child is certainly different than that which he would have for his mate. Why you ask?? Very simple one Is blood related the other is not. Love is by far the strongest emotion that we possess.