If the person had not changed or does not believe what they did was wrong then likely they will continue to be the same way. He justified cheating by saying he wasn't sleeping with his wife and he was I fact faithful to his mistress? Huge red flags.
I really liked a guy and he seems to be a good guy but I know that he has hit women in the past and the not so distant past either. He says he doesn't need anger management, he tends to date psychos too, would I ever date him? No because I don't want to be the next woman he hits, he has a bad track record and justifies his behaviour.
If a person has changed and worked on themselves then no I don't think their past should be held against them. There's a saying "if a person shows you who they are, believe them". Your guy and my friend have shown us that they don't think what they have done is wrong, that should say it all.

My mindset is that a leopard cannot change it's spots.

It doesn't make it bad Just makes it leopard.

The short answer? Yes.

The longer answer? I think it depends on the person. And, as bad as this may sound, the circumstances surrounding a situation.

For instance, cheating. Someone can be the most loyal person in every facet of their life but make a mistake in a situation because of marital (or relationship) issues, or whatever. Granted, it's not really an excuse, it's more to figure out if the person could ever be considered faithful again in a future relationship. I think they can as long as they work on what caused them to cheat and learn to communicate with their new partner. Basically, I don't think we should condemn an individual that made that mistake once.

Now, someone who could be considered a "habitual" cheater (cheating on every relationship or the majority), yeah, I would say it's a pretty good indication that they will probably cheat again. They probably justify it in their heads and find a way of making it seem reasonable.

So, while I think past behavior can predict future behavior...it depends on whether it was an actual honest mistake or if they acted with intent on a regular basis.

Honestly, I'd be worried as hell if I were you...but that's just me.

~Michelle

It depends on the person, and on their behaviors.

Someone used to abuse animals, or children? I will absolutely judge them based on that, regardless of who they are now.
Someone who used to litter? Not so much.

There are so many varying degress of good and bad behavior, its a case-by-case type of thing.

As far as your husband goes - I am wondering why you are just thinking of this now and not before you got married? Along with the other stuff youve posted about him :\

Shine, I agree with you. I will 100 percent judge someone based on used to abuse animals, children, the elderly, whatever.

Bottom line: we do what makes up comfortable. I don't like everyone, therefore, I don't associate with everyone, and vice versa.

I didn't know about the serial cheating until after we were married.

.and he spun me a line about how his wives were all horrible to him and kept sex from himwhen his last wife had their son and stopped wanting sex after she gave birth, he said 'she fell in love with someone else, our son' and that is how he justified his affair s.
but I took him at face value and didn't delve into his past.
His second wife ( I'm his 4th!) he told me he married because she was pregnant and he didn't love her. He called it a shot-gun wedding, they were bf and gf. The truth was that they had bought a house together and had been living together for two years, she had reduced her hours at work and fell pregnant - doesn't sound too shot-gun to me. !!1 When I said this to him he said 'what does it matter now' he then left her as he was having an affair with his next wife..but not until they had a second child!!!
I decided to make my decision on the person he was when I met him. I didn't ask about his past..but these things keep coming up!!!
He told me three different reasons why he left the Policeforceit turned out he was sacked, which is pretty hard to do!!!

and ya know what they say - marry in haste, repent at leisure.

I guess Im trying to evaluate if I made a bad judgement call in going on face value ( yes clearly!) or if I was right to give him a fresh start so to speak!!!

I do believe we are all entitled to a fresh start, myself included., although my conscience is clear.I admit I have made mistakes and learnt from them.

Him messing up is ok, as long as he says he learnt from it and understands how it hurt people etcbut he has no remorse, he just says it was someone else's fault.
I suppose Im trying not to see I messed up and made a bad choice with him.

So what do you do from here?

jeeeeez I don't know yet. I was just ruminating on him, me, his misleading stories.
I made a decision going into this relationship, well all of them really, that I wouldn't 'dress up' anything. If you want to be with someone, whats the point of being someone you are not!? So I assumed wrongly he was on the same page as me with that.

I married him too quickly, but I relocated to be with him and took my daughter who was 16 so I wanted some sort of security should it not work out. I knew it was a risk but hoped for the best. I was scared. Im 46 and worried about my old age and surviving etc..so along comes this guy, seems too good to be true and I was all too ready and vulnerable , to believe what he said. If I ever questioned him or his past he would say I was interrogating him and to lay off. So we skirted round stuff I should have faced head on.

You think 46 is old?

No way!

I think I would probably divorce him. But you have to do what is best for you.

I know I couldn't handle being in a relationship with someone who couldn't be honest with me without feeling like I was interrogating him or who I had to worry was going to constantly cheat on me.

You aren't old...

I know this sounds a little harsh but...there's a very good reason he's been married 4 times...and that doesn't have anything to do with you.

~Michelle

redhead.dont i think that every day!!!

I suppose it seemed ok but I have been married 3 times too. My past is a bit simpler, I never cheated. My H1 left me pregnant after 12 years. H2 I was with for 10 years and was just a good friends relationship and I wanted more.so I married H3 out of pure love for the man and to show the children it was stablethen he had a serious back injury so was unable to work and hit depression hard with 3 suicide attempts in 2 years. He walked out one day. I went back to college and struggled to keep afloat while I retrainedalong comes H4 full of promises and complete with white horse!!! ( slightly rusty armour though!)

I admit it, I didn't look before I leapt!!!
So I was hardly in a position to baulk at the multi marriages thing!

I also struggle with co-dependency issues so need to be needed.
hindsight is a wonderful thing. I have learnt a lot, mainly about my own shortcomings mind you. I continue to be friends with all my exes, H2 is one of my best friends still.

.did I really say 'my past is a bit simpler'..

lol!
x

I think a turbulent past needs a closer evaluation.
People who have a history of habitual cheating are at high risk for repeating IMO.
I am in one of those relationships but this is really the only problem i have with my partner and it is a major one, but we are working on it.

"Is the past an indicator of someones future behavior?"

I'd say...yes. Especially if the person is completely non-repentent, hasn't apologized and says to everybody "Fuck you; this is just who I am".

Listen more to his behavior than his words.