Ok I get that this is a very common topic but my situation may be slightly different than the usual "hes just a lazy drunk oaf" sort of situation. Long post sorry!

I'll start with a brief history of myself and my husband- we are very young (mid 20's) and have been married for almost 5 years. We have a 4 1/2 year old daughter. We have our hiccups and arguments but its never been something major (we can usually resolve it after a short time- it's about petty things like who's turn it was to clean the bathroom.). I work full time as a registered nurse on night duty and my husband studies at home online while working 1-2 days per week at a retail job (GameStop). My in laws look after our daughter while I'm working/sleeping during the week and we get her on the weekends.

Husband meets a guy about 6 months ago and introduces me to him and his girlfriend. I'm not an overly social person but I usually get along with his friends he had over every once in awhile. I thought this would be the same.

But it wasn't, my husband started to invite these people over for sometimes 3 or 4 days in a row. It was tedious for me at times, but I was okayish (they messed up our Christmas because instead of last minute food shopping after work on Christmas eve we had to rush out to the city to buy a game to get drunk over and play... which I protested but was voted odd out- we ended up going hungry on Christmas day, thankfully we had a special Christmas on the weekend when I wasn't working but it was still annoying..)

The couple would act like children in my house. Throwing each other at walls and groping or throwing food at each other. It was a bit disrespectful but I just asked my husband in private to politely ask them to tone down the rough behaviour.

Two months pass and the friend and his girlfriend break up. This is when things started to go bad, because the guy would show up at my house with my husband unannounced. My husband would take him out drinking until 5am etc but I let it slide because I knew he just needed support from a friend after the breakup... the only thing I did do was slap my husband on the wrist for not keeping me updated that he would be out so late. This drinking and staying out thing didn't last, so it was whatever.

But what did end up happening progressively was the friend would be at my place sometimes  5 days or more a week, staying late and giving me very little time to enjoy the solace of my home before I would have to go to work. Not only this, but the more I got to know him, the more our personalities just did not click. I am American living here I Australia, and he would constantly say really venomous thigs about Americans- that we are rotten people and insanely stupid etc. He would argue with me at the drop of a dime about something and disagree with many things I might say.

He would maybe be around when my husband and I would argue over something, which happened fairly occasionally (work and what was happening at home was stressing me out, If my husband didn't clean up the house or something by the time I'd get home after a long day I'd get cranky) and seeing this, the friend felt entitled to start treating me badly in my own house- calling me stupid or making sarcastic remarks about me. It was deliberate and making me extremely uncomfortable. I know this because when I asked my husband why he was being rude, he said "because you treat me badly." (I'm actually very nice to my husband most of the time... our bickering at each other is well shared)

Time passes and hes still coming over almost daily. Other things start happening like he starts doing laundry at my house weekly, (my husband said he would pay 10$, but 1. At times he did not and 2. I don't care I don't want him doing that). My husband would spend 3 hours at the gym with him and then the entire afternoon and into the late night with him at our house. The only time we might get any shred of privacy would be (thank God) when my daughter is with us. Even then though there would be times he would just show up unannounced.

Things would keep happening in my house with him there such as he would criticizes my lifestyle, indirectly tell me I'm fat and lazy (mind you, this friend has no other job than the 1-2 day retail job my husband has- they both work max 2 days a week!), make remarks to my husband asking why I'm not the one doing such and such cleaning task if my husband says he's cleaning something (when I am the one actually always doing it.. I clean up more often and than my husband ever has), and he would even say bad things about me to my husband, that he should not have to 'put up' with me.

This last month I had enough. A two week span went by that my husband would cancel plans with me but spend most of his time with this friend, before going on a 4 day holiday to visit some of his friends in another state for his birthday. I was depressed and feeling completely alienated.

He talked to the friend about being nicer to me, but he would still offend me (maybe unintentionally, but I had enough at this point it was horribly stressing me out)

I put my foot down 2 weeks ago and told my husband that I did not want to see the friend anymore. He made me uneasy and I couldn't continue to pretend to like him or be nice. I didn't say he had to stop being his friend, quite the opposite I said I didn't want to take away any friendship from him but I just did not want anything to do with the guy anymore. They could still be friends but just that he was banned from my house. They are welcome to continue what they do at his house or elsewhere.

My husband got upset at first but agreed after a time... temporarily. Last week he invited him over for 3 hours. I allowed it, but I stayed away from the situation completey and did not come out of my bedroom.

This week it happens again, and at first I protested him coming over,. But my husband guilted me- so I said fine, just have him gone before I go to work. They had 3 hours, and then I text my husband to take him home because I want to get ready for work- it was getting late... 

Instead of honouring the agreement, the friend barges into my private bedroom where I was and starts to try to rationalise with me- I said "please I don't want to talk. Just leave," but he still goes at it, saying "I don't treat you different than anyone else " and "why should I drop what I'm doing and leave just because you are going to work" etc. I tell him with honesty that I don't get along with him and he makes me uneasy. He tells me "I think you are a terrible person and I can't stand looking at you but I put up with it for your husband."  He throws in belittling comments about my personal life, asking why I need my husband to take me to work (a 5 Min drive from our house- I only ask him to bring me bc my shift starts at night... ironically as well, this friend has no car of his own and bums rides off my husband literally daily for almost everywhere he goes).. I get fed up and we escalated, I said to him "leave or I will call the police" and then he starts telling me in delusional and that he hates me. I said ok fine please don't come back.

My husband sided with his friend, saying it was unfair for me to kick him out and they left the house together, my husband saying 'im done im just done with this' and the friend adds 'this will be the smartest thing he ever does' and 'you wont ever find someone to put up with you like he has'

I understand he was trying to talk it out with me, but even the way he went about that was really insulting.. it was as if all he wanted to do was tell me I was wrong rather than actually come to some sort of mutual agreement.

So here I am at a crossroad. All I ever asked in this situation was for my husband not to bring him to the house when I'm around anymore.. but this happened. I don't know if I am wrong or not but I do know that I would become physically sick when this person was around and I couldn't take it anymore. I begged my husband to sit with me and talk about it but every time he would avoid the conversation and say "stop blaming him for our problems."

But I really do feel like he is the problem. I don't know if im right or not or if I am being unfair... I love my husband and I don't want to lose him but this is getting way out of hand for me. I really don't know what to do... it's really taking over my life right now..

Thank you.. for listening to my story