Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hi Everyone,
I'm upset... again, over an action of my partner's today.
He's been away for a couple of months (3 1/2 hours away), and sometimes gets to visit our 20 month old daughter and I on weekends.
A little history first... I've essentially been a "single mom" raising our daughter by myself, even though being in a relationship (unstable on and off one), and without him even sleeping over to help, etc. He would visit a few hours help out, and leave to go back to his place. We've talked about being a real family but... as you can see it hasn't happened. And, it's been quite a strain on me to be alone in this, raising my baby, and with lack of sleep and minimal relief being a problem, managing my house (that I own, so maintanence etc is my responsibility), working on the side when I can from home (hard to do now that she's a toddler).
Anyhow, we planned to spend today together. He's travelling three and a half hours to get back. However, instead of being here in the afternoon, he called at almost 2 o'clock, after having hanging out with his friend first. We haven't seen him in a week, and I need help with things (certain things I need to do (i.e. repair my roof - Did I mention I was a maintenance man too - just kidding - well, not really...) that I can't do unless I have another body here to watch my daughter (which is supposed to be him).
I'm upset that considering he hasn't seen us all week, and we'll only have a chance to spend today and part of Monday together, that his priority is to stop in the city and hang out with his friend first. And he's angry at me for being upset about this.
Is it my thinking? Is there not something wrong with this picture in the responsibility department? I'm constantly feeling like my needs are at the bottom of a heap somewhere. And, yes, I've talked to him about it, and yes, in a nonblaming way, and he seemed willing to help - but I guess as they say actions speak volumes.
I'm finding myself upset a lot lately about things like this, that just seem to happen all the time. We've recently reconciled and now I'm questioning why I am in this relationship.
Any feedback is welcome thanks.
P.S. I've also been working hard at my end to accept and work on my responsibility for problems in my relationship, but I'm now wondering if all my efforts are going to the wrong person.
I'm upset... again, over an action of my partner's today.
He's been away for a couple of months (3 1/2 hours away), and sometimes gets to visit our 20 month old daughter and I on weekends.
A little history first... I've essentially been a "single mom" raising our daughter by myself, even though being in a relationship (unstable on and off one), and without him even sleeping over to help, etc. He would visit a few hours help out, and leave to go back to his place. We've talked about being a real family but... as you can see it hasn't happened. And, it's been quite a strain on me to be alone in this, raising my baby, and with lack of sleep and minimal relief being a problem, managing my house (that I own, so maintanence etc is my responsibility), working on the side when I can from home (hard to do now that she's a toddler).
Anyhow, we planned to spend today together. He's travelling three and a half hours to get back. However, instead of being here in the afternoon, he called at almost 2 o'clock, after having hanging out with his friend first. We haven't seen him in a week, and I need help with things (certain things I need to do (i.e. repair my roof - Did I mention I was a maintenance man too - just kidding - well, not really...) that I can't do unless I have another body here to watch my daughter (which is supposed to be him).
I'm upset that considering he hasn't seen us all week, and we'll only have a chance to spend today and part of Monday together, that his priority is to stop in the city and hang out with his friend first. And he's angry at me for being upset about this.
Is it my thinking? Is there not something wrong with this picture in the responsibility department? I'm constantly feeling like my needs are at the bottom of a heap somewhere. And, yes, I've talked to him about it, and yes, in a nonblaming way, and he seemed willing to help - but I guess as they say actions speak volumes.
I'm finding myself upset a lot lately about things like this, that just seem to happen all the time. We've recently reconciled and now I'm questioning why I am in this relationship.
Any feedback is welcome thanks.
P.S. I've also been working hard at my end to accept and work on my responsibility for problems in my relationship, but I'm now wondering if all my efforts are going to the wrong person.
I share the same concern you mentioned, why he didn't want to get to us as quickly as possible. We spoke over the phone yesterday morning and he said it feels like forever since he's seen me... Like I said in my entry above, actions speak louder I guess. If it felt so long since seeing me, why was hanging out with his friend the priority.
I guess it's hard for me to part with him b/c we share a baby together, but I am getting tired of all this.