Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I've met him a couple of months ago with my family.
When we shook hands, time stood still and he looked deep into my eyes.
Then I noticed a ring, so my mind totally dismissed the possibility of a relationship (the mind does it so fast!)
Then weeks later I see him again, and he seems tense and nervous - he cannot turn and look at me when I enter the room and just carries on chatting with my family.
I then send him a short email about a choir he goes to, and within two hours he sends me a long email about it plus a voice message offering to drive me there. It all comes across as very enthusiastic and delighted that I sent him my initial short email about the choir.
So a couple of weeks later I go to the choir, and he seems shy around me and has a twinkle in his eye every time he looks at me. I'd say that I'm attractive but there are plenty of women who are better-looking than me. But I get the impression he's "taken" by how I look.
Does a married man instantly call a woman and leave a message saying "I'd absolutely love to see you at choir" and "I'm happy to drive you there", then write her a long email saying the same and a few other things? I'm confused. He has a ring on. He also has a 22 year old son, and I'm already worrying that maybe his son will see me as a threat, or the ex-wife (if that's what she is) will hate me.....
I hate it when my mind goes into over-drive, and makes up stories, thinks too far ahead.
a way that he was "taken" by me while shaking my hand and I sensed he liked the look of me..... but then I noticed his ring so my mind (the unconscious mind) dismissed the way he looked at me meant anything. The second time he visited us, I arrived home late from a work-out class - I walk into the room where they all are, and he appeared quite tense and nervous and did not turn and say hi to me (when I said hello to everyone). Moments later when I sat next to him, he still didn't turn and acknowledge me. The I spoke directly to him and then he turns and again he looked at me as if he was going beyond my eyes. Thinking back on it, I think he was probably nervous. He was also dressed more formally than when we first met him. (But of course I could be taking all this the wrong way.) The conversation changes to singing as my family know I like to sing. He then drops it into the conversation that he sings in a group - this could have been a hint for me. Weeks later when I return from holiday I remember the choir, so I email him two short sentences about going to choir, and surprisingly get a voice mail saying he'd love to see me there and that he'd drive me there. Then he sends me a long email saying the same things plus more info on his choir. In his voice mail he gets slightly tongue-twisted.
You're right my mind could just be making up love stories (as it did this in the past - my ASD doesn't help at all), but it's very early days.
Yes, I knew he wore a ring, and I sent him an email first - however, it was because I wanted to attend choir only. He's a busy man with his job, and I was so surprised to get a voice mail AND a long email back SO FAST, both sounding so enthusiastic. I was also confused as you can imagine at how quick he got in touch with me (hence the ring I saw months earlier).
About the ring, I'm not going to ask him, because in reality we are new "acquaintances" (if that's the right word?). If he is divorced/separated/married and he's got respect/maturity then he'll tell me himself if he wants me to know.
I'm not playing games at all with him (I'd never do this to someone). I've responded to his emails - but his emails are full of smiley faces (my emails are more formal) - and I've simply attended a single choir session. He and the others said at the end of the session "You're a great addition to our group", and then he asked my consent to give my email address to other members. That's it. This is all that's happened.
It's my mind that's got too excited too quick.
The man is wearing a wedding ring. He's married.
You need to move on.
You can go online to your city or county's government website and look up someone. If someone has filed for divorce there will be a record and it will tell you the parties involved, the lawyers, and the judges and what pleadings have been filed.
Just google your city and divorce records - what you need should pop right up.
This guy is looking for a little fun on the side. See it for what it is. Stick with available men. Otherwise you will be on the infidelity site and crying your eyes out.
Usually if a guy were to respond like that, pick me up in his car, and take me somewhere public, it is some sprt of date and the attraction is there.
Ask him if he is married. Email, voicemail(like he left you...however he got your number)(or email) or in person. If your comfortable to have him in your parents home and comfortable enough to get into a vehicle and travel somewhere with him, you should be comfortable enough to ask if he is married.