Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Ok I know I am gonna come off sounding arrogant by saying this but I am an above average looking lesbian whose in love with an overweight girl and I work as a fashion stylist/designer while my girlfriend is in the banking industry. We're about as different as day and night but somehow we manage to find each other.
Lately my girlfriend has been accusing me of being an attention whore, she thinks my fashion sensibilities and the way I look is asking for unnecessary attention. Honestly I feel this is coming from her own insecurities about me because she is overweight (which was never the issue for me). I feel this is completely unjustified as I have been the way I have been for as long as I've had this career (10 years). I am not sure how I can pacify her while maintaining what is essentially myself.
Also as this relationship grows longer while there are happy times, I sense an underlying fear in her. Her insecurities are being more and more apparent to me and its becoming very tiring to pacify her. Small things set her off. When I ask her if she is too tired to come over to my place she assumes that I don't want to see her. Or when I suddenly change my plans to have dinner with my family she accuses me of not telling her what's going on in my life.
On top of all that our arguements are becoming more frequent over very small minute things that just leads to old wounds and eventually she would throw the break up card at me. Whether she meant it or she was just testing me I don't know.
I understand why she would feel this way but I also think its getting out of hand. On top of that I have to swallow my pride about her strange 'friendship' with another girl which I have posted a weeks back asking for advice.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Healthy_Relationships/advice/18003233-more-than-friendly-friend
Now I know I sound like I am vilifying her as some crazy insecure gf but I know I fell in love with her for good reasons. She's completely different from all the other girls I dated before (my exes were all art school types or people in the alternative scene). She just seemed like that sort that was good for me and gave me the attention I needed to feel loved. And I know she's got a good head on her shoulders in that she has a goal in life.
I feel rather emotionally drained and I have been contemplating leaving her even tho I do love her. Its just that I've had too many long dragged out painful relationships and I'm not ready to be committed to another one only to waste my heart away. How can I make her feel safe and still remain as me?
Thank you for reading. :)
Lately my girlfriend has been accusing me of being an attention whore, she thinks my fashion sensibilities and the way I look is asking for unnecessary attention. Honestly I feel this is coming from her own insecurities about me because she is overweight (which was never the issue for me). I feel this is completely unjustified as I have been the way I have been for as long as I've had this career (10 years). I am not sure how I can pacify her while maintaining what is essentially myself.
Also as this relationship grows longer while there are happy times, I sense an underlying fear in her. Her insecurities are being more and more apparent to me and its becoming very tiring to pacify her. Small things set her off. When I ask her if she is too tired to come over to my place she assumes that I don't want to see her. Or when I suddenly change my plans to have dinner with my family she accuses me of not telling her what's going on in my life.
On top of all that our arguements are becoming more frequent over very small minute things that just leads to old wounds and eventually she would throw the break up card at me. Whether she meant it or she was just testing me I don't know.
I understand why she would feel this way but I also think its getting out of hand. On top of that I have to swallow my pride about her strange 'friendship' with another girl which I have posted a weeks back asking for advice.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Healthy_Relationships/advice/18003233-more-than-friendly-friend
Now I know I sound like I am vilifying her as some crazy insecure gf but I know I fell in love with her for good reasons. She's completely different from all the other girls I dated before (my exes were all art school types or people in the alternative scene). She just seemed like that sort that was good for me and gave me the attention I needed to feel loved. And I know she's got a good head on her shoulders in that she has a goal in life.
I feel rather emotionally drained and I have been contemplating leaving her even tho I do love her. Its just that I've had too many long dragged out painful relationships and I'm not ready to be committed to another one only to waste my heart away. How can I make her feel safe and still remain as me?
Thank you for reading. :)
That's pretty harsh, Koolman...something tells me you aren't exactly Adonis.
(snort)
OK. Ok. Seriously.
Like some of the others here, I have to concure that it is a level of insecurity in her that is causing her to react this way. In the past, I have had EX's that when they react that way, it is projection.
As in, they are assuming that you would react the way THEY would... and since they have thoughts of cheating, but no real oportunities, they believe that you, HAVING oportunity due to your looks, will.
I guess there is a balance to be reached here between helping to build or rebuild her self esteem versus addressing her innapropriate and hurtfull actions and defending boundaries. I don't envy you, this is a complicated situation.
BTW, In case any of you are wondering, I'm 5'11" and fairly slim!
Thanks for your insightful response, I have a feeling you might hit the jackpot. She grew up unloved by her own family and was abandoned at some point in a childhood as well. She was also once a very beautiful girl (not that she is not beautiful now but just bigger). She has a tough exterior and is extremely ambitious but I suspect its all to hide her insecurities. I hope some day she would come to her senses.