Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
hello. Not sure if this is the group I should be wandering around in or not. I am severely depressed and emotionally exhausted after 18 yr relationship. I haven't left yet but see no other options at this time. I am disabled and physically challenged. My limitations are effecting, scratch that... His reactions to my physical limitations are threatening the quality of relations and I am tired. Turned 50 yrs old last month and I don't want to waste my time in this life anymore. I want to be happy and find the good and enjoy what I do have... not dwell upon what I don't have or analyze everything ...or constantly finding another ` issue ' to work on. I made a commitment after leaving 13 yrs ago in an emotional frenzy, and returning with my heart in my hand 3 months later and have stuck with it believing true love will always find a way... but he doesn't seem to be the same man nor be in the same commitment I am in. I was attempting communication a month ago and expressed the belief that we would not make it thru this without professional help and his comment was, "I hadn't thought about trying to salvage what we had left." I was shocked into silence, and have been fairly on the leaving side of the fence ever since. He ..... I guess even tho I've put all of me into the relationship, I must need to learn that he doesn't feel the same love, commitment, nor does he. Most everyone I've shared the specifics with and the kids who've lived within the relationship have expressed it is time for me to go... way past time, and that he will never attempt honest change or real intimacy past the mattress. every time I allow myself to feel what I am feeling within the decision to leave I am overcome with sadness and grief and I guess I am looking for anyone who's been here where I am standing and for support thru the whole mess. sorry for rambling on and on.......
The hardest part is taking those first few steps. Perhaps you could consider joining a volunteer group or some sort of activity that you enjoy just to meet other people and make new friends. Being around people who appreciate you for who you are can help make you a whole lot stronger as a person. You mentioned that people you have confided in are encouraging you to get out of this situation. Maybe it is time to try and overcome the fear and take their advice. A better life is waiting for you so take it slow and go get it. Wishing you the very best and hoping happier days find you very soon.
I'm sorry life is so difficult for you right now - it must be so hard.
All I will say is this..
I believe there are 2 kinds of pain
- the pain of weakness/helplessness/victim pain. The pain of not knowing how to move forward or the pain of fear and guilt - and all those other negative feelings. Its a slow, persistant, draining kind of pain that never gets any better. Its a long battle that you can never seem to win.
And then there is the pain of having to take control and step out into uncharted territory. The total fear of setting off on your own, the anguishing pain of leaving a life that you had once built your dreams on - its really hard!!!. But its a positive thing. Every step you take will bring you closer to something better, closer to finding new friends, a new relationship, a new life. This kind of pain is a sharp pain but in time it will fade and you will find peace and heal.
Take care