Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Long post:
So my inlaws are visiting from a differnet country and have been staying with us since end of Jan and are supposed leave next week. My husband postponed their trip by 1 month and they are now going on May 31. and he did this without asking me first. I dont like his parents, and he knows this. They don't like me, and are always trying to play games, and trying to undermine me. i don't speak their language, but can understand a few words and so they are always talking about what a mistake he did by marrying me. I was very upset and i left the house and said i will come back after they leave.
I am now staying at my frnds place and she has agreed to let me stay until they leave. I have been struggling with depression, and their stay made me me even more depressed. i don't really interfere with their business, but thye are always trying to take over my house. My husband is torn between us, and he is having a hard time trying to calm the situation.
My h and I already have things to work between us, and we are going to counseling. The parrents situation is adding more problems to our relationship. I am very frustrated and upset, I also miss my husband and being in my own house. I feel like i want to go back, but then i cant stand even looking at them, and how they have messed up my apartment.
He plans to send them to east coast to visit relatives for 2 weeks. All that expense is taken up by us, which i think he should have talked first with me.
Another thing is we have to pay rent on 31st this month, i am not sure if i should do or not, and let him take care of the payment. As i am stayng at my friends, i'm going to pay her for the month for the room i'm staying and groeries and rent, cos i don't want our frndship to be strained. I havent brought this up with him yet, but i'm sure this will cause another fight. If i dotn pay rent, then we wont have enough money to send them to east coast.
i had actually planned a vacation to alaska in end of May so we can get our time off after his parents left, since we hadnt had any time for ourselves. Now with his parents updated travel plans, our vacation is not going to happen. My H says his parents will be away that time asn we can still take the Alaska vacation, but i don't like it , and want to take a vacation after they are gone.
My brother is graduating his Masters in may in OK. I hadnt planned to go (because i thought we will go to alaska vacation), but now after all this i want to go to his Grad Walk.
I know for sure he does not want to put his parents in a hotel. And i don't want to be with them under the same roof.
I have many Qs:
1. In the meantime, should i continue with marriage counseling or halt it until i move back in?
2. Should i pay rent for coming month?
3. Should i go to my brothers grad walk? Should i tell my H about it in advance or book the tickets and then tell him, just like he did to me?
4. Should i go back and stay for 2 weeks when his parents are not there?
So my inlaws are visiting from a differnet country and have been staying with us since end of Jan and are supposed leave next week. My husband postponed their trip by 1 month and they are now going on May 31. and he did this without asking me first. I dont like his parents, and he knows this. They don't like me, and are always trying to play games, and trying to undermine me. i don't speak their language, but can understand a few words and so they are always talking about what a mistake he did by marrying me. I was very upset and i left the house and said i will come back after they leave.
I am now staying at my frnds place and she has agreed to let me stay until they leave. I have been struggling with depression, and their stay made me me even more depressed. i don't really interfere with their business, but thye are always trying to take over my house. My husband is torn between us, and he is having a hard time trying to calm the situation.
My h and I already have things to work between us, and we are going to counseling. The parrents situation is adding more problems to our relationship. I am very frustrated and upset, I also miss my husband and being in my own house. I feel like i want to go back, but then i cant stand even looking at them, and how they have messed up my apartment.
He plans to send them to east coast to visit relatives for 2 weeks. All that expense is taken up by us, which i think he should have talked first with me.
Another thing is we have to pay rent on 31st this month, i am not sure if i should do or not, and let him take care of the payment. As i am stayng at my friends, i'm going to pay her for the month for the room i'm staying and groeries and rent, cos i don't want our frndship to be strained. I havent brought this up with him yet, but i'm sure this will cause another fight. If i dotn pay rent, then we wont have enough money to send them to east coast.
i had actually planned a vacation to alaska in end of May so we can get our time off after his parents left, since we hadnt had any time for ourselves. Now with his parents updated travel plans, our vacation is not going to happen. My H says his parents will be away that time asn we can still take the Alaska vacation, but i don't like it , and want to take a vacation after they are gone.
My brother is graduating his Masters in may in OK. I hadnt planned to go (because i thought we will go to alaska vacation), but now after all this i want to go to his Grad Walk.
I know for sure he does not want to put his parents in a hotel. And i don't want to be with them under the same roof.
I have many Qs:
1. In the meantime, should i continue with marriage counseling or halt it until i move back in?
2. Should i pay rent for coming month?
3. Should i go to my brothers grad walk? Should i tell my H about it in advance or book the tickets and then tell him, just like he did to me?
4. Should i go back and stay for 2 weeks when his parents are not there?
Do consult your husband before buying tickets to grad.
Yeah, go back and stay for 2 weeks when his parents are not there. If you co-signed on the lease and are co-paying rent, it's part YOUR home, for God's sake!
Two wrongs won't make a right; will only make the situation worse with your husband.
He too has to make an effort, if he values his marriage. Knowing you and his parents can't stand each other, if he values his marriage, he should kindly tell his parents to find a motel room.
1. In the meantime, should i continue with marriage counseling or halt it until i move back in?
Does he want to continue with the counseling? I would think it would be a joint decision?
2. Should i pay rent for coming month?
Is your name on the lease? Is it your legal home? If so then yes you are obligated to pay the rent.
3. Should i go to my brothers grad walk?
Go to the graduation if you want to go. Don't go because you feel obligated to go.
Should i tell my H about it in advance or book the tickets and then tell him, just like he did to me?
Do you want him to go with you Or do you want to go alone? If you want to go alone, then yeah, book yourself a ticket and a hotel room. If he wants to go with you, he can get his own ticket.
4. Should i go back and stay for 2 weeks when his parents are not there?
Not sure why you would be asking if you should go to your own home for 2 weeks. If it were me and I decided to go home when they weren't there, there is no way I would clean up the mess they made.
Good luck - OH I have a question - You don't have a joint account for paying bills you share?
Posted on 04/24/14, 02:41 pm
2. I'm not sure about the rent. I dont know if your friend should accept a rent payment from you for the month though. You should pay for your own food while staying at her house.
3. I would go to the grad walk. Its the only time you can do so. Alaska isnt going anywhere. Yes you should tell your husband in advance. Just because he made a bad choice does not mean you can do te same. Dont play games with him, keep a clean conscience.
4. If you left because you dont want to be in the house with the inlaws, I dont see why you wouldnt go back once theyve left. Your husband made that arrangement to try to compromise, which deserves acknowledgement. Theres no need to be overly stubborn just for the sake of overcomplicating the situation further.
I know having crappy inlaws is really tough, but you can only control YOU and your responses to their behaviors. Youre stuck with them until they die, unless you and your husband divorce (which is likely what theyre trying to manipulate - dont give them that power).
Anyhow, I do agree that H should be putting you first, esp if the marriage is having trouble. Sometimes, people are inconvenienced, but they will get over it.