Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
In a world that seems completely bent on destroying long lasting relationships we need to realize their purpose.
In todays world we are taught not to need anyone, that the only way to be strong is to never rely on anyone else. This has been extended into the nuclear family (aka Married Live). People no longer want to be married, no longer want long lasting attachments, no longer seem to want family.
This is wrong.
Just because you have someone else in your life does not mean you are weak.
It means that you have chosen to love someone with all your heart and dedication that you can possibly muster.
I have seen people put each other down for wanting to get married.
Men put down other men because they "shouldn't" be tied down, and women put down women because they "shouldn't bow to the patriarchy" by getting married. After all you don't need someone else in your life. Or do you?
In all truth you don't because you will continue to live a life. This is true, however, and this is most important.
When you CHOOSE to love someone and get married that other person adds an immeasurable amount of VALUE into your life. Socially, emotionally, and yes even spiritually.
We are NOT designed to be alone. I see it that as an individual we are only half of the whole and when we find that person to spend our lives with they become the other half of that whole making it so much greater than the sum of their individual parts.
When you add children into the mix, and provide them a wholesome place to grow, learn, and see the benefits of strong emotional connections between two people this fosters hope for the next generation to grow stronger.
To me, casual relationships are completely worthless. Yes you may go through some looking for the one but that should always be the ultimate goal. Finding the one you will prosper with. The one to love your whole life.
Many people have never felt this type of strong emotional bond with someone so they see it as non-existent. I weep for them, because they don't search for this ultimate love, the ultimate connection, the ultimate bond between two people.
I won't stop searching for mine.
In the meantime I will keep trying to make myself better.
Because my future wife deserves me to be at my BEST for her... Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually.
God bless.
-
Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
-
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
My point is that I think it's much bigger than society aimed at LTR destruction. I see fear as the elephant in the room. So many suffer from anxiety that it's like little black rain clouds over relationships.
I applaud you for seeing the importance of being of sound mind and body to engage in a healthy relationship. TBH, I never even thought about my own mental health. I've always functioned in society so I didn't have any reason to question if I was ok. Until I did. I'm nearing four years sober and that "discovery' that I wasn't as ok as I had thought came as a bit of a shock. Now it's the best thing that ever happened to me because I have been able to get a glimpse behind the curtain of my mental state. What I've learned is true health is loving myself.
This past year I've made some real friends. In the middle of a pandemic. And it's because I'm letting my fears go. I don't need others approval like I used to because I have already given that to myself. People can sense this and that's why I've meet the friends I've have.
Can I offer a little advice? And please know that I am humbly learning this for myself too. Every relationship starts out casual so it's up to us to take it to the next level. True connection on a deeper level than hi, how are you. This is only possible when self love leads the way. A quote I love is; "I'm just space for you to be". I think this is the way to a truly fulfilling relationship.
I wish you the best and keep writing your feelings.
I agree great post!!
But i am sick and tired of giving more than my half to someone who just expects more and more.
I have nothing left.
i wish to be alone because i am so drained by the demands of being married. I am sure i am not the only person to feel this way.