Healthy Relationships Support Group
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me and my bf of 10 years are together again we have a 4 yr old daughter together and i love our family. my biggest problem is that everytime we live together i get so fustrated with him that i eventually pick up and leave. then a few months later we move in again. it is a constant cycle that i need to break because i dont want to keep doing this to myself or my daughter or him for that matter. it is never just one thing it is a combination he's not helping out enough, he doesnt spend enough time with us, we argue to much. it just gets to a point where i cant take it no more that i feel like im going to explode if i dont get away from him so i break up with him and i move, now the longest ive been able to go without calling him is about 2 weeks i start to miss him and thinking about all the good things so i call him if he hasnt called me already. so we get back together and things go great until we move back in together then it starts all over again feelin trapped and fustrated all the time. i want to be with him i love him to death, i have joked with him that we should just rent apartments next to each other, but im half serious im fine when we dont live together. im tired of doing this to him he has always been there for me even when i push him away or leave him he's always there waiting on me. how do i stop this madness and live a normal peaceful life with my family?
Also maybe it would be a good idea for right now to give yourselves some time apart from living together until you both can find ways to compromise and really want to make a commitment in living together and again I think a counselor can help with that.
Just because you are not living together does not mean you can't still be a couple and see each when you want to and share the process of raising your child together it might even be a better living situation and certainly more peaceful for all of you. I just know that it will take 100 percent effort from the both of you to make serious changes and compromises to break the circle you are in. As it stands right now you both just take a break from one another meaning you move out but you never really find ways to eliminate the problems you keep having.
Anyway like I said see if you both can find other ways to deal with your frustrations with each other and see how that goes. Maybe if you live together you each need a space of your own in the place you live where the other won't invade. Perhaps just that little space and time out from each other will help. Wishing you the very best:)
This has got to be very disturbing for your daughter. Moving like this is not normal. It's time to make a choice. Just because we love someone does not mean that we should be with them. If he is that fustrating or makes you that angry to the point of moving out again, then maybe it's time to remind yourself of why you left in the first place instead of the "good times" as it were.
Keep a journal. And journal often. And when you start thinking of going back yet again, read that journal. Remind yourself of why you have left so many times already. It can be very eye opening.
Whatever you do - she is learning that this is " a normal and acceptable way of living".
She accepts everything you do - including all the confusion and hurt it causes. She is learning that life is unsettling and upsetting. She is learning that it is unwise to trust the people who love her.
It is easy to assume that young children are oblivious to what is happening around them because they seem to carry on playing and eating and accepting everything. But they do watch and absorb it all - and it will affect how they live their own lives.
Whatever you may feel about your BF - its clear you can not live together. So don't!
Kidsintowe has good advice about the journal - it works..follow her advice.
I wish you well.
I thought of a saying after I read your post. "The true sign of insanity is when you repeat the same exact action over and over again with the same exact negative result." LOL
This saying has given me a bit of insight into a few of my own repetitive problems!
Sometimes reality, even when it's biting us on the butt, is hard to accept. The reality here is that you love someone you can't live with. It's very pure and simple. You've tried to make it work, and no matter how many times you've attempted cohabitating, it has the same negative result.
Oh well! It's okay! It's time to put your energy into other options with this man; while keeping you and your daughter stable and settled in a peaceful life.
How do you stop the madness? You make the decision to stop it by simply jumping off this roller coaster ride and find a way to love this man without the challenge of living together.
Good luck ~
Good luck!
It's OK! As others have said, domestic cohabitation is not for everybody. Little irritations start to add up, and you begin nit-picking each other's every little fault (I know).
A family can take all forms! I'm sure your daughter wants two happy parents, rather than two parents who nit-pick each other until they have a huge fight (and she knows you're only together for her, which, you can bet, is making her feel guilty!). Kids can pick up on these things.